Author: cbarney.45

You must use a blend of tactics to be the best leader that you can be. There is a balance of encouraging others and of critiquing them. You must give them the freedom to make reversible mistakes on their own, not micromanaging their every decision, but at the same time, step in before a situation gets out of control. If you are frustrated with them, you must find the balance of letting them know what is frustrating you, but doing so in a way that doesn’t paralyze them or make them fearful of making the wrong decision.

As a leader/teacher, you should be respected, not feared. The only fear that others should have of you is the fear of letting you down. To build respect, you must treat others right, say the right things, and do the right things. This also means that you need to have the courage to be disliked. You have to have uncomfortable conversations, calling others out when you feel that they are slacking or not performing their best work.

Always criticize in private, but praise in public.

Never gossip or talk about someone behind their back.

You should be willing to be brutally honest with others, if necessary, but pick and choose when to lay it all out on the table. If you constantly are tearing someone down, criticizing each mistake, but not reviewing the things that they are doing well, you can ruin a person’s confidence or build resentment.

There are many times in life where things don’t go as planned. This can be stressful, especially if you’re a “Type A” kind of person. You want things to be done in a certain way and in a certain order. But if it doesn’t? How do you react? Does it get you all bent out of shape?

I have found that the easiest way to deal with a situation is to stop and think, does this really matter? And the answer is usually maybe, but not really.

Everything that we do builds on one another. Every success and every failure is a chance to learn and grow. And unless there is an irreversible and incorrectable (I think I just made up that word) action, then it doesn’t truly matter. The stumbling blocks that feel big today will hardly be a memory in a month, let alone 10 years from now.

Try to keep things in perspective. Most things that we face on a day-to-day basis do not have a life-altering effect. That being said, it is our actions that define us. Make sure that you are acting in alignment with your moral values and make adjustments as needed along the way. Work on making the right decision always, but if you don’t, don’t beat yourself up. Learn from it and move on. Realize that nobody is perfect, no matter how much they seem to have their life together.

Lastly, if you feel that you did everything in your power to make things right and you still didn’t get the result that you want, realize that this happens in life. Go back and analyze what you did and how you can improve, but don’t dwell on the past. Do this once to learn from it, then clear it from your mind. Don’t change your ethics and cut corners, thinking that it will get you a better result. Because at the end of the day, you have to look yourself in the mirror and be ok with the decisions that you made. Focus on the actions/behaviors, not on the results, and remember to think to yourself, does this really matter?

Be in a state on wondery, not wandering. Be curious. Be interested. Learn. Never arrive. Always improve. Don’t wander aimlessly and squander days, which turn into months and years.

If you constantly find things that interest you, life will not get boring. You’ll always be excited for what’s next and want to learn more. That’s how life should be.

Have you ever met someone that reminds you of  Eeyore? They’re always pessimistic and generally depressed? This doesn’t attract other people to them (especially not positive people), which in turn continues their cycle of depression.

If you have depression, seek help. It is very serious. But if you’re just sad or stuck in a rut? Do something about it. Find something that interests you. Find a passion. My passions include my family, being outdoors, sports, working out, finance, and real estate. I can’t get enough of any of these items.

Try to find something that you love and spend more time doing that. Make goals for yourself. Be in wonder and your life will be looking up!

The past cannot be cured. There is nothing that you can do now to “undo” what has already happened. You can (and should) sincerely apologize if you’ve wronged someone. But at some point, you need to let go of the past. 

Focus on your next decision, on making the right decision, and go from there. That’s all you can do. If the other person accepts your apology, great. They are a forgiving person. Remember this when others wrong you…you should forgive them. 

Forgiveness will set you free. Holding grudges will only keep you in a dark place. 

Don’t seek recognition or credit. Do what is right because that’s what you do. That’s what you’re supposed to do. You don’t need to brag to others about doing what you’re supposed to do. The only reason why you want credit for doing something is to build up your ego. Once you have an inflated ego, you are more likely to look down on others and to continue to seek recognition from others to keep your status elevated. Try to ignore this, if at all possible.