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Dealing with rejection

Treat everyone nicely, even when they reject you. You never know when your gracious response may help you in the future.

If you act poorly or inappropriately, people will remember that. It may feel good to “tell them off” in the moment, but it builds ill will towards your future self.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you act kindly and with grace, they may think to help you in the future. They might be rejecting your idea right now because they don’t agree with it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Don’t take rejection personally. Instead, thank them for their time and try to get feedback from them as to why they said no. Now, you can use that feedback to improve your idea (or the communication of your idea) in the present, or gain a better understanding on how to present to that person in the future (what do they value?).

Facing your fears

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Friedrich Nietzsche

This is true for overcoming physical challenges, but also for overcoming mental challenges.

The biggest mental challenge sometimes isn’t even real. It’s the fear of “what might happen” if you do something. A lot of times, it’s that fear that holds us back from achieving our full potential. We fear that we’ll fail, that others will judge us, that we will be rejected or look dumb. Those fears might be realized. Nobody is immune from failing. BUT, what we need to focus on is not the failure itself, but rather that we mustered the courage to take action.

It’s just like Teddy Roosevelt’s “Man in the arena” speech. In it, TR says:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

When you face your fear, you feel like it’s going to kill you at first, but it doesn’t and you are stronger for it.

To be envied or to be admired?

Tough question of the day…Would you rather live a life that is envied or a life that is admired? There are subtle differences, and partly it is in the eyes of the beholder (each of us wants different things and admire different characteristics in others), but it can be drastically different.

Living a life of envy usually means that you’re living the good life. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing amoral with that. And it’s harder than a lot of people think. For this, think of your favorite actor or actress, the biggest celebrity or most popular celebrity you know, or just someone who you view as successful (whatever that means to you). They seem to “have it all.” But, remember, it probably took that person a lot of hard work, dedication, and years of “rising through the ranks” to become the person you see today. And even still, there are responsibilities they may have that we never have to deal with (having crazy fans or paparazzi stalk them, always needing to be on their best behavior or else having anything they do/say that is wrong be publicized, etc). But, for the most part, now that they’ve made it, more doors are open for them and they have more opportunities.

Having a life that is admired can be similar, but much more difficult. Think of someone like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., or any other great leader who has been through many trials and tribulations. Maybe they are standing up for present-day injustices. They are facing a lot of resilience from others and on the receiving end of a lot of hate for what they are doing. This takes courage, resilience, and can be a lonely place to be. Over time, they may be viewed as a great person and someone who should be admired. But often times, they don’t really get to feel that admiration and respect while they’re alive. Often times, it comes posthumously. That being said, their actions can help change the world and better the future of countless lives.

I’m not saying one is better than the other. They are both tough, but the latter requires some serious intestinal fortitude.

So…which would you choose?

Hiring rules

When you’re hiring, look to hire someone who is teachable, has a good work ethic, is trustworthy, and has a good attitude. They need all four of those qualities.

If they have a poor work ethic, the work won’t get done.

If they aren’t smart enough to actually learn (or they aren’t willing to listen/be teachable), the quality of the work will suffer.

If they aren’t trustworthy, you will never be able to fully concentrate on what you need to do, because you’ll constantly be wondering if that person is doing what they’re supposed to do.

And if they have a bad attitude, it will make your workday worse, it will give your company a bad reputation with customers, and it will slowly erode your company culture.

This is why your employees need all four of these characteristics. Don’t necessarily look to hire for someone who already has the specific skill sets you need. As long as you have the time to train them and they possess the four qualities listed above, they will do well and your team will grow.

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

When you’re negotiating, try to work cooperatively with the other side which will often lead to the best “win-win” outcomes. The opposite can be said when trying to negotiate competitively with the other side, where there is usually a winner and a loser. Sure, you may win that time, but who will want to keep working with you if they keep walking away with a sour taste in their mouth?

Having the “power” or perceived ability to get things done if things don’t work out exactly as planned will also help with the negotiation. What this means will change in different situations…sometimes it will mean that you can get what you want done by force or persuasion, other times it will mean that you will work to get the best possible outcome for both parties. Either way, you should be able to follow through with any promises you make and people should feel confident that you’ll do what you say.

Lastly, don’t constantly “blab” or else people will tune you out (almost like Charlie Brown’s teacher). Your words carry less weight the more you talk and your reputation will get dinged every time you don’t follow through with your words.