Everyone is wired to be fearful. It is how you respond to that fear that determines your likelihood of success. Sometimes it’s best to act/be the aggressor, while other times it’s best to sit back and let the storm pass. But regardless of what is the best course of action, the number one thing to remember is to not panic. Control your emotions, logically decide what should be done, then go do it.
Author: cbarney.45
Be judicious with your words
You can always say something that you haven’t said. But you can never undo or unsay something that you have already said.
Be careful with your words. Be thoughtful, kind, and uplifting. It may feel good to say what’s on your mind, but it could be potentially damaging to your long-term relationships. Learn to bite your tongue and tactfully say what you need to say, when you need to say it.
This is not to say you can’t thoughtfully critique anyone (especially those you care for). If you don’t speak up, how can they make a change? But don’t say something in the heat of the moment, or else you may regret how it comes out – and what is said cannot be unsaid.
The importance of being in a position of financial strength
Always aim to set yourself up to not have debt so that you minimize your risk of making stupid financial decisions. When you’re desperate, you feel you have to take drastic actions. Most of the time, those drastic actions are long shots to actually pay off (a most like playing the lottery). You get blinded by “the opportunity” and gamble with your money, hoping for the big payoff. But in reality, you would be far better served making small, rapid improvements with your money habits.
So how do you set yourself up for success? First, go back and look and your bank statements for the past 3 months. Print them out. Figure out where you’re spending your money…you’ll have necessary expenses (housing, food, transportation, insurance, etc) and unnecessary expenses (“fun money”). What can you cut out to bring your spending down and your savings rate up? And out of your necessary expenses, what is really necessary? Yes you need a place to live, but are you living in a place that is making you house poor? Did you purchase a car with expensive payments? Are you going out to eat every night instead of making a healthy (and cheap) dinner at home? When you complete this exercise, you’ll see just how much extra you’re draining from your bank account. From there, it’s up to you to make a change.
Praise the effort
We tend to simplify things in our heads, wanting to take whatever is the easiest route. We do this in many things, including looking at results. But what should be focused on instead is the effort the individual is giving to get the results.
There are two problems when only focusing on the end result…
First, if we only focus on the end result, maybe we aren’t challenging ourselves enough. For example, I should almost always win when facing an elementary student in basketball – and I’m not even good at basketball. But when you lower your standards just so you can win, it defeats the purpose of playing the game. At that point, why measure anything at all?
Second, when we focus on results only, we remove the element of luck from our environment. Annie Duke talks about this in her book Thinking in Bets. I can play a hand of poker perfectly according to the probability of what gives me the best chance at success and still lose the hand. Or, vice versa, I can play a hand incorrectly and still win. But if we’re only looking at the result, that may alter our way of thinking and cause us to play according to our emotions instead of what is mathematically the most likely way to win. It’s important to remember that we can only control our actions, not the actions of others, our environment, or “luck.”
So instead of focusing on results, the real question should be: “What did you do to maximize your potential?” It’s ok to ask our children if they won the game, got an A on the test, etc., but make sure we don’t praise the result. We need to focus all of our attention/praise on their efforts. What work did they put in to achieve those results? Did they try their best? (And remember, more is not always better. So if they were “studying” all night before a test and didn’t do well, maybe it would be better to have a shorter timeframe to study intensely and then get a good night of sleep.)
You don’t always have to be right.
You don’t always have to be right. This is important to remember because not only will you be wrong (a lot), but always needing to be right is very off putting.
Let the little things go. Choose which hill you want to die on, which battle you want to fight…this is something I’ve been bad at doing. I use “facts” and “evidence” to support my position. But winning each little battle (argument, debate, etc.) is less important than winning the war (maintaining/improving your overall relationship with that person/people). Not only that, but when you only speak up for the things that truly matter to you, those things will be more likely to be heard and changed, as opposed to nitpicking every little thing, which will eventually fall on deaf ears.
The need to always be right is a short-sighted way of thinking about things. Instead, bite your tongue about trivial matters. When you feel strongly/passionately about something, that’s when you speak up. But not before then…