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The key to having less conflict in relationships

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” – Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

If you want to have less conflict, don’t go looking for it. Choose not to be offended and you won’t be. Stop trying to listen for things you don’t want to hear. If you’re on edge (in marriage and in life), and looking for things to be upset about, you can always find them. Let the little things go. Forgive more. Nobody is perfect – including you. So get off your high horse and accept your significant other as they are.

Your happiness starts with YOU

“To be happy together, you first have to be able to be happy alone.” – Mark Manson

You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy – it has to start with you. If you don’t like yourself, how you look, how you act, what you do, or how you do it, how can you expect someone to else to make you feel happy?

It starts with you. You have to like yourself – to be able to enjoy being by yourself and not always needing someone else to be around to distract or entertain you. Once you do that, you can have lasting happiness with someone else. Otherwise, they can make you forget for a moment, but they can’t make you happy “forever.”

Don’t base your happiness on being with someone else. You need to have a base level of happiness with yourself, then you can add others in the mix (like your spouse/significant other, family, friends, co-workers, etc) to amplify it.

How to make BETTER decisions FASTER

Work on making BETTER decisions FASTER. If you can quickly grasp concepts, see the big picture, and make sure that your decision aligns with your goals and values, you will go far in life. GREAT leaders can make quick decisions that consistently are the correct decisions (or, at least, mostly correct and move themselves/the team in the right direction).

How can you do this?

1) Practice making decisions quickly on trivial matters. Don’t waste a bunch of time on a decision that doesn’t really matter (like what you’re eating for dinner, what movie you should watch tonight, etc). Practice making small decisions quickly and it will become easier to make bigger decisions quickly. If your decisions come with unintended negative consequences, at least it was over something trivial and you can easily recover from your “mistake.”

2) Be well-read. The more you read about many subjects, the better you can understand and relate concepts. If you have a great base knowledge over many subjects, you should be able to “pick up” a concept quickly. It’s incredible how many concepts overlap.

3) Know who you are. Know what you stand for, what you value, and what your core beliefs are. You should change over the years, but your core values should not. If something doesn’t align with how you believe you should act/behave, then don’t do it. It’s a rules-based system that automatically eliminates certain decisions for you, reducing your choices and making it easier for you to make better decisions quickly.

4) Know what you want/what your goals are. If you know you want six-pack abs, then you probably know you should workout everyday, eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, and get plenty of sleep. You also probably know that means you shouldn’t binge on pizza and ice cream. When you know what your goals are, it will make it easier for you to make decisions which align with your goals. Make sure you review what it is that you want frequently to keep it top of mind.

Adding slack to your life to reduce stress

You need “slack” or a buffer in your system, your schedule, and your life. If your schedule is too tightly packed, when one event runs past it’s allotted time, it will have a domino effect – causing you extra stress and making other people wait on you. When you’re late for one event, then you’ll probably be late for the one after that, and the next one, and the next one…Plan for everything to take a little longer (giving yourself extra time, aka “slack”) and you will reduce stress/anxiety.

This concept can be applied in all areas of life – even thinking of your budget/emergency savings. Instead of stressing about money when an emergency pops up, you’ll be able to dip into your emergency fund to pay for it. Just be sure to replenish it, as another emergency will inevitably occur at some point in life.

How to get ahead

Do you know how to get ahead? Here are a few tips:

1. Try your best in everything you do. Don’t half-ass anything. If you’re going to take the time to do something, you might as well do the best you can. The time is going to pass anyways, so why would you choose to do anything less than your best?

2. Be interested. The more curious you are, the more you’ll enjoy learning. If you’re interested in something, you can spark someone else’s interest as well and have friends take part in the activity too.

3. Don’t think that you’re above something. If you are asked to do something at your current job, then do it. You’re not entitled to anything. And if you don’t have a job but are offered something that most would consider being beneath you in the eyes of others, really weigh your options before saying no. If you need the money, take the job and keep looking for something better. Don’t rely on unemployment or your parents to take care of you when you’re fully capable of doing so yourself.

4. Have a great attitude. There are a lot of things you can’t control, but one thing you can control is your attitude. Choose to be happy. Choose to see the best in every situation and in everybody. Nobody likes being around a complainer.

5. Look for opportunities. Keep your eyes open. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Keep learning, planning, practicing, and taking action. Opportunities are all around us if we just look for them.