Author: cbarney.45

How do you stay “a dreamer?” When we’re young, the world is our oyster. We believe that we can be anything in the world. We have dreams of becoming astronauts, professional athletes, and the president. 

But as we grow older, whether it’s due to our own failures and inadequacies or whether it’s due to other people telling us how risky/unrealistic our dream is and that we need to have a backup plan, eventually we stop dreaming. 

Are we afraid of failure? Are we afraid of hard work? What is holding us back? How can we keep dreaming and not let the monotony of everyday life steal years from us one day at a time?

In life, you have to play defense sometimes. You have to protect yourself from getting into a spot that you won’t be able to get out of. But you also need to play offense. You need to be aggressive in trying to live your dream and know that failure is coming. Because if you don’t fail, you’re not trying. You’re not growing if you don’t fail.

Nelson Mandela once said, “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that’s less than the one you’re capable of living.”

When you play small, or settle, you’re basically agreeing to a life of mediocrity. Don’t live a life without passion, without dreams. Have big goals. Fail and try again. Keep dreaming and take charge.

“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” – Paul Tournier

You are your thoughts. Control your mind and you control your life. Outside events will no longer dictate your mood. Study philosophy, read, listen to podcasts or audiobooks, go to church, surround yourself with positive people.

But guess what? Everything I just mentioned is an outside influence. And didn’t we want outside influences/events to not determine our thoughts and feelings? Yes. But here’s the kicker…you need to carefully select what you allow in your mind space. You get to choose what enters your mind. Take in that which builds you up and expel that which is trying to tear you down. 

You can become anything you want if you believe it and are taking intentional steps toward achieving your goals.

“He who has found a why to live can bear almost any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

When the going gets tough, if you have a reason bigger than yourself to keep going, you can dig deep and continue pushing forward. If you have a “why” for what you want to do, it gives you hope and encouragement. If you don’t have a why (or a purpose), then when things get tough, you’ll be tempted to quit. Because if you don’t have a reason to do something and it’s causing you stress or pain, why would you continue doing that?

Find your “why.”

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt in his speech titled “Citizenship in a Republic”

It sounds weird saying it, but focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have. If you continually think of what you’re missing (not just for material “things,” but what a friend, coworker, or family member may be lacking, whether it be in mental fortitude, financial aptitude, etc), that becomes your main focus. You could have a great relationship where 90%+ of everything you’ve ever wanted is right in front of you and you could be happy about it, or you can focus on the last 10% and be upset. Nobody is perfect, including you, so don’t put your relationships with others, or put the possession of a material object, on a pedestal.

Your ideal version of the relationship is not realistic. Owning an item will not make you happy in the long term. It’s ok to dream, to share your dreams, and to work on them with others. But, at the end of the day, just remember that you can’t make anyone change and that you can’t buy happiness (via purchasing a material item). You can only change two things: yourself and your attitude. 

One last thing to leave you with…I’ve heard Tim Ferris’s quote this “equation” before and found it to be useful.

Happiness = Reality – Expectations

If you set realistic expectations, oftentimes reality will coincide with them, and you will be happy. If you expect things to go perfectly according to plan, you will often find yourself feeling frustrated when your reality does not meet your expectations.