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Facing adversity to minimize entitlement

The sooner you can allow your children to experience adversity, the better off they will be. Ideally, they should face small problems/hurdles to overcome, with the hurdles gradually increasing as they are able to mentally and physically overcome them.

If you shield them from every pain, if you protect them from ever receiving negative feedback, they won’t be able to withstand even the slightest pain when they grow up. Imagine how embarrassing it will be when they are eight years old and still don’t know how to share toys/games. Or when they cry for not getting their way when they are nine. Imagine them being a poor sport when they lose a game because you always let them win.

They need to understand rejection, defeat, and not always getting their way. If you always cave in to every request (candy, buying them games, etc), they will expect life to do the same. But that’s not how life works and they will be in for a rude awakening when they finally figure that out. That’s why so many people who are entitled. They think they deserve something just because they are them. They weren’t taught proper manners and expectations at a younger age and have brought a child’s mindset to adolescence (and beyond).

Power, choice, and feelings

Don’t let others’ words control how you feel or react.

I saw this quote on LinkedIn and decided that I wanted to talk about it a little more. I completely agree with this sentiment…

If you allow other people’s words or actions determine if you are happy, sad, mad, or anything in between, you’re in for a roller coaster of emotions in life. You can’t control what they say or do, and if you react to everything, you’re giving them the power to “make” you feel a certain way.

But the truth is, only you get to decide whether or not you feel happy or not. Keep that power for yourself – do not give it away to others who may or may not be thinking about how their actions might affect you physically or psychologically.

Practice what Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor, neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, and author) called SPR – Stimulus, Pause, Response. He said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Be free. Choose to be happy or choose to be mad. But make sure it is you who is making that choice, and not someone else choosing for you.

Thinking about diversification

Does diversification really make sense? I used to think, of course it makes sense! When you diversify, you are spreading out (aka minimizing) your potential risk. But you’re also minimizing your potential reward. So now, my thinking is…maybe. I think it depends on your level of knowledge in what you’re investing in.

Diversification for the novice investor can be thought of as risk mitigation, but for the expert in their field, instead of putting all of their eggs in the basket they know best, they would be putting some eggs in that basket and some in other baskets which they have limited information/knowledge on how to properly optimize their return on investment. An analogy would be to consider a generalist versus a specialist. A generalist might be a jack of all trades, but a master of none, just as diversifying your portfolio makes you “good” in several areas, but not excellent in any. This is because you have spread yourself too thin to truly become an expert in one area.

For the novice investor (which I am, so no judgement is being passed here), I think diversification makes sense. But if you are an expert in your field and you know something better than 99% of the population, why would you reduce your investment where you have an informational advantage? Does it really make sense to invest in things that you don’t know as well just so you are diversified?

Does a top-tier athlete try to go pro in multiple sports or do they eventually select one and try to be the best at that? When you are starting a business, will you get as far by trying to do a little bit of everything and serving every type of client or does it make sense to niche down and become the “go-to” person/business for one specific type of client? That’s where the saying comes from, “when everyone is your customer, nobody is.” You don’t differentiate yourself from your competitors who have either become the experts in their field or who have the name brand recognition and can afford to spread their resources thin.

Setting easy and hard goals

It’s only a partial truth when you hear the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Because the alternative to that is that something could beat you down and wear you out, and if you don’t allow yourself to recover before the next defeat, you’re only going to see a decrease in performance. Too many harsh defeats in a row could decrease your confidence, and instead of making you stronger, it weakens your resolve.

Practice balancing between setting hard to achieve, but still realistic goals and getting some quick wins under your belt (to build momentum and confidence). When you do go for something and fail, prioritize learning from your mistakes and recovering from failures. Just make sure that A) you’re not aiming too low just to avoid the feeling of pain/loss; and B) you have regular stretch goals that are realistic, but definitely not guaranteed.

Practicing patience

The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.

Most things in life that are worthwhile are either difficult to obtain, take effort, or take time to develop/grow. Some of the best things in life require all three. For example, having a strong relationship (whether between your spouse, best friend, or co-worker) takes time. You don’t have a deep relationship with them the first time you meet them. It takes effort on your part to listen, to show you care for them, etc. The longer you do this, the stronger your relationship grows.

The same can be said for physical success (building/shaping your body how you want it to look), mental (learning a new subject or language), financial (accumulating wealth), or at work (you have to start somewhere, and that place usually isn’t at the top). Most great things take time. We don’t plant the seed and eat the fruit the same day, just as we don’t do one workout and get a six pack the same day. The overnight success is the outlier.

Practice patience. Be patient with others, but be patient with yourself and your goals too. Don’t give up just because you’re not seeing results as quickly as you want. Eventually, if you are consistently working towards your goals, you can achieve great things. Just make sure you’re setting S.M.A.R.T. goals towards things that are actually meaningful to you. If you really want to achieve them, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.