cbarney.45 | The Caleb Barney Collection

False narratives

“The way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.” – John Green

Sometimes, when we have incomplete information, or when we don’t really know a person, we tell ourselves that they did something maliciously towards us because they’re mean, miserable, etc. And while there may be some truth to that story, the real truth is we don’t know why they did what they did or why they said what they said. Maybe they were hangry or they just got bad news about their kids, parents, or friends. Maybe they’re going through a divorce or they’re stressed from work. Maybe they thought they were just teasing you and didn’t know you took it the wrong way.

I’d like to think that most people, at least in their own eyes, are good. We may misunderstand them or have different values, but that doesn’t make the other person bad. Your boss or co-worker you can’t stand? They are someone’s mom/dad, husband/wife, child, friend, etc. They want to be happy and feel like they’re contributing to others’ happiness too. Maybe they’re stuck in a rut or you caught them at a bad time, or maybe you were jut too sensitive at that moment.

At the very worst, think of the situation through the lens of Hanlon’s razor. It says, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, sometimes bad things happen not because of people are purposely trying to hurt you, but because they did not think through their actions (and the consequences) properly. People *usually* aren’t out to get you.

Getting things done

“If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do.” – Lucille Ball

Have you ever noticed that when you’re really busy, you don’t feel tired until after you sit down for a break?

Or have you ever noticed that when you have two months to complete a project, you finish (and usually start) the project in two months? But if that same project was due in two weeks or even in two days you would still get it done?

Just like Newton’s first law of physics says, “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion…”

Those who are constantly doing things and making things happen (setting goals and regularly achieving them by taking consistent action) will likely continue to do so. But those who “have all the time in the world” and are not currently in motion will likely not get the task done in the timeframe you want.

This is why it’s so important to stay in motion. Just get started. We should seek progress, not perfection. Perfection is a myth we tell ourselves we are striving for, but in reality it is masking our tendencies of procrastination. Done is better than perfect. Strive for starting, making progress, and finishing a task. Don’t get distracted with the next shiny object. Start something, finish it, then move on to the next one.

Building Resilience

Work on being resilient in all situations. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you can and will overcome it. When you fall down, you can choose to stay down and wallow in sorrow, or you can choose to get back up. Be a riser. Others can’t keep you down, only you get to make that choice.

Don’t overdramatize things. Something didn’t go your way…What is complaining going to do? Nothing. Learn from your mistakes. And if you feel you did everything “right” but it still didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you need to make a bad decision next time because the good decision didn’t pay off this time/last time.

Conversation – A Work In Progress

I’m introverted and generally very goal-oriented. I enjoy working hard and always staying busy. And with that, I feel that my conversational skills are often lacking. I am not big on small talk. I usually feel like I want to move onto the next thing on my checklist and that stopping to make casual conversation is unproductive. But it’s those conversations about “nothing” that help to build relationships and establish feelings of trust. It’s actually very productive (indirectly) if you can take the time to connect with others, as long as you’re still leaving time to complete other tasks (you can’t sit around and gossip all day). This has been one of my biggest social flaws ad is something I’m working to improve…

The key to improving in anything in life is first to be aware that you are deficient in an area. I’ve done that here. With conversational skills being the deficiency, I delve a little deeper into what I think makes up a good/great conversationalist. Basically, there are three parts to being a great conversationalist.

1. Asking the right questions

The first part is knowing what questions to ask. If you don’t know a person, their interests, etc., sometimes it can be difficult to strike up a conversation. But if you have a general understanding of how to start conversations (asking open-ended questions, usually about the person or a topic that the person has an opinion on) and you also have a vast knowledge of current events or miscellaneous information, this is a helpful start.

2. Be curious

After knowing what questions to ask, you have to actually ask those questions and be interested in the person’s response. You need to listen to what they’re saying and respond accordingly. If you’re interested and curious in what they are saying, this will naturally lead to more questions on your part. Give verbal or physical cues showing your interest. Don’t be over dramatic on this and don’t be fake about it, but if you’re actually interested in what they’re saying, encourage them to talk more.

3. Contribute to the conversation

The third part to be in a great conversationalist is to have interesting things to say and to be willing to share stories with others. If you have great stories to tell, but you are only giving people one word answers and not making it appear as if you’re open to have a conversation, they will shut down and try to look elsewhere. Or if you are asking them questions, but not adding to the conversation, it will seem more like an interrogation.

To experience success, you must experience failure

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington

Success is something we all crave. Failure is something we try to avoid like the plague. But to experience the most success possible, you must also endure many failures along the way.

Success is not about never failing. It’s not about never having a hard time. It’s not about making everything look easy/effortless.

Everyone who has done anything great or meaningful in their lives has had to overcome hardships. But here’s the thing, the people who toil in misery? They have faced those hardships as well, but instead of rising after they have fallen, they stay down. Don’t stay down…get up after you fail. Dust yourself off. Adapt and overcome. Eventually, you will turn your failures into success as well.