Author: cbarney.45

Listen to understand

Do not listen with the intent to reply, but with the intent to understand.

Everyone would benefit from having better listening skills. The main part of listening that I think we sometimes forget is that we should be listening to actually understand the other person’s point of view. How are they feeling? What are they trying to convey? Why do they feel that way?

If you are curious, and you’re not afraid to ask questions, you’ll naturally begin to ask them more questions to gain a better understanding of why they’re talking. This takes patience. Sometimes others don’t know why they’re talking. Other times they want to feel important. Try to understand where they’re coming from, and be ok not having “the answer” or saying something profound every time you speak. Instead, keep asking better questions.

If you ask better questions, you’ll get better answers. And not only that, but the other person will feel like you genuinely care (which you should) and that you actually understand them (which a lot of people won’t). You’ll build new relationships quicker and you’ll strengthen your existing relationships.

Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Don’t go on your phone when they’re talking. Look at them in the eyes and give them your full attention. If you do that, they will feel listened to and you might actually learn or retain what they’ve said. Then, if you bring up something they said in the past (in a future conversation), they’ll feel even more heard, which will again strengthen your relationship with them.

Just do it

If you wait to start until you feel like you’re “ready,” you’ll never get started.

You’ll never be 100% ready for what happens next because we can’t predict the future. All you can do is put yourself in the best position to succeed by reading about a subject and asking others who have already accomplished what you want to do. From there, take action. Even if you’re taking baby steps, that’s better than procrastinating and always being in learning mode.

We often confuse learning with productivity. Learning is amazing, but if you don’t do anything with what you’ve learned, it should actually be re-categorized as entertainment. DOING something meaningful is productive. Make sure that you don’t confuse step one (learning) and step two (taking action to stay busy) with productivity.

Delayed gratification

Your first home purchase will not be your dream house. But buying that first home will put you on the path to eventually get your dream house.

We live in a state of instant gratification, where we stretch to the absolute limit to buy what we can “afford.” But if you are smart with your money, and take baby steps along the way, that will enable you to afford your dream home down the road instead of being house poor right now.

The longer you can delay “gratification,” the better off you’ll be.

Personal responsibility

“Doctors won’t make you healthy. Nutritionists won’t make you slim. Teachers won’t make you smart. Gurus won’t make you calm. Mentors won’t make you rich. Trainers won’t make you fit. Ultimately, you have to take responsibility. Save yourself.” – Naval Ravikandt

We are responsible for how our lives turn out. It’s easy to blame someone else when things go wrong. It’s also easy to think that someone else can “save” us from our own problems. But we need to be the hero of our own stories. Someone can help us, they can be our “guide,” but we must choose to be the hero.

Being the hero doesn’t mean that nothing bad will happen to us, but if we keep pushing past the obstacles, we can overcome them. It’s up to you to make a choice every day. Are you going to wait for someone to come and save you? Or will you do what needs to be done to save yourself? If you want to live your best life, you must take ownership of it.

A passage from The E-Myth

I was re-reading my notes the other day when I came across this passage from Michael Gerber’s The E-Myth. Here is what it said:

“What’s also missing is a sense of relationship.

People suffer in isolation from one another.

In a world without purpose, without meaningful values, what have we to share but our emptiness, the needy fragments of our superficial selves?

As a result, most of us scramble about hungrily seeking distraction, in music, in television, in people, in drugs.

And most of all we seek things.

…We’ve fast become a world of things. And most people are being buried in the profusion.

What most people need, then, is a place of community that has purpose, order, and meaning.”

This got me thinking about where we are as a society today. Michael Gerber wrote this a long time ago, but it seems even more true now. We are in forced isolation with the coronavirus, we order food (whether it’s through grocery delivery or ordering meals) and material possessions (via Amazon) and they show up at our doorstep. There are more enticing shows on inexpensive streaming options. We can work from home. Our relationships and our ability to feel connected with our community is slowly weakening.

What I’m nervous to see is how we are affected long-term if we stay down this path. Yes, things are easier and more convenient than ever, but are we willing to trade convenience for things like relationships and community? We are already very self-absorbed. Will this lead us down a path to care even more about ourselves and less for others?