Author: cbarney.45

Measuring success

The popular thing to say is to stop comparing yourself to others. I agree with that to a degree. It should not be your primary focus. You need to measure your performance by asking yourself if you did the best you could. After all, if I compared my three-point shooting to Steph Curry’s, I would feel pretty bad about myself. But if I put in the dedicated practice everyday to get better, that’s all I could ask for.

But at a certain point, if you really want to become better, you have to measure your performance against others. Competition brings out the best in you. Otherwise it’s too easy to get complacent. It’s almost like when you’re working out. Your body can go a lot further than you let it, if only you allowed yourself to really open up/push yourself. But if you’re only working out by yourself, it’s easy to take your foot off the gas pedal. Plus, if you’re never around people who are better than you at something, how will you know what is possible? If they can do something, so can you. You just have to work for it.

So, yes…you shouldn’t primarily be focusing on comparing yourself or your situation to others. BUT that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look around to find motivation to better yourself. If you’re the best at “X” then you need to find others who can push you to new limits.

Credit vs blame

Get over “blame” or “credit.” Don’t do things to look good in the eyes of others. Do what is right and be humble about it. Do not brag and do not throw others under the bus. But be gracious in accepting credit for what you have done and quick to point out the help you received along the way.

On keeping an open mind

Be aware of confirmation bias in order to minimize it. If you deeply want something to be true, you’re more likely to stretch truths to aid your argument. You’re looking for reasons to be right about something and are more likely to ignore facts that don’t match the narrative you have in your head. Don’t do this. Try to keep an open mind. Try to listen to other’s ideas and truly understand them before taking a stance on the subject. And when you do form your own opinion, don’t cling so tightly to it so that you cannot fathom changing your mind (even when new information presents itself).

When will you actually pull the trigger?

You’ve been talking about how you want to do this or how you’d like to do that…but how long have you been saying this?

Stop procrastinating. If you want to do something, make it happen. Just do it.

It all starts with taking action. Sure, you need to plan and prepare. But you can only do that for so long. Eventually, you’re just lying to yourself that you need more time, more money, more…something…

When are you actually going to pull the trigger and do what you want to do? Do you want to get healthier? Start today. Do you want to go on vacation? Book it today.

What if you wait ten years to do something, only to find out you absolutely love it? Wouldn’t you want more time to experience that thing? Start now and live without regret. Because even if the experience isn’t everything you dreamed it would be, at least you would know if you like it or not. You would have clarity on what is, and not worry about “what if.” Stop waiting and just do it.

You’re not going to win

“It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.” – Bill Murray

When you’re in an argument or when you disagree with someone (especially about their opinion or in “gray” matters), how often do you ever actually say something that gets them to change their minds? It’s hard enough to convince them that you’re right using logic and facts, but when you are debating over something that doesn’t have a factually correct/incorrect answer yet and is based on speculation, you most likely aren’t going to “win” that argument.

This is why people say to not talk about sex, politics, religion, or money. Those topics are too emotionally charged. And what is right for one person may not be right for you. How they view the subject will likely be different than you, and discussing it leaves you open to having huge disagreements and arguments over something in which you won’t change their mind.

That being said, if you do get caught up in a debate, don’t take it personally. They believe what they believe and you believe what you believe. Don’t take offense to their opinion, which more often than not, have no bearing on your life. Why would you choose to get worked up over something that doesn’t actually affect you?