Author: cbarney.45

Prioritizing core values

What are your core values? Have you ever thought of ranking them in order of importance?

In a perfect world, you would be able to always stand by your core values. But life isn’t perfect. Sometimes other people’s actions affect you and you need to respond. If push comes to shove and you encounter a situation where you have to decide between core value #1 and core value #2, which would you choose?

For example, say you have core values that include integrity and loyalty. Which one comes first? For many people, the answer would be loyalty. And while I don’t blame them for that answer, I feel you need to put your personal integrity above being loyal to a person, an organization, or a cause. Here’s why…you can control your actions, which make up your integrity, but you can’t control the actions of others. So if you are loyal to someone and they do something heinous, do you stay loyal to them?

Let’s use an example to illustrate my point. My family is critically important to me. They play the biggest role in my life, bar none. But despite that, my personal integrity and the choices I decide to make still have to be my priority over loyalty. In this example, let’s say a family member robs a bank or cheats on their spouse. Do I defend them at all costs? No. That was their decision and with that decision comes potential consequences. If they don’t like the consequences, then they shouldn’t have taken the action. They don’t get to take only the “good parts” and do whatever they want without taking the bad parts that come with their decisions. If I defend them or lie for them to cover up their mistake, not only does it reinforce their poor decision (because now they have no consequences for their actions), but it also makes me lose integrity. You can only be accountable for your own actions. This is why I would prioritize my integrity over loyalty.

Fitting in? Or being different?

“Different is better when it is more effective or more fun.” – Tim Ferriss

Embrace being different. Everyone is different in their own ways, but don’t be different just to get attention. Be different because you actually believe in what you’re doing and saying. Be different because that’s the real you and you are enjoying being yourself. Do things differently than the majority because you are striving to improve your life in some sense. Why would you try to be the same as everyone else? Why blend in with the crowd to the point where you’re completely unnoticed?

“Tetris teaches us that when you try to fit in, you’ll disappear.” – Alexus Pajitnov

I love one quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said, “The worst thing I could be is the same as everyone else.” I believe that. Let’s look at some stats to see what “everyone else” is doing and why it’s better for your health to do the opposite…

The United States has an obesity rate of about ~35% and has an additional ~35% of the population is considered overweight. So you are considered to be overweight if you’re the “average” U.S. citizen. Why are we getting so big? If you listen to what everyone usually says, it’s because they have no time to work out or that eating healthy is too expensive.

Well, according to a Nielsen report, in 2017, the average citizen watched about 4 hours of tv per day! Yet somehow they have “no time” to work out, to cook a healthy meal, or to work on our physical fitness in a meaningful way.

Why would you want to follow the herd in this case? Why be “normal?” People will think that you’re weird if you work out daily, if you order a salad when going out to eat, or if you’re not up to speed on the latest Netflix series. You need to be ok with that. Because you aren’t being different just to be “weird.” You’re being different because you have found a better way to improve your life…a way that is more effective AND more fun.

People will call you crazy (sometimes to your face, other times behind your back). But who cares what other people think about YOUR life? Who should care the most about the quality of your life? You. And who can influence the outcome of your life the most? You. Don’t live your life only seeking the approval of others, otherwise you’ll never be happy.

Sharpening the saw

Just like the analogy of “sharpening the saw,” you need to take time to sharpen your body and mind. Take the time to prepare for the future. When you a sharpening the blade of a saw, you may feel unproductive because you’re not actually “using” the saw to cut something down. But, in reality, you’re being extremely productive. Because of you being proactive in sharpening the saw, it ensures that when you do go to use it, it will be more efficient and cut more effectively with less energy being expended.

This is why it is important to work on “sharpening” your body and your mind. Eating healthy foods, working out, and stretching (which I enjoy the least, but need the most) are a few ways to sharpen your body. Reading, writing, drawing, painting, doing puzzles, building things, and meditating are ways you can sharpen your mind.

By working on yourself today, reducing your weaknesses or improving your strengths, you prepare yourself for the work of tomorrow to be easier. If your training is harder than the actual event, the event will seem easy to you and you’ll be able to perform better than the competition.

Are you teaching yourself to be resilient?

When life doesn’t go as planned (and it hardly ever does), roll with the punches. Build your resilience. Don’t quit when things get tough. That is when you need to stick it out. Adapt and overcome. If you succeed and still want to quit, do it then, but not before. Otherwise you will train yourself to become a quitter.

Capacities

Be careful not to judge other people’s capacity to do/withstand something. Not only are there different types of capacities/limits, such as mental, physical, or emotional capacities, but everyone is different in what their capacities are for each type. For example, you may be incredibly strong physically, but maybe you’re overburdened at home and your emotional capacity is very low.

Another thing to realize is our capacities are fluid, as they are constantly changing depending on what is going on in our lives. Maybe you just lost your job, your significant other decided to leave you (taking the dog too), and you were diagnosed with cancer. While your emotional capacity may normally be very high, you would probably be at the tipping point where even something very small which would normally not affect you makes you break down and cry.

These are just a couple of reasons why you should not judge others, but especially if you don’t have a good understanding of who they are and what their typical capacities/capabilities are. What you see from others is only a snapshot for where they are at any one particular time in their life.

Instead of judging others before you really get to know them, default to giving people the benefit of the doubt. They can be down one day, or even for a brief period in time, but after you’ve gotten to know them and their story, eventually you will have a better understanding of what their typical capacities are.

Just like anything else, we all have the ability to strengthen and improve each capacity. Are you working on improving yours? If you’re working with someone, or partnering with them, do you know if they are willing to work on improving theirs? You should not focus on where you (or others) are currently, but on where you (and they) are going based on their daily actions.