Author: cbarney.45

Self-doubt is a dream killer. Confidence builds you up and allows you to dream bigger. What you tell yourself is important.

To have confidence, you have to think positively. You have to be optimistic. If things don’t go your way, don’t be an “Eeyore” and have a pity party for yourself. If you do that, you’ll not only feel worse about yourself, but others won’t like working with you either. You run the risk of being trapped in a seemingly never-ending cycle of depression when you talk to yourself negatively.

Have a positive attitude and confidence in yourself. It will act as a magnet to others. Keep your head up. Speak clearly, concisely, and project your voice. Don’t slouch. Smile at others. You’ll be amazed at how changing your body language will give you more confidence, and give others more confidence in you as well.

Actively work on improving yourself everyday and confidence will come. You’ll believe in yourself when you know that you’re an expert in your field and that you can overcome any obstacle in your way.

In any healthy relationship, there are going to be disagreements and arguments. The key to make sure that it stays a healthy relationship is by having both sides play by a set of unwritten rules…mostly, it comes down to this:

– Be open and honest;

– Do not personally attack the other person or their ideas;

– Allow the other person to talk and feel heard;

– Don’t roll your eyes or give off negative body language;

– Don’t try to intimidate the other person (with your words or physically);

– Don’t politic (getting other people involved in your mess).

That’s it. It seems pretty simple, but it is so hard for people to follow. When things get heated, it’s hard not to be emotional. But you have to watch what you say and how you act. A lot can be said in the heat of the moment. But here’s the thing…once said, it can’t be unsaid.

If you know that you generally overreact or “blow up” in stressful situations, try to wait before you respond. Dr. Viktor Frankl used the acronym SPR to identify how we can handle these situations better. When a stimulus (S) occurs, make sure that you pause (P) before you respond (R). The longer the pause, usually, the healthier the response. As you distance yourself from the stimulus with more time, it helps to take the emotion out of the picture and allows you to see the situation more objectively.

Relationships can be irrevocably damaged when you cross the line and break the unwritten rules. Instead of getting combative or defensive when arguing, try to cool off and collect your thoughts before responding. It may feel like you’re losing the battle by not going tit-for-tat, volleying insults back and forth, but you’re winning the war. If you care about the relationship that you have with that other person, you must follow the unwritten rules of arguing. Don’t cross the line, because once you do, it’s hard to go back.

Our ego is constantly getting in our way. If someone blames us for something, the first thing most of us do is defend ourselves (shielding our ego from being hurt). It’s a natural instinct, but it’s also wrong.

In his book, “Extreme Ownership,” former Navy Seal Jocko Willink talks about how we all need to take ownership of everything that happens in our lives. If we don’t like the result of what happened, it is up to us to make the necessary changes to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

The best leaders take responsibility for that which has gone wrong, but hand out praise when things go right. A lot of times, we see the opposite happening. When things go well, the leader loves taking credit for the team’s success, but when things go poorly, they have no problem pointing blame elsewhere. Or sometimes the leader says they are taking responsibility for a negative result, but their actions or the manner in which they say they’re taking responsibility shows otherwise. We see right through their hollow words and learn that we can’t trust what they say.

Next time an issue arises at work or at home, try taking ownership of it. This will be difficult at first, but try it out. Do this consistently for a month and see how it goes. Chances are, you’ll end up earning more respect from your peers or spouse, and with that, they will want to work harder with you to achieve the team’s desired outcome in the future. If you only point out the faults of others, not only will they not like you, they won’t respect you or work hard for/with you. Earn their trust, their love, and their respect and you’ll go much further as a team. Do this by taking ownership and watch your relationships grow.

Discipline begets discipline. If you are disciplined in one area of your life, you are more likely to be disciplined in other areas as well. It is those who lack discipline who don’t reach their goals.

Goals, when properly set, require discipline and perseverance to achieve them. Are you consistently taking the right actions to reach your goals?

Always choose to forgive even if you don’t forget. Why would you choose to stay angry when you can move on? A weight will be lifted off of your shoulders if you choose forgiveness.