Author: cbarney.45

Don’t confuse needs with wants. You have actual needs- food, shelter, transportation to/from work, utilities, etc. But within each of those categories, there are varying levels of desirables.

For example, just because you need food, it doesn’t mean you have to eat a gourmet meal or go out to eat every night.

You need a place to live, but that doesn’t mean you should rent a place with state-of-the-art amenities or buy the most expensive house that you’ve been pre-approved for.

Transportation is necessary to get you to work, but as long as it runs, an older car will accomplish the job – you don’t have to buy the newest model luxury vehicle.

We all have necessities, but if you’re in debt, don’t convince yourself that your needs are more than they actually are. When you’re in debt, you don’t get to treat yourself with luxuries. Instead, the best treatment for you is to live below your means to get out of debt, build an emergency fund, then only pay for what you afford. Eventually you’ll be able to purchase higher quality possessions. But understand that when you own something more desirable or valuable, it doesn’t mean that it will bring you happiness. If you only value possessions (instead of health and relationships), those possessions will end up owning you.

1. Say “and,” not “but.”

When you say “and” after listening to someone, or “yes, and…” you are adding to the other person’s idea. You are contributing to their idea(s), not tearing them down. This aligns you with them, making them feel as if you are on their team.

When you say “but” after listening to them, you are about to contradict their idea. You are positioning yourself as their adversary. When you say “but,” they are more likely to get defensive about their idea(s), clinging to them more as if somehow their ideas are tied to their identity.

Try working with the other person. If they truly have an idea that you feel strongly will not work and you have time on your side (ie., it’s not a pressing matter), be tactful in letting them come to the realization that their idea won’t work. Don’t just come out and tell them as soon as they say it. If you do that, they won’t feel listened to. They will feel like you shut down their idea before actually giving it a chance. And if you do this often enough, they will stop coming to you with new ideas because they feel that you fill just shut them down anyways.

If you get the other person to understand and verbalize why their idea won’t work, they are more likely to accept it. Then make sure to thank them for bringing that idea to the table. Encourage them, and they will continue working hard with you.

2. Ask open-ended questions such as who, what, where, when, and how. Limit your use of “why.”

Even though “why” is an open-ended question, it can come off as questioning somebody’s motives. For example, if you ask a person, “why are you wearing that sweater?,” it makes them justify to you why they decided to wear that sweater today. It can make them defensive, which breeds hostility, and can potentially shut down the conversation. If you want to know the reason behind their decisions, use a statement such as, “Help me understand what made you choose to wear that sweater today.” You can even use a softening statement prior to that so they know you’re not coming from a place of negativity. “That sweater looks nice. What made you decide to wear that today?” And if they are still confused by your question/statement, you can follow it up with a menu of options (“was it the color, the texture, or does it hold sentimental value to you?”). Most people will either select one of your choices or come up with their own reason.

3. Avoid extremes like always or never. If you say to a person, “you always do x” or “you never do y,” it comes off as a personal attack on them. How do you think they will feel when you use those words? Using extremes will only make the situation worse. Try to avoid using them.

4. Feel, don’t think.

If you say to a person that their actions make you feel a certain way, they are more likely to be empathetic towards you. If you say that you think something about their actions, it leaves it up for debate as to whether they should have done something differently. They can’t argue with how you feel, but they can argue against what you think.

5. Don’t say “I deserve.”

It’s not only bad for you, but it can make others think less about you as well. Having an “I deserve” attitude is having an entitled attitude. If you’re using this in a debate/argument for why you should get something, realize that it is a really weak argument on your part and will not likely persuade the other party to give in to your wants.

When something good happens in your life, are you quick to praise others or do you take credit for it?

Likewise, when things are not going your way, are you putting the blame on yourself or outside circumstances?

You need to take an honest look in the mirror. Yes, some of your actions may have played a role in the end result, but that doesn’t mean you did it by yourself. It’s not just your accomplishment or just your “failure.”

“Your customers don’t care what it took for you to make something. They care about what it does for them.” – Seth Godin

You have to provide value to your customers, and the first step to doing that is asking good questions. What do they want? What issue(s) are they trying to eliminate? It’s not about what you want; think about it from their perspective. Try to understand what they’re really saying. Can you help them get what they want? If not, can you refer them to someone who can help? Be of service to them and they will want to work with you again and again.

Before you can become your best self in every area of life, first you need to optimize and systematize your day. Things you should do everyday:

1. Get enough high quality sleep (what “enough” is varies from person-to-person…find out what enough is for you)

2. Do something physically demanding everyday. Start out small (it might only be 10-15 minutes at a time), but find a way to eventually increase this to at least 60 minutes. This should be varied movements – lifting weights, doing some form of cardio, stretching/doing yoga, etc.

3. Eat the right foods (healthy fats, different colored vegetables and fruits, meat sources that were raised in a more natural habitat, etc…staying away from highly processed and packaged foods).

4. Drink enough water.

5. Learn. Never stop learning or trying to get better at your craft. Go to workshops, read books, attend meetups, get a mentor, listen to podcasts, etc. Invest in yourself.

6. Review your goals. If you haven’t figured out what your goals are for the year, do that today. Then take the desired end result and reverse engineer what actions you need to take to achieve those goals. What measurables do you need to hit on a quarterly, monthly, weekly, and daily basis to get the results you want? What are your conversion rates? How can you improve them most efficiently? Write these down and review where you’re at everyday.