You can’t change that which has already happened. You can’t avoid what needs to be done or hope that if you ignore it, it will disappear. You can’t change reality. It is what it is. You can only change how you view it and respond to it.
Something bad happened to you at work? That stinks. Make adjustments and move on.
You have to make a difficult phone call? Waiting around won’t help. In fact, it will do the opposite…you’ll think about it all day, let anxiety build up, and then still have to make that difficult phone call. Own up to it and make the call.
A loved one passes? Remember them. Remember all of the amazing things that they did for you and with you. But most of all, remember that they loved you and don’t want you to feel this pain. You have to keep going, not just for yourself, but for those who are still with you and because it is what whoever has passed would want you to do.
Life doesn’t happen the way we want it to. No matter how hard you wish for something or pray for something, it is not for us to determine the outcome. The only things that we truly have control over is our actions to put us in the best position to achieve our wishes, and our responses to the realities of life.
If you prioritize your schedule, you are operating based on the picture right in front of you. This is important, but it can also be a trap. By only looking at a To Do list (one day at a time), deadlines can creep up and big goals can be missed. By prioritizing your schedule for the day, you’re basically in a reactive mode. You look at your schedule and say, “Ok. I need to do x, y, and z today to put out these fires or, at the very least, not let the fire spread.”
The more you can step back and look at the whole picture (instead of only at the part immediately in front of you), the quicker you’ll be able to reach your overarching goal. Retired Navy Seal Jocko Willink describes this as “detaching” from the situation by looking up and out.
If you are looking down the scope of a gun, you are less aware of your surroundings. Every once in a while you need to take your eyes off of that extremely narrow point of view so you can see what’s going on around you – you need to detach to see the whole picture. By doing this, you can reprioritize what is the most important thing you need to do to get you to where you want to go.
The further out you can look, the better you can plan. You can look at what you need to get done for the year, reverse engineer that to what should be done at the halfway point, what should be done by the end of the quarter, by the end of the month, end of the week, end of the day, and what you need to be doing right now to make sure you’re on track to completion.
If you only prioritize what is on your schedule for the day and don’t look ahead, you will feel like you’re doing a lot, but you’re not moving closer to achieving your big goals. Never confuse being busy with being productive. Schedule your priorities or your priorities will get tossed aside by life.
“Only those who have the patience to do things perfectly will acquire the skills to do difficult things easily.” Friedrich Schiller
When you’re new to an activity, chances are that you’ll be mediocre, or maybe even bad at it. But with regular, intentional practice, you can improve. Depending on the difficulty level, this could take a long time. But if you have the patience and persistence to continually work on your craft, eventually you will acquire the skills to make that once-difficult activity easy.
Anything worth having won’t come free. If you really want it, you’re going to need to put in the effort. And when the going gets tough, that’s when the real decision comes into play…do you double down on your efforts or walk away from that activity, thinking it was only a pipe dream? If you choose the former, try to find a different, but better way of achieving the result you want. If you choose the latter, if you choose to give up on your goal, realize that that’s something you may always regret.
Live your life with your end in mind. When you’re on your deathbed, you don’t want to look back with regrets. Some of the more common regrets include the following:
– Hurting others, especially loved ones, with your actions (such as saying hurtful things, not spending quality time with them, or having an affair).
– Not living up to your full potential (having ideas but never acting on them).
– Not finding meaning or purpose in life (not connected spiritually – not living for something greater than yourself).
Try to minimize those regrets now by taking action (or not taking the wrong actions) on things you may regret later.
Reflect on what you want to do (your big picture goals) and how you want to be remembered (as a loving, caring partner and parent; a fiercely loyal friend; an ambitious and ethical worker). After you’ve decided who you want to be, do your best to be that person every moment of every day. You won’t always live up to this ideal version of yourself, but if you keep it front of mind you’ll be more likely to achieve it.
How do you gain other people’s trust? It starts with your relationship with them. They need to know that you have their best interests at heart. They need to know that they can rely on you to do the right thing, to give them advice when they need it most, or to lend a helping hand when they feel down and out. You need to show your commitment to them – not just when things are going well, but when things are bad as well (showing consistency).
When you offer help, you need to do it sincerely. If you are disingenuous when you offer help, or if you say one thing then talk about them behind their back, you will lose their trust.
If someone is hiring you (whether as an employee or if you’re a contractor for a customer), they want to know that you know what you’re doing (competency), you have a network of individuals to help get the job done right, and you have core values that align with their own.
Lastly, in addition to the qualities listed above, you have to show that you trust them. Trust is a two-way street. If you’re doing everything you can to earn their trust, but you’re not showing them the same respect by distrusting them, they will sense that something is missing.
How can anyone trust you if you don’t trust them first? If you’re not open and honest with others, can you really expect the same from them? Open up to them. Show them that you’re a real person. Be ok with being vulnerable, but don’t overdo it. Most people like feeling helpful. If you show a little vulnerability, they will see that you’re human just like them and will be inclined to help you. But if you come off as a know-it-all robot with no feelings, emotions, or weaknesses, they will treat you like the robot persona that you are showcasing to the world. Likewise, if you’re too vulnerable, you can come off as weak and incompetent. Just like anything in life, showing vulnerability requires balance. Too much and you’ll lose respect from others, but too little and you run the risk of losing connection with them.
A final note on trusting others…not only will you go further by trusting others and others trusting you, but your quality of life will be better. If you never trust anyone, or are paranoid that they’re out to get you, you will end up living a very lonely life. Let others in! Good experiences will be better with others and bad experiences will show you that you’re not alone. Work on building trust with everyone you meet and you’ll see that life is good.
