Author: cbarney.45

The decision should be easy. You know what your heart is telling you to do. But the action of actually carrying out that decision can be difficult. Knowing that your decision affects more than just yourself is what weighs on you. Not wanting others to be negatively impacted by what you choose to do (or not do) – that’s the tough part.

But here’s the thing…You probably aren’t as important as you think you are. They will be ok. It will be an adjustment for them, but that’s true for you too. They survived without you before and they’ll survive regardless of your decision now. Don’t exaggerate what you feel your power or influence is. Life will go on.

In the end, you have to take care of yourself and your family first. This is where you mean the most. Do whatever you can to make the right decisions with the facts at hand and follow through completely (taking action) for yourself and your family. You have to start with what is closest to home. Once you do that, then you can try to help your extended family, friends, and co-workers. After that, you can turn your focus on positively contributing to your community, your state, your country, and eventually the world. But if you don’t have it together “in house,” if your not focused on doing what is right for yourself first, how can you be expected to make a lasting impact on anyone else?

Have you ever really wanted to do something, but for whatever reason, you didn’t do it? Maybe you were scared. You told yourself that the timing wasn’t right or that you would wait until conditions x, y, and z were present in order for you to move forward.

A great quote, from “The Great One” (Wayne Gretzky), perfectly addresses this by saying “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” Notice that he’s not saying you’ll make every shot. On the contrary, you will actually miss a lot of shots. But missing shots is different than not taking shots. If you miss a shot, at least you had a chance at succeeding. If you are too afraid to ever shoot in the first place, you will become mired in a world of wondering “what if.” If you don’t take the shot, you will never know what your life could have been if you went for it. Don’t live with the regret of not trying. If something is important to you, you owe it to yourself to take the shot.

If you can’t tell someone “no,” they aren’t the only ones with boundary problems – you have them too. If you are afraid of telling someone no or telling them what they don’t want to hear, is it because of their past reactions or because of what you’ve experienced life? It’s important to understand why you’re feeling this tension. You need to be able to set clear boundaries with everyone, otherwise you can be taken advantaged of by anyone.

Have you ever done something because someone “made” you feel guilty? First of all, nobody can make you feel anything. Don’t put that on the other person – that’s a you issue. But secondly, have you ever talked with that person before, explaining that you’re sorry they feel that way, but you’re still sticking with your decision? If you flip flop and cave in whenever you feel guilty, they’re more likely to try to manipulate you into doing more things for them by guilting you in the future.

Have you ever seen someone lash out in rage, like a toddler throwing a tantrum, when you told them something that they didn’t like? That’s unhealthy behavior and needs to be addressed. If they can’t respectfully disagree with you, or if they can’t be civil, you need to leave. Don’t stay in an unhealthy, abusive relationship. You have other options. They are better options. Even if it brings more uncertainty for a period of your life, it is best to pack up and leave before you feel even more trapped.

Have you ever felt anger towards someone else for doing something that you didn’t like? Was it actually crossing the line (like infidelity) or was it just not congruent with what you wanted? Are you only thinking of how their action does/doesn’t benefit you? Realize that this is their life, and they need to do what is best for them. Whether you agree with their decision or not is different story. But just like in the last paragraph, you need to be able to respectfully disagree. Put yourself in their shoes and treat them how you would want to be treated. You can dislike the decision, but still like the person.

In the end, we are all human. We all make mistakes. But no matter what mistakes you make when setting boundaries, always treat the other person with compassion. Whether you’re the one setting boundaries or they are, respect that setting boundaries can be difficult, and respect their wishes. Just like someone can’t make you do anything or feel a certain way, don’t try to make others do something that they clearly don’t want to do.

The people closest to the work that is being done should know it the best – knowing the redundancies that can be eliminated and recognizing what can be improved upon. Leaders (at the top of the hierarchy) need to give the employees doing the work the ability to take ownership and make suggestions.

Instead of forcing employees to abide by rules just for rules’ sake, be results-oriented. Let those doing the work present alternative ways of doing something to make whatever they’re doing better. If they can be more effective (getting better results), more efficient (doing it in a more timely manner), and can wrap what they’re doing into a standard operating procedure that is sustainable and repeatable, why would leaders not listen to employees? Just because an idea didn’t come from the leadership team does not mean that it is wrong. Leaders need to empower others (put them in a position to improve the work that they will be doing) by making suggestions on whatever task can be done better.

“Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.” – Khalil Gibran

Have you ever been stuck doing a particular activity for days, months, or even years, making incremental improvements along the way, but feeling like it just isn’t doing anything for you? We should always give our best efforts and try to make the most of anything that is in front of us, but sometimes, we need to know when to pivot and move on to something else. There is a difference between giving up on something before you truly give it a chance and giving up on something to advance toward another opportunity.

In the first scenario, you’re running away from something. You don’t want to face the difficulties that lie ahead if you continue down your current path. If this is what you’re doing, you will likely find yourself in the same boat with your new task/adventure. Because, here, you’ll always be looking for something “better.” But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. And if the grass actually is greener, it’s because whoever is maintaining the grass over there is taking care of it. They’re watering the grass, fertilizing it, picking up the dog poop, etc. Your grass is dying because you stopped taking care of it – you stopped trying (or never started in the first place).

In the second scenario, you’re running to something. You’re excited for the possibilities that await by going all in on the new activity. You know that this activity will be just as difficult, maybe even more difficult at first, but you’re willing to put in the effort to “make the grass green.” In this scenario, you’ve already given everything you have to what you’ve been working on, so when you switch activities, there is no doubt in your mind that this is the right choice. This gives your mind a certain peacefulness and clarity, so your thoughts won’t be clouded by “what if’s” while trying to focus on the new activity. Instead, you can bring that same dedication and focus to the new activity.

In today’s world, changing tasks or activities is fun. Our attention spans seem lower than ever. But just remember to choose an activity that excites you! Not all movement is progress. Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean you’re getting closer to your desired destination. But only you get to decide which route you want to go to get there. And sometimes you can find better paths just by trying something new. Whatever path you end up choosing, stay on it for a while. Give it an honest shot at getting you to where you want to go. And in the end, if it looks like it won’t get you there, there will always be another path for you to choose.