If you can’t tell someone “no,” they aren’t the only ones with boundary problems – you have them too. If you are afraid of telling someone no or telling them what they don’t want to hear, is it because of their past reactions or because of what you’ve experienced life? It’s important to understand why you’re feeling this tension. You need to be able to set clear boundaries with everyone, otherwise you can be taken advantaged of by anyone.
Have you ever done something because someone “made” you feel guilty? First of all, nobody can make you feel anything. Don’t put that on the other person – that’s a you issue. But secondly, have you ever talked with that person before, explaining that you’re sorry they feel that way, but you’re still sticking with your decision? If you flip flop and cave in whenever you feel guilty, they’re more likely to try to manipulate you into doing more things for them by guilting you in the future.
Have you ever seen someone lash out in rage, like a toddler throwing a tantrum, when you told them something that they didn’t like? That’s unhealthy behavior and needs to be addressed. If they can’t respectfully disagree with you, or if they can’t be civil, you need to leave. Don’t stay in an unhealthy, abusive relationship. You have other options. They are better options. Even if it brings more uncertainty for a period of your life, it is best to pack up and leave before you feel even more trapped.
Have you ever felt anger towards someone else for doing something that you didn’t like? Was it actually crossing the line (like infidelity) or was it just not congruent with what you wanted? Are you only thinking of how their action does/doesn’t benefit you? Realize that this is their life, and they need to do what is best for them. Whether you agree with their decision or not is different story. But just like in the last paragraph, you need to be able to respectfully disagree. Put yourself in their shoes and treat them how you would want to be treated. You can dislike the decision, but still like the person.
In the end, we are all human. We all make mistakes. But no matter what mistakes you make when setting boundaries, always treat the other person with compassion. Whether you’re the one setting boundaries or they are, respect that setting boundaries can be difficult, and respect their wishes. Just like someone can’t make you do anything or feel a certain way, don’t try to make others do something that they clearly don’t want to do.