Author: cbarney.45

Earning confidence

When you work hard for something, when you earn it, it means something. You’ll appreciate your reward more because you understand the effort required to obtain it. You’ll have more confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles, because you’ve already faced those obstacles and defeated them. Having earned confidence, but still being humble about it, is an attractive quality that will lead to more business down the road.

So what do you do when you’re just starting out in a new field and have no experience? How can you transition from a stage of naive confidence to one of earned confidence? I break it down into five tips below.

1. Beware that you don’t compensate for a lack of earned confidence with too much false bravado.

You should be confident in your abilities and be decisive with your actions, but don’t act as if you know everything. People will either see through you or they’ll believe what you say and end up resenting you if you steer them in the wrong direction (because you presented yourself as the “expert” and they misplaced their trust in you).

2. Ask (better) questions.

It’s ok to ask questions to clarify what your customers are asking. If you assume they’re asking about A, but really they’re wondering about B, you’re not doing them any favors by answering something that is irrelevant. And if you assume the meaning behind their question incorrectly too many times, you’ll probably frustrate them and make them look elsewhere for answers.

3. Be ok with saying, “I don’t know.”

It’s ok to tell someone, “that’s a great question. Let me find out and get back to you.” If you present information as fact and it turns out to be wrong, you lose credibility and trust with those you are dealing with – negating any chance to create a repeat customer or a raving fan who would refer others to you.

We do things when we are naive not because we are trying to be reckless, but because we either are trying to prove to someone that we are an expert in our field, that they made the right decision by trusting us, or because we think something is true (even though we don’t actually know). Often, our ego gets in the way. We think the other person may think less of us if we don’t know the answer so we make one up. STOP DOING THAT! You don’t know what you don’t know and that’s ok, as long as you can recognize and admit it. Others will respect you more if you’re honest with them and then work quickly to get them the correct information.

4. Find a mentor

Find an honest, reputable mentor (or willing and able teammate) in your field and rely on them when you’re unsure of something. Even if you‘re pretty sure you are correct, it’s not a bad idea to bounce an idea off of someone who is willing to help and wants to see you achieve success. Just be sure to take notes and be cognizant of their time. Don’t ask the same questions over and over again. Not much will make a mentor want to stop working with you more than if you take up their valuable time by asking questions they’ve already answered.

5. Become obsessed

To have more earned confidence, you need more experience. You can let the experience come to you or you can go get it.

Grant Cardone wrote a book called Be Obsessed or Be Average. I’m not the biggest Cardone fan, but he makes a lot of good points. If you want to be an expert, if you want to earn confidence in a specific field, you need to live, eat, breath, and sleep it. Expect your results to reflect your effort.

Malcolm Gladwell discusses a similar idea with the 10,000 hour rule, saying that anyone can become an expert at something in 10,000 hours. It’s up to you to determine how long it takes to get to the 10,000 hours. Do you want to do it in five years or two and a half? If you want to master your profession quickly, you need to become obsessed with it.

I hope these five tips will be helpful for you today. But remember, you will always have more to learn. Don’t be afraid of the unknowns. The more truths you can uncover, the better positioned you will be as an expert in your field.

Manage your activities to achieve your goals

I have been called a dreamer. I have a million ideas running through my head at once and like to talk about them with Allison (my wife), my sister, or my mom. Most of the time, they’re just ideas…something that I think would be cool, but not necessarily something that I’m willing to put the effort in to pursue.

Early on in our relationship, apparently Allison thought that everything I said was a plan for our future. The ideas were lofty, far reaching, and scattered all over the place. She has admitted to me that it stressed her out at first. (Sorry about that, love!) But now she knows me better and I’ve become a little better, I think, at letting her know when I’m going to act on some of these ideas or dreams.

This got me to thinking…a lot of people have big hopes, dreams, desires, goals. Call it what you will. But while many of us have these goals, it is the actions we take that will actually get us there.

For example, you can say, “I want to lose weight,” but if it’s a vague goal without an action plan in place, it’s probably not going to get done. You have to figure out the specifics first. Why do you want to lose the weight? Is it to improve your healthspan, so you can go up a flight of stairs without being out of breath, to have more energy to play with your kids, or just to impress a guy/girl you like?

After you determine your why, next you need to decide how much weight you want to lose and by what date. This gives you a sense of urgency so you don’t procrastinate. After all, if you say you want to lose ten pounds in six weeks versus ten pounds in six years, you’re more likely to stay motivated with the former.

