Author: cbarney.45

Don’t fall into the trap of “resulting.” Just because a certain outcome occurred does not mean that the decisions leading up to that outcome were correct. Don’t forget that luck, whether good or bad, often plays a factor in the result. It is important to understand the difference between your thought process/the actions you take and the result of those thoughts/actions.

Taking correct actions will lead to positive results more often than not. But taking the right actions does not guarantee success.

A common example is playing a bad hand at poker. You may have a low chance of winning the hand when the cards were initially dealt, but with a little luck, you may end up catching the card you needed to win on the River. This is what poker players refer to as “bad beats.” The end result was positive for you – you won the hand. But that doesn’t mean that you played the hand correctly/took the right actions.

If you focused only on the result of the hand, you would conclude that you should always play when you have that starting hand. You could go on, continuing to play those poor cards with a low probability of winning just because you won with them once (not taking luck into account). But if you don’t conflate your actions with results, you will end up better off in the long run.

Everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. We all have inner demons that we are battling. Some of what we face is self-inflicted, but other times we face issues with friends, family members, or other outside influences.

When facing tough times, some people are sharers and let you know what’s going on in their life, while others bottle their emotions up and don’t talk to anyone. Some people (most people) react poorly to adversity and stress. If they snap at you, it is easy to get mad at them. But we should not assume that we know their intentions when they act rightly or wrongly towards you. (By the way, there is no actual right or wrong, it’s just how you perceive it…what is “right” for you may be wrong for someone else, and vice versa.)

If you find yourself getting mad at how others are acting towards you, try the following steps…

1) Increase the length of the “pause” before you respond. This stems from the SPR (stimulus-pause-response) system that Dr. Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, suggested. Basically, instead of us getting caught up in the moment and reacting to a negative event, the longer we can pause after a stimulus, the more control we have over our response.

2) Try to think of their point of view. Did you actually do something wrong? You are not perfect. Now is not the time to get defensive. When things have “cooled down” talk with them about what is going on…could you have done something differently? Talking with them about this may give them the opportunity to realize that they may have taken out their frustrations on you. OR it can let you know what you may have done to trigger their response and you can work on eliminating that action, if appropriate.

3) Don’t be so easily offended. Just because someone else overreacts to something doesn’t mean that you should do the same. Today’s culture is one of outrage. It is the default for so many people…things that used to not affect us have now become terrible offenses that can get you fired. While you can’t control other people’s actions/emotions/feelings, you can choose yours. Choose to not be offended.

4) Understand that most people are not “bad” people. They aren’t purposefully trying to hurt you. As Napoleon Bonaparte said, “Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.”

5) Lastly, try to be more compassionate. Forgive others. If you don’t find a way to forgive them, it not only affects your relationship with them, but it also breeds anger and resentment in your heart. It does you more harm to you than you probably realize. Ultimately, you’re always going to struggle with something, just like your neighbor, colleague, and family member is struggling with something. We all have our own battles. But what we can do is practice being a better person, a nicer person, a more forgiving person, and the world will be a better place for it.

How our life turns out ultimately comes down to two things – luck and skill.

We cannot control how lucky we get in life. Just the fact that we were born in a first world country and have access to the internet makes us luckier than a lot of people.

What we do have control over is our skill. What can we do to influence the outcome of events in our lives? How can we put ourselves in position to improve our lives? This includes taking the right actions, but also avoiding the wrong ones. It includes being aggressive in the right spots, after doing research, but being conservative enough to not chase after “lottery tickets.” What new skills can we learn or what existing skills do we already have that we can improve?

“Congrats! You made the sale!” Don’t pat yourself on the back too much. Yes, it took skill to close the deal. But you also got lucky. You got lucky that the client was ready to buy, that they called you, or that they heard about your company from a friend. Remember, there are always elements of both luck and skill in everything we do.

The less somebody needs something (where demand is low), the more skill is required to obtain the sale. As we become more experienced in our profession, we should rely less and less on luck and more on skill. It’s like a sliding scale. Maybe the sale depends on 50% luck/50% skill in year one, but gradually slides to 40/60, 30/70, etc as we become more skilled and are able to overcome objections and “bad luck.”

I have to admit…I consume a lot information.

It is part of our culture to consume information, whether we know it or not. But what I consume is atypical from the average American. The only tv I watch is sports and the occasional movie or show. I average about an hour of tv per day (except on Sundays, when I watch a full football game with friends/family). So what do I do with my spare time? I read and listen – a lot. I feel like a sponge, continually soaking up new information via articles, books, podcasts, and audiobooks. Most of the time it could be useful information too, not just entertainment, if only I gave it direction/purpose. But having this newfound knowledge and actually doing something with it are completely different things. People have done far more than I have with less knowledge.

You need to decide, are you going to be a hoarder of knowledge, but not do anything with it? How can you be intentional with not only what you’re learning, but how to use what you’re learning? How can you slow down/make time to produce something from what you’ve learned?

Learning new things is not a bad thing – it’s actually a very good thing. But make sure there is a balance between how much you are consuming and how much you are producing. At some point, you need to start producing value too (using what you’ve learned), otherwise you’re wasting your talent.

Question: What’s the difference between you (someone who reads maybe 25-30 books per year) and someone who doesn’t read at all?

Answer: It depends on what you do with that knowledge. If you use it to make a difference in your life, the difference could be staggering (in a good way). If you don’t use that knowledge for anything other than bragging rights, the difference can also be staggering (in that there is no difference, other than you might feel “superior” to others).

Make sure that after every book you read, you set aside time to implement at least one thing that you learned from that book.

“When all else is lost, the future still remains.” – Christian Nestell Bovee

You can lose everything – your car, your house, your job, your husband/wife – but you still have a future. You still have a chance to turn it all around. Do not lose hope. It can be a tough road back, but you must not give up.