People are emotional, not rational. Appeal to their emotions first and then help to rationalize their decision. If you can get them to articulate how they feel about something, if you can get them to self actualize or self realize it, the idea will stick. If you tell them how to feel, they will know that the idea did not come from themselves and they will be more likely to dismiss it down the road. It’s just like the movie Inception – they have to feel like the idea originated from themselves.
Category: mindset
How to lose
Don’t let your competitive side get the best of you. It’s fun to win. It sucks to lose. But keep things in perspective. Unless your livelihood or your family’s livelihood depends on you winning this game/earning the contract (whether in sports or in business), it’s probably not worth losing your cool over.
Don’t flip the monopoly board, throw the controller, or punch a wall because you lost