Whenever I hear that phrase it immediately triggers me. You may want something, you may have worked hard for something, but you don’t “deserve” anything. That feeling – the feeling of entitlement – leads to dangerous mindset. Once you start feeling entitled, you begin to appreciate things less and take what you have for granted. Suddenly, what you have isn’t a blessing, but a right to have it. Instead of feeling grateful, you feel unsatisfied. A sense of entitlement can lead to a rotten life.
“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” – Benjamin Disraeli
“Happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama
“Happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Happiness is like a butterfly…the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but if you notice the other things around you, it will gently come and sit on your shoulder.” – Henry David Thoreau
Be happy with what you have, but don’t be satisfied. Stay hungry. Keep striving for better (and remember that more and better are not synonymous). Do not take for granted how lucky you truly are.
We all get paid to produce, whether we think of it that way or not. Just like professional athletes get paid to entertain, teachers get paid to educate, and personal trainers get paid to get us in shape, we get paid with the expectation of achieving a certain result for our employer or our client. Everyone gets paid to produce, and when you stop producing, you stop getting paid. The more value you produce (whether it is in quantity or quality), the more you get paid. The more value you produce, the greater your job security. You’ll always be able to find a job/keep a job if you produce more value than the company is paying you AND if you are ethically obtaining those results/abiding by the team’s core values.
Expect greatness, demand it, and you will get it. This is what the New England Patriots do. If you operate out of fear and always expect the worst possible outcome to happen, it will happen (think of my beloved Cleveland Browns). If you expect the worst or if you stop playing to win (instead, playing not to lose), that’s exactly what will happen. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Never catch yourself saying, “This stuff always happens to me.” Change your mindset and you’ll change your future.
On this day, in 2017, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 59.
He was one of the most influential people in my life and it was devastating for me to lose him so quickly.
Today, as I look back at the memories I have of him, I reflect on some of what he has taught me and hope that I am able to pass these lessons along to my children. Below are the first five lessons that come to mind when thinking of my dad.
1) Life is good…Be optimistic. Put things into perspective. We are extremely fortunate to be where we are and should not take it for granted. Even when times are tough, remember that life is good.
2) Happiness is a state of mind, not a state on the map…protect your mental health. Strengthen it. Your happiness must come from within. You can’t run away from your inner demons. A change in scenery is not the answer – facing your challenges is.
3) You can do anything in the world if you put your mind to it…my dad believed more in me than anybody on this planet. He instilled confidence in me when I didn’t have it. He was confident, brash, and intelligent. Sometimes he had too much confidence, but that allowed him to do as much as he did – he served in the military, graduated from the Culinary Institute of America, was a teacher, executive chef, business owner, author, sang in the church choir, led a men’s group at church, volunteered with prison ministry, and did so much more. He truly lived…he wasn’t afraid to try new things and he wasn’t afraid of “failing.” Most people are afraid of changing because they fear the unknown. They fear that they might fail. My dad experienced fear too, but he didn’t run from it. He used to paraphrase Cus D’Amato, saying, “The Hero and The Coward both experience fear. But it’s what they do with it that separates the two. You get to choose what you do with fear.”
4) “Did you try your best?” My dad didn’t care about the grades I earned. He was proud of me no matter what I did, and if I didn’t receive an “A” on a test he would ask “did you try your best?” Sometimes the answer was yes, and that was good enough for him. If the answer was no, then he would ask a follow up question of what I could have done better. He didn’t focus on the outcome as much as he focused on the processes which led to the outcome.
5) “I love you.” My dad was caring, passionate, and not afraid to be vulnerable. He always wanted my sister and I to know that he loved us, so he told us frequently. He didn’t want us to have any ambiguity. Anytime he had to leave (whether in person or on the phone), he would always tell us that he loved us. To this day, I still say this to my wife, my sister, and my mom every time that I am leaving. And I will always tell it to my son and unborn daughter.
My dad and I at The National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. My family on the day of my sister’s wedding. At a restaurant in Buffalo, NY.
