leadership | The Caleb Barney Collection

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

When you’re negotiating, try to work cooperatively with the other side which will often lead to the best “win-win” outcomes. The opposite can be said when trying to negotiate competitively with the other side, where there is usually a winner and a loser. Sure, you may win that time, but who will want to keep working with you if they keep walking away with a sour taste in their mouth?

Having the “power” or perceived ability to get things done if things don’t work out exactly as planned will also help with the negotiation. What this means will change in different situations…sometimes it will mean that you can get what you want done by force or persuasion, other times it will mean that you will work to get the best possible outcome for both parties. Either way, you should be able to follow through with any promises you make and people should feel confident that you’ll do what you say.

Lastly, don’t constantly “blab” or else people will tune you out (almost like Charlie Brown’s teacher). Your words carry less weight the more you talk and your reputation will get dinged every time you don’t follow through with your words.

Receiving feedback

Hearing feedback can be really tough. Oftentimes, it can take us by surprise and we get defensive about it. But we need feedback to grow. Usually, there is at least a kernel of truth in what the other person is telling us. Instead of automatically justifying why you did/said what you did, just listen. Refrain from responding until the person is done talking. But don’t do one of those, “mhmm…ok…” almost like a “hurry-up and get it over with” verbal prodding. Stay open (watch out for negative body language). Then, after the sting of hearing what you need to hear, repeat back to them (or rephrase what you heard). If you and that person are on the same page, that’s probably a good thing. Finally, take their feedback and use it to make you a better person. Even if you don’t fully agree with what they’ve said, try to make small tweaks or improvements. None of us are perfect, so we at least know that we can slightly improve.

Brene Brown’s 3 key phrases to remember when receiving feedback…

⁃ “I’m brave enough to listen.”

⁃ “There’s something valuable here. Take what works and leave the rest.”

⁃ “Feedback is the path to mastery.”

On growing (and maintaining) relationships

You can avoid growing apart by focusing on growing together. This goes for any relationship – with your spouse, your kids, your parents, siblings, or friends. If you don’t do things with them, you will eventually lose touch. If you don’t keep in contact with them and reach out occasionally, you will be an afterthought to their current life. It’s not because you or the other person don’t like each other anymore, but growing and keeping a relationship strong takes work. If you don’t work at it, it will weaken over time.

Random thoughts on leading, managing, business, and goals

One difference between great leaders and great managers is the ability to innovate. Being creative, progressive, and moving forward with new ideas is important for visionary leaders. But keeping the boat from rocking too much and making sure to implement the visionary’s ideas intelligently are key to great management. You need both to be successful…ideas are great, but if they are scattered all over the place and not aligned with the stated future overarching goal(s), and if they are changed before really being given time to succeed, the business will flounder.

Start out with a couple of great goals. Know why you want to achieve those things. Then figure out what milestones you need to hit along the way and what processes you need to develop/follow to make those milestones happen. After you achieve them (or when you’re 90%+ done), start thinking of adding new goals, techniques, and strategies that are natural extensions of your current goals. Don’t do a 180 degree turn and pivot to something completely unrelated where you have limited-to-no experience.

On care

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

You can be very knowledgeable and “have the answers” that others are looking for, but until they know how much you care – how passionate you are about that topic, how interested you are in their well-being, how much you understand what it means to them – that’s when you win them over.

Just like in most things in life, it’s not about you. People’s first thoughts tend to default to thoughts about themselves. You can say it’s selfish, but it’s true. That’s why people tell you to be interested in others, to listen twice as much as you talk, to ask questions about them, to use the other person’s name in conversation…they want to know (or at least think) you care about them. If they believe that, you will earn their trust and then they will be more receptive to your “knowledge.”