Author: cbarney.45

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” – William James

It is impossible to be up to date on all of the newest information available. It is impossible to be everything to everybody. If you try to know all of the answers or to be the hero for someone else, you are not only choosing to accept an impossible task, but you are choosing a never-ending task as well.

The world keeps going. It’s not going to stop for you as you try to tackle your next problem. You have to determine what you need to focus on and the let the other things go.

Prioritize what is important to you and focus solely on that. Let the trivial things go. If you give everything equal weight in importance, you will quickly become overwhelmed. We know that not every task is equal. Not every task means the same to you, nor should it, so stop acting like they do. Don’t give power to the things that don’t matter and they won’t affect you. Be selective in what you choose to focus on and, just as importantly, what you choose to overlook.

We humans are flawed…very flawed. When we get to buy or experience something that we really want, we enjoy it for a time, but eventually that novelty wears off. We don’t appreciate it as much anymore.

We land a dream job and after a few years, it becomes only a job. An obligation. We “have to” go to work. If you change your mindset from “have to” to “get to,” you will feel more content for a longer period of time. It puts things into perspective. You don’t have to go to your job, you get to go. You get to see people who you’ve grown with and care about. You get to make a difference in this world. You get to get paid, while others are looking for work, or looking to be paid as well as you do.

The same can be said about exercising. You don’t have to go to the gym, you get to go. Have you ever seen those YouTube videos of exercise equipment in third world countries? The ones where they exercise outside in the blistering heat and have to use old car tires for weighted plates? And you’re complaining about going to an air conditioned space to improve your health?

You don’t have to go pick up your children, you get to go pick up your children. You’re lucky to even have children. So many couples want to conceive, but are unable.

You don’t have to clean up after your spouse, you get to. He/she could have chosen somebody else to spend the rest of their lives with. Think of all of your imperfections that they have to deal with for you. They do it without saying a word to you because they love you. You should be able to do the same.

Focus on changing your mindset to one that you “get to” experience life and you will enjoy longer lasting happiness and gratitude. Your heart will be content and you will feel less stress. Don’t take life for granted anymore.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.” – Epictetus

Life is never going to go according to your plans. Sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. We can’t control everything, but what we can control is how we react to our surroundings.

We know that life isn’t always going to go our way. When it doesn’t, how you respond? If you get bad news, do you lash out at the person who told you? Do you break down and cry? Or do you remain calm in the face of adversity and figure out your next move?

Don’t have a pity party for yourself. It won’t make you feel better and then you’ve wasted valuable time to take corrective action. Not only that, but the longer you remain down, the more others view you in a negative light. Your best case scenario is that others will have sympathy for you. You might get their charity. But sympathy only goes so far and their charity will run out too. At some point, even the people who feel bad for you will get tired of your complaining.

People admire someone who can pick themselves up after falling. They respect those who can overcome defeat, who can stay positive when it looks like there’s not much to be positive about. When you take ownership of your actions and your reactions, you begin to feel more positive about your life. Even when you feel you have no control over the events occurring, at least you know that you have control over your responses.

Start practicing how you respond to events today. You’ll always make mistakes. You’ll still get angry or down sometimes. But the quicker you minimize those actions and feelings, the quicker you can move on and start making the correct actions. In the process, you’ll feel less helpless and more in control of your life.

Learn to say no. Not every task gives you the same return on investment, so why are we treating them all equally? You may have ten things to complete on your “To Do” list, but only three are important, urgent, and can’t be delegated to someone else. Of those three tasks, one is more important than the others. Focus on that most important task until it is complete and say NO to everything else until it is done.

Every time you say “yes” to something that is not related to your one task, you are saying “no” to your most important work. Saying yes to everything is like making incremental progress in a thousand directions. You’ll be very busy, but it won’t feel like you’ve done anything substantial. But if you limit what you say yes to and only focus on your most important task, you can make enormous progress in one direction.

By learning to say no to others, you are saying yes to yourself. Be ok with not making everyone else happy. You aren’t able to even if you try. You have to be able to say no (to yourself and to others) or else you’ll never be able to make the progress that you desire.

Integrity is when the actions you take are in alignment with the words you speak.

Be honest with yourself and with others.

The foundation of every relationship we have in this world is built on trust. You can build trust not by talking a good game, but by walking the talk as well.

Follow through with your commitments.

If you say you’re going to do something, do it.

Tell the truth, don’t twist facts. As Maya Angelou once said, “There’s a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure the truth.”