Category: mindset

Playing the victim card vs taking control of your life

Don’t play the victim card. It may be true that you have been victimized. But until recent times, not many people cared and even less people offered to help.

It’s up to you to make your life better – not your family, not your friends, and not the government. If, by some chance, you are fortunate enough to have somebody care and help you out, that’s icing on the cake. But don’t expect that to happen. Nobody owes you anything, especially if they are not the ones who directly harmed you.

If you feel bad about something that has happened, that’s ok. I’m not saying you should be a robot. But I am saying that what’s done is done and you need to move on. Wasting time, energy, and thought on feeling bad for yourself isn’t going to help you moving forward. How can you make your life better starting today?

Embracing your fear to make you better and live with less anxiety

Embrace your fear. Everybody fears something. Don’t be ashamed of it and don’t recoil from it. If you fear making mistakes and you don’t embrace it, you will do everything in your power to not make a mistake. Eventually that will lead you to stop taking any chances at all just so you don’t look bad…

But the thing is, it’s all in your head. Most people won’t judge you for making mistake. And if they do, it’s pretty hypocritical. Everyone makes mistakes. The best learn from their mistakes and from the mistakes they’ve observed others make. They not only learn from that isolated incident, but they also can apply their new found knowledge in other areas of life. They figure out where the carryover is and become better predictors for future events. Then they test the hypothesis and keep pushing.

The more you push your limits, the more you grow. But if you don’t want to push your limits and always want to stay within your comfort zone, you might grow slowly, or you might not grow at all. And in a worst-case scenario, you’ll actually end up getting worse.

Embrace your fears. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to look weak, to look dumb… If you don’t understand something, ask a question. If you think you can lift the weight, but you aren’t sure, try it anyways. Ask for a spotter. People like to help if you let them.

What is your definition of success?

Everyone has their own definition of success. Even if they don’t have it written down (most don’t, including myself) or it’s not the same definition every time they think of it, when they hear the word success or successful, they have an idea of what it looks like to them at that moment. And it’s different for everyone because we all have different goals in life. For example, if somebody doesn’t want to have children, being a great mother or father would not be a picture of success for them. Some people don’t want to work long hours (or any hours for that matter), so working their way up the corporate ladder would not be there idea of success. Nobody is right or wrong in the situation, it just depends on how you define success.

My current “definition” is that to be truly successful, you need to be able to succeed in many different types of environments. I want to accomplish great things like spending quality time with my family and friends, working towards good physical, mental, and financial health, building a career I can be proud of, taking time for hobbies and games that excite me, etc. I don’t want to be so lopsided that my success in one aspect of life gets in the way of my success in any of the other areas. I want to be complete, well-rounded, and above average in everything I do. Naturally, I will fall short in some areas at some time periods of my life, but if I can get up every time I fall down and keep going, I’ll be satisfied.

What is your definition of success?

Are you justifying your fears?

Stop justifying your fears just so you can stay in your comfort zone. If you do so, you are deliberately holding yourself back, even if it is subconsciously. You give yourself an excuse or you say things like, “well I didn’t really want that anyways,” or, “I have to give up too much to get that,” just to make yourself feel better about not getting what you really want.

In reality, all of the best things in life take work to get. Sometimes, it takes a lot of work. Because if it was easy, everyone would do it.

If you’re OK with taking it easy and not living life to the fullest, that’s OK too. That’s part of the trade-off. But at least be honest with yourself… It’s not because you didn’t really want it, it’s because you didn’t want to have to do what it takes to get it.

Getting started

You don’t have to know it all to get started, you just need to know what the next step is. If you wait until you have all of the information or until you know exactly how things will play out, you will be waiting forever. There is risk and uncertainty in everything we do in life. There is even risk and not taking action.

Determine where you are currently and where you think you want to be in the future. Once you have an end result in mind, then reverse engineer the next steps to get there. You don’t have to have everything planned out to a “T” to get started. Have a general guideline or a framework on how do you think it should look and what you need to do to get started. I guarantee that how do you think it looks and how it will eventually end up working is going to be at least a little different. But if you don’t do anything, if you wait for all the answers to come to you, if you wait for certainty, you’re going to miss your opportunity.