Author: cbarney.45

Quick wins are different than big wins

Make sure you balance between getting quick, easy wins and working to overcome a difficult challenge. Getting those quick wins can provide a boost to your energy, but if you only focus on the little wins, you won’t ever achieve the unrelated big wins, which are often going to take much longer and require more consistent effort.

The best way to win in each scenario is to tie the little wins to the big wins. What small project can you conquer that will act as a stepping stone to winning the bigger projects? If they are related, you can directly work on one project goal while indirectly bringing you closer to your other project goal(s). If the two projects are unrelated, you will have to make time to complete both projects.

Controllables and uncontrollables

Don’t try to change others. Don’t try to control their actions or reactions. You can’t do it, only they can and they will only choose to change when they are ready.

If you focus your energy on changing others you will frustrate yourself and you’ll frustrate them. Basically, you’ll be wasting your time while eroding the relationship.

Instead, focus on how you respond to others. Focus on what you can control – yourself – and learn to let the rest go.

Doubts and confidence

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.” – Alexandre Dumas

Before you start something, you should at the very least have some sort of hope that you will succeed. If you think it’s possible, you give yourself a chance to achieve it.

Beyond hope though, you should strive to have confidence in yourself. The difference is that when you are hopeful, you’re not necessarily thinking that you are the reason for your success. With hopes and wishes, outside influences are the main reasons for your success or failure. You begin to rely on luck or on other people in order to achieve. But with confidence, while you still may need assistance from others, you understand that you determine your future with your actions.

If you doubt yourself or lack confidence, you almost guarantee that you will not succeed in whatever specific thing you are trying to achieve. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because it will not only show in your actions, but others will pick up on your lack of confidence as well. If you’re selling something, the people whom you are selling to will feel that your lack of confidence is a reflection of how you feel about the product/service you are offering. As a result, they don’t buy from you (I don’t blame them), which then lowers your confidence even more.

Be confident in yourself. If you don’t think that you can do something yet, learn more about it. Read about it. Ask people who are already in that field about best practices and common pitfalls. Eventually though, you have to learn by doing. Once you put enough practice in, you will earn the confidence to succeed. And if you still don’t think you can do it, then you’re probably right. Your mind will find ways as to why you can’t or shouldn’t do it and it will become your truth.

Good vs nice

There is a difference between nice people and good people. A person can appear nice or even charismatic, but actually be a “bad” person. That’s not always the case, in fact, if someone appears nice they usually are good as well. But you should not confuse the two. Let me explain…

Good is more important than nice. Being good involves making the best decisions with the information at hand, even when those decisions may not be the most popular. This means that being good may involve telling somebody something that they do not want to hear, but need to hear. Meanwhile, in order to be considered nice, sometimes you may hide the truth to avoid a difficult discussion, embellish facts to make someone feel good, or verbally agree to something someone else believes in, so that you don’t hurt their feelings or cause conflict.

Be nice and good whenever possible. But when push comes to shove, choose being good over being nice.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Here’s the secret though…it’s almost all “small stuff.”

If you take life too seriously and you can’t just relax or laugh at yourself, you’re going to make yourself miserable. Stop taking each “event” too seriously! We tend to over-dramatize so much in today’s culture. It’s what’s popular on your favorite tv show, on the news, the gossip at your work or with your friends…it’s too much.

My wife told me that she watched one car cut off another car the other morning, presumably on their way to work. What did the person in the car who felt wronged do? Flip them the bird and tailgate them, of course! Wait, what? How is that making the situation better? Best case scenario, you feel like you “showed them,” but really they don’t care. If they cared that you might get upset at them then they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Worst case scenario, they brake check you and you get into an accident. Maybe they’re a fugitive and can’t afford to be stopped by the police so they shoot you and run. So what? Are you willing to give up your life, to never see your family or friends again because someone cut you off? Or are you willing to pay for damages to your car and theirs, as well as have your insurance rates raised? Let it go. It doesn’t matter.

There are thousands of examples I could use…

Someone didn’t follow your directions and are asking for help again? Let it go. You can’t control their actions.

The day didn’t go as you planned? Let it go. Do your best to put out fires today and start fresh tomorrow.

Why bring drama into your life over something so minuscule? It’s not worth you getting upset. It can help if you put the situation you’re in into perspective of how small it is in comparison to how long your life is. The situation may seem large to you right now, but will it matter in a week? Will you even remember this a year from now? What about ten years from now? Not likely…

Another way of reframing it is to think how great of a life you have compared to others less fortunate than you. Whatever problem you’re facing is so small compared to what they’re facing. If you’re reading this, you at least have access to the internet. You probably have a roof over your head, are wearing comfortable clothing, and can afford to eat and bathe yourself. That’s not always the case for others, yet we take it for granted. We end up making a big deal out of little things. We allow ourselves to get frustrated and upset with something that really shouldn’t matter (at least not in the long run).

Thinking about this brings me back to one of my favorite quotes, which says, “You get to choose to be happy or to be mad. Why would you choose anything but happiness?” Remember, don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is good. Be happy.