leadership | The Caleb Barney Collection

Mastery and challenge

What brings us happiness? A balance of mastery and challenge. This is a paradox as a life with only mastery and no challenge would be boring. Imagine playing a 3 year old in a game of checkers. You would always win and there would be no challenge. But a life with only challenges and no mastery would be equally, if not more, dreadful. It would be like constantly getting sand kicked in your face. And just when you’re about to get up again, someone shoves you down. A life of only challenges yet no mastery is not a life of happiness.

We need a balance between the two. With mastery brings a sense of accomplishment and of overcoming difficulties that not everyone is willing to attempt. But if you only stay within your comfort zone, in the domain which you have mastered, you will soon find yourself bored. And a bored mind is not optimized for maximum happiness. Instead, you need another challenge, something to take you out of your comfort zone, but a challenge that is still possible to overcome. And then the cycle continues, as anything that challenges you is inherently something you have not mastered yet.

Influence vs. control

You can influence others, but you can’t control them. Others can influence you, but they can’t control you. You get to decide what you do or don’t do. Don’t blame someone else for “making” you do something or feel some way. They may have influence over you, but only you get to determine if they control you or not.

Let’s take that a step further and apply it to life circumstances. We don’t get to control what happens in our environment. We can influence it to an extent and it can influence us but we don’t control it and it doesn’t control us.

Don’t blame the economy, the government, the president, your boss, or anyone else for something that isn’t right in your life. They’re only a small part of the problem. The bigger part of the problem is your attitude and your actions.

The good news is that if you’re the majority of the problem, you’re also the majority of the solution. Work on fixing yourself and your life will get better. No matter the circumstances, you can always try to improve your situation by improving your attitude, being prepared, working hard, and being kind to others. If you do this everyday, you’ll soon find out that outside circumstances eventually have less and less influence (and absolutely no control) on your life.

Take a shot, take a chance

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky

This quote isn’t just about hockey, or basketball, or any other sport for that matter This quote is a metaphor for life. If you want something more for yourself or your family, you have to take a shot at it. You might miss. It might be embarrassing. But if you don’t take the shot, and you “play it safe,” eventually you’ll realize that playing it safe wasn’t so safe after all.

Courage

Should courage be the foundation of everyone’s core values? I believe justice, integrity, generosity, and perseverance are also very important values to have, but without the courage to act on what we need to do, will any of those virtues be followed in times of trouble?

We need to be courageous to face uncomfortable situations. Without courage, we are more likely to default to whatever is easiest. Sometimes, to be courageous will require us to confront others, whether they are our peers, someone in a position of authority, or maybe someone you are supposed to be leading. Hopefully we don’t need to confront others often, but it will be necessary at some point in life, regardless of who you are.

Are we standing up for what we believe in, even if it means that we may suffer for doing so? Without courage, we won’t speak up when we see injustice. Without courage, we won’t do what we know is right just because there are roadblocks (like other people). Without courage, maybe we will be less likely to give because we fear we won’t have enough. Without courage, we will give up at the first sign of struggle.

Practice being courageous. It will take time and we will mess up many times along the way. But if we give ourselves some grace, and keep trying to do what is right no matter the consequences, eventually being courageous will become easier for us. Then, not only will we be able to sleep better at night knowing we stood up for what we believe, but we will also gain the respect/admiration of others.

Simplifying complex issues

Most people make simple problems and solutions very complex. Anybody can do that. Experts make the complex problems and solutions simple. They can clearly and concisely explain things in layman‘s terms and don’t have to use fancy words or industry jargon to try to prove their intelligence.

Work on listening more and speaking less. When you speak, do it clearly, concisely, and with confidence. Simplify your answer as much as is required – no more, no less.