Author: cbarney.45

Being a positive realist

Not everything that happens in life is positive. Yes, you can try to find the silver lining in everything (and you should), but that doesn’t mean that you should ignore the negative.

When you feel pain, suffering, or annoyance, it’s for a reason. Pay attention to that and do something about it. If you can’t do anything about it, there’s no need to get angry or stressed about it. There’s no need to beat yourself up over it or to make yourself feel bad. And there is never a need to have self-pity.

Things happen that we don’t want to happen all the time. We can’t change the past. But we can learn from it and use those experiences to shape our future. Whether we decide to focus on the negative or positive is up to us, but the best choice is to see the whole picture, realize it is what it is, and get to work.

It’s just like the Serenity Prayer says…”God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.”

Today, and from now on, work on being a positive realist. You’re realistic about the situation at hand, but you can find the light in everything.

Remember what you’re working for

For the high achievers out there, remember what you’re working for. Some people refer to this as finding your “why.” Why are you working so hard? What is it that you really want?

Sure, you may like what you do, you may find enjoyment getting recognition or accolades from your employer, or you want to be seen as successful in the eyes of your peers/family members, but is that in alignment with what you actually want?

I’ve been working hard for a long time. I worked in high school, worked my way through college, and upon graduating I worked multiple jobs and many hours of overtime to pay off any student loans I had, pay off cars, a mortgage, etc. But after having kids, I had to re-prioritize my life goals. Did I still want to earn financial freedom? Absolutely. But I need to do it in a more sustainable way so I can see my family. Working 60-70 hour work weeks will help me earn income, but at what expense?

The questions I had to ask myself were:

1) What am I working so hard for? What is my new why? The answer to this, I think, is to create the best life possible for my family. That doesn’t necessarily mean to have or to make the most money though. Instead, I think it’s to raise respectful children with good work ethics who are happy with life…and me NOT being around just so I can earn more money or do something I’m “passionate” about is actually a very selfish thing to do.

2) Instead of racing the the financial freedom finish line, am I willing to maybe work a few more years to have a better quality of life (more free time to spend with my family, friends, and hobbies)? The answer to this is yes. What’s the point in rushing to retirement when you might lose your family (say, if you get divorced as a result of never spending time with your spouse), you lose your health (because you’re “too busy” to work out), lose your friends (because you never hang out with them anymore), and have no hobbies (are you just going to sit at home and watch tv all day)?? That life would be so unfulfilling to me.

So, as I conclude, I just want to say that everyone is different. We feel different things, have different goals, and are in different stages of life. Our life experiences are different. Our expectations are different. There is no right or wrong when it comes to why you’re working as hard as you are. But the key thing is to think about what you’re working for and adjust your time accordingly.

Prioritize relationships

Prioritize relationships.

Don’t let your pride or ego get in the way. What’s more important? Always being right? Or maintaining a healthy relationship?

When you are on your deathbed, what is your more likely regret? Tarnishing your relationship with others over something so small that you may or may not even remember? Make sure that you are focusing on what is really important in life.

Spreading joy to make yourself happier

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

Joy, happiness, and laughter are contagious! Even if you are not happy, trying to make others happy can help improve your mood as well.

If you’re moping around, you may get attention in the short-term. Nice people or people who care about you will ask how you’re doing and try to offer encouragement or advice. But if you’re constantly down in the dumps, eventually people will not want to hang around you as much because you’ll drag their mood down too.

Be happy. Try to make others feel good. The more you can genuinely make others laugh or be happy, the more they’ll want to do the same for you. And you get the positive benefit of doing something nice for others, which will increase your happiness.

Memento mori

“Memento mori” means that “remember, you will die.” It helps to keep things in perspective. Some people hate the idea of death and try to avoid thinking about it (whether it’s their own death or others’)…but we should all contemplate death. It is inevitable. No matter how rich or poor you are, your life will eventually come to an end. When it does, how do you want to be remembered? Make sure that you act in accordance to this and don’t forget it.

One last thing – make sure that if others are depending on your salary that you set up a will and get life insurance. You never know if you’re going to get hit by a bus, get cancer, etc. When you do die (especially early or unexpectedly), it will already be an incredibly difficult time for your loved ones. Please don’t make it even harder for them by burdening them financially or not setting up a clear will, which often leads to infighting with those you love the most.