Lastly, you need to figure out which activities will get you to your goal and measure those on a daily basis. This is crucial and so many people don’t start out with measurables that will actually help them get to where they want to be. Or they start out with measurables and don’t actually keep track/measure them! You have to put in the work to get what you want, and the best way to find out if you’re winning or losing is by looking to see if you are accomplishing the measurables that you set. Again, from our losing ten pounds in six weeks example, maybe your measurables are “I’m going to eat 3-5 servings of vegetables per day, limit my added sugar intake to less than 5g per day, workout 5x/week for at least one hour per session, etc.”

When you manage your activities (by doing them and keeping track of what you did/didn’t do), you are more likely to hit your goals. Focus on that and you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve.

By the way, today is our 3-year anniversary! Thanks to you, Allison, for staying by my side through everything and being my number one supporter! I love you and can’t wait to see what we can achieve next!

On our honeymoon in Colorado – 2017.

Are you thinking big or thinking small?

Beware of thinking too small. Small thinking leads to small actions, which in turn leads to small results. The problem with this is that you trick your mind because taking action feels good, even though the results stemming from those actions are minimal.

For example, you might clip coupons. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with clipping coupons. You can definitely save money by doing this and there are a lot of people who know how to do this in a way that is so efficient that they hardly pay anything for groceries! But, if you’re not one of those select few, don’t allow yourself to be tricked into thinking you really moved the needle by saving a few dollars. There is a hidden dark side of the coupon clipping equation that you may not be considering…did you buy products that you normally wouldn’t have just because it was a good deal? Or, because you’re so happy you saved “x” dollars, did you splurge in other areas of life (negating the savings you worked so hard for)?

Another way to think of this would be, “how could my time have been spent better for the same or greater results?” If you’re an hourly employee, could you have worked an extra couple of hours? You probably would earn more with overtime pay than you saved by clipping coupons. Could you sell something that you never use (and gain the benefit of decluttering your house at the same time)? Could you call your cable company to reduce your monthly bill in a substantial way or change your cell phone plan? Those are one-time actions that could save considerably each month!

Don’t spend an inordinate amount of time on things that don’t move the needle. Think of the 80/20 rule (Pareto’s Principle)…80% of the results come from 20% of your actions. If it’s not taking much time for you, or if it’s something that you really enjoy doing, then go for it. Every little bit counts. But if it’s taking up your weekend (finding coupons, clipping them, driving to ten different stores for the best deals, etc.) AND you feel drained by doing it, then stop. Focus on doing less, but gaining more. Focus on BIG thoughts and BIG action steps to get BIG results. Eliminate what’s not necessary, automate what you can, delegate what needs to be done (but not necessarily by you), and then you will have more time to take action on the most important aspects of your life.

Fear

We fear an uncertain future.

We fear what what is new and unfamiliar.

We fear what we don’t know or understand.

Why do we fear these things? Because they are potential threats to our livelihoods.

How do we overcome these fears? By facing them head-on.

If you don’t understand something, read as much as you can about it. If you’re not familiar with it, ask someone who has experience encountering what you’re facing. The future is always uncertain, but it’s coming no matter what you do. The best way to make the future events best fit your desires are to take what you feel are the best actions possible with the information that you currently have on hand. If/when the information available to you changes, do not be afraid to change your opinions and actions with it.

Reading – a few thoughts on fiction, nonfiction, and the “self-help” industry

The “self-help” industry sometimes has a negative connotation associated with it. But why? Sure, if it is “scammy” I can see why people scoff at it. But for legitimate self-hep books, why would anyone criticize you for trying to improve your life? If you tell someone you’re reading Harry Potter, Jack Reacher, or Dune, do they care? No. But if you mention reading about business, leadership, or self-improvement? They often criticize. They wonder why you would do such a thing. Why should it matter to them what you read (or if you read at all)? It shouldn’t. If they try to put you down for trying to improve your own situation it is a reflection on them, not on you.

Continue reading. Continue striving. Be sure to include fiction and nonfiction books alike in your reading list. When I first started reading for pleasure, it was all fiction or narrative form. Then I swung completely to the opposite end of the spectrum to read as much as I could about business, leadership, and real estate. But just like anything in life, there should be a little more balance. Studies show that reading fiction can help you become more empathetic, because you are getting in the mind of different characters and feeling what they feel. Not everyone thinks like you and it’s good to rediscover that. But don’t only consume the “empty calories” of a good fiction book. I view fiction novels like ice cream. It’s a treat, not the main course. You need to get the bulk of your “nutrition” from books that make you think and help you grow.