Author: cbarney.45

How can you get what you want, while still helping other people get what they want? Does it sound impossible to you? What many people fail to understand is that it doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game, where one person/team wins and the other loses. If you dig down to the root cause of the issue and try to solve for that, you can find win-win solutions, where you and the other party both get what you want. If you have an abundance mindset, where you think that “there’s always more where that came from,” you can achieve more in life because you’ll be working towards these win-win scenarios, and be more likely to “win” more often.

How?

1. You’ll have a more positive outlook in life. If you look for ways to positively impact other’s lives, you will begin to focus on finding positive solutions. You won’t be so cynical and feel like you have to hoard more money, information, etc. to get ahead. Instead, it will be the opposite…sharing those same resources will move you further.

2. You are liberated (instead of limited) by your beliefs. If you believe that you and the other party can both achieve what you want, overcoming obstacles won’t be a problem. If you believe you can do it, you will find a way to make it happen. But if you argue for your limitations, they will be yours. What you believe becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

3. Helping others will encourage them to help other people as well (including yourself). As you see this exponential increase in generosity in your network (whether its at work, home, church, or neighborhood), you will notice less complaining, happier attitudes, and greater overall productivity.

Do not compare yourself to others. You don’t know what’s really going on in their life. Is it as good or bad as they make it out to be? Is it better or worse? Who knows? It’s not for you to judge.

“Neglect is like poison to your relationship, but attention is like fertilizer.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

If you ever feel like a key relationship is becoming stagnant or slowly falling apart, give it more attention. What did you used to do with that person that made you both feel close to each other? Has anything changed since then to prevent you from doing that or something similar again?

If you neglect that relationship (by not talking with them regularly, by being on your phone when you’re with them, by not doing things with and for them, etc.), of course it will begin to fade! If you want to rekindle your relationship, tend to it. Focus your attention on it and act with purpose. Then your relationship will strengthen again.

Anger begets more anger, but love begets more love. Think back and try to remember the last time being angry helped you. I’m not talking about being annoyed enough to make a change in your life for the better. I’m talking about actually being angry with someone. When has it helped you?

The truth is, the vast majority of the time, anger doesn’t help us. When we become angry (either with ourselves or someone else), we are not only letting a past event negatively impact us, but we’re also putting ourselves in a bad mood right now.

Even worse, if we lash out at others in anger, we can damage our relationship with them. Do you think that yelling at others will garner you more respect and love? No way. It will do the opposite. It will make them angry with you. Even if they act end up doing what you want, it’s not out of respect – it’s out of fear.

But if you show them love when you’re hurting? If you explain to them how their actions made you feel? That can be a productive conversation. If you show them kindness and respect, they will probably reciprocate. And together, you and that other person can work together, focusing on resolving whatever issue is present.

Learn to control your temper. Learn to be kind to everyone. You can disagree with someone or give them honest feedback and still be nice. Be mindful of the words you say or the actions you take towards yourself and others. By doing so, you will further your relationships with others, feel less anger (because you’ll be solving issues), and live a happier life.

It is easy to become so focused on what is immediately in front of us that we become unaware of our surroundings. Something unexpected comes up so we focus on new tactics to overcome that immediate obstacle. But, if we’re not careful, we will be stuck only making reactionary choices that are focused on these short term hurdles, while losing sight of our overall strategic mission (our long term goals).

If we are looking through the sights of our scope and forget to occasionally step back and detach from the situation, we can lose sight of the bigger picture. Just like the old saying goes, “you can’t see the forest for the trees.” If you’re too close to a situation, before you take massive action, make sure you zoom out (or ask for other opinions) to ensure that whatever you’re doing is moving you closer towards your long term goals. Your tactics (what you do/how you do it) need to align with your strategy (where you want to go). If they are in conflict with each other, it will be difficult to achieve what you are setting out to do.