Category: mindset

The answer isn’t having more information, it’s acting on the information we “know to be true”

It doesn’t matter how much information you acquire if you don’t use it. “We would all be rockstar millionaires with six-pack abs” if information was the answer to all of our problems (paraphrased from Derek Sievers).

We all kind of know what we should be doing financially, physically, mentally, etc, but what are we doing with that information? How are we putting it into practice? Many of us know we should save and invest, but instead we indulge. We know we should eat clean, drink plenty of water, and exercise daily, but instead we eat too much fried food, drink too much alcohol, and skip our workouts. We know we should continue to read and expand our mind, but instead we waste time on social media or binge watching tv.

We all have an idea of what we should be doing. More information isn’t the answer – acting on the information we know to be true is.

Controlling your responses to negative stressors

Everyone feels the same emotions…fear, insecurity, heartache, hunger, tiredness, anger, joy. What separates our role models and heroes from those who we do not look up to is how they respond to those emotions.

If you want to be the best version of yourself, take a look in the mirror. How do you respond under stress? Do you take out your frustrations on others or treat them poorly? Would you want your kids to act like you do when you’re stressed?

If you want to be more like your role model(s) or to become a role model, the first step is to be aware of how you’ve seen others react under stress. Are there people you would like to emulate?

After you’ve seen the responses of others and determined which actions you deem commendable, the next step is to be aware of how you currently react under stress. What behaviors, actions, or words do you say/do that you’re proud of and what do you want to stop doing?

After taking note of what you already do, start monitoring how you’re doing from this point forward. Be strict, but forgiving with yourself. You want to start taking the right actions right now. But if/when you mess up, own your mistakes/actions, apologize if necessary, and move forward.

Cut yourself some slack, especially in the beginning, because it takes a while to form a new habit (of responding appropriately to any/every situation). But remember, if we want to be the best version of ourselves, if we want to be a role model to our kids, if we want to make others around us feel better about themselves, and if we want the world to be a nicer place, it all starts with us. We can’t control what other people think, say, or do, but we can control ourselves. It just takes practice.

Giving out of love versus giving out of expectation

Don’t be a fake giver (giving only because you’re expecting to get something in return). You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you’re keeping score for a game which the other person doesn’t know you’re playing.

If you think to yourself, “I did a, b, and c for this person, so they should give me x, y, or z when I ask in the future,” you’re asking for disappointment. Hopefully that person help you out in whatever way they can because you’re a good friend and they’re a good friend, but expecting reciprocity (especially when you do something for them now, but want them to remember your actions far in the future) is going to lead to frustration from both people.

Be caring. Be nice. Find ways to help. But if you can’t do something, or if it stretches you too thin, don’t feel obligated to do so. It’s ok to say no – and you don’t have to give them a reason why either. If you want to explain to someone why you can’t do something for them, at least they’ll have a better understanding of why you can’t. But they’re not entitled to know (just like you’re not entitled to knowing why they might say no to you in the future).

Give without keeping score. It will save you frustration in the long run because the other person doesn’t know they’re part of an unspoken transaction (which only took place in your mind).

Increasing your capacity

Work on increasing your different types of capacities…

⁃ Physical: Build a strong, healthy body so that you have the energy and strength to tackle projects and obstacles

⁃ Mental: Build a strong mind by reading books/articles, listening to books/podcasts, attending seminars, and surrounding yourself with others who are smarter/have more experience than you. Prepare your mind to become great at problem solving. Make sure you always remain teachable.

⁃ Emotional: Get used to “failing” and being told “no.” Learn from those mistakes to get better. Strengthen your resolve and do not be discouraged when things don’t go your way.

⁃ Time: Everyone has 24 hours in a day. Automate tasks which need to be done, eliminate tasks which don’t, and delegate tasks which cannot be automated, but aren’t the best/most productive use of your time. If you try to do everything, you will always be stuck doing everything. Learn to delegate tasks that are not necessary for you to do. These can be things that you’re good at, but don’t enjoy doing OR things that you’re not good at and don’t enjoy doing. Teach/train others how to do those tasks well and they will be an extension of yourself! Then when they outgrow that task/position, have them teach/train others to become extensions of themselves! The growth compounds exponentially AND it frees up your time to focus on more impactful activities that only you can do.

The bare minimum

When working a W-2 job as an employee, don’t expect a raise just because you show up to work on time, you don’t take sick days, and you‘be been there for a long time. Showing up to work on time and not missing extra days is the bare minimum of what you should be doing. That’s part of the job! But just showing up doesn’t necessarily mean you’re providing value to your employer. You still have to perform, and that’s what your raise should be for (if you get one). It should be based on merit – how are you “deserving” of a raise? (By the way, I despise the word “deserve”…we are becoming very entitled and often feel we “deserve” things when we really are owed nothing.)

There are a lot of downsides with being an employee, one of which is that someone else gets to determine what you make (whether that’s hourly or salary). But that employer has taken the risk of being an entrepreneur. They are responsible for keeping the business afloat, for always striving to find more customers so that they can pay their employees. If you haven’t put in the legwork and only see the end result of what you think the employer is making, it can seem wrong with how much they’re making with how “little” work they’re currently doing. But that’s the wrong mindset to have. And if you want to do something about it, you have three options: negotiate for higher pay, find another job, or start your own business.