Author: cbarney.45

On disagreements

Speak your mind. Don’t be afraid to disagree, but know the difference between healthy disagreement/debate and an argument. Don’t call people names or lose your temper when debating. And as you’re stating your opinion, keep one thing in mind – you’re not that smart.

You won’t always be right and you shouldn’t always have an answer to everything. It’s ok to say, “I don’t know.”

Do not cling to an opinion and be afraid to change it – keep an open mind. If you gain more information on a subject, whether by collecting it yourself or being told new info from someone else, it should either be adding to your argument or breaking it down. Either way, the balance should be shifting one way or the other.

Don’t react out of anger

“In your anger do not sin.” – Ephesians 4:26.

Don’t act when you’re angry, as you are far more likely to do something you will regret. If you say something or do something, guess what? You can’t take it back. Don’t potentially ruin a relationship, a career, or a life by acting out of anger. Control yourself. Understand your emotions. Come back and address it once you’ve had time to calm down and think about it in a reasonable way.

Are you helping or hurting?

There’s a spectrum of helpfulness and hinderance. For example, helping (or not) around the house. If you don’t lift a finger around the house, obviously it is not helpful. But on the other hand, if you try to be Superman (or Superwoman) and do everything yourself, you are actually hurting those around you more than you think. Those who live in the household need to contribute to the household. If they don’t have any duties, 1) they won’t feel useful; 2) they will become unaccustomed to building good work habits; 3) they will not learn necessary life skills like doing laundry, doing dishes, taking out the trash, starting a lawn mower/knowing how to use it, etc. They develop a “learned helplessness” because you didn’t let them do anything.

In short, doing everything can give you a sense of accomplishment because you’re checking things off the “to-do” list, but it is hurting those you love in the long run. Another unintended side effect is you will often build a resentment towards that person (“why aren’t they helping me?”)

Just as with everything else in life, there is a balance between doing, delegating, and eliminating. Don’t do everything. See if your partner likes certain chores more than others. Maybe he/she likes loading the dishwasher and you don’t. Great! That can be their chore. Maybe you like folding laundry, but not putting it away. Ok! You can split that task up. Get your kids involved too. Yes, their life should involve a lot of playing, but if you don’t teach them to have responsibilities then you aren’t doing them any favors when they eventually enter the real world.

Effort over (natural) ability

Everyone wants to be extremely talented and to have incredible natural ability. But the reality is that not all of us are blessed with that natural ability. We can’t change that. But what we can change is our effort.

How hard are you willing to work? How much are you willing to sacrifice? Are you determined to make it happen? Do you make a plan and work the plan? Are you intrinsically motivated? Do you work well with others? Do you have a good attitude? Do you show up? Do you follow through with what you say you’ll do?

Your effort in life will play a bigger role than your natural ability. The more effort you give, the more ability you can develop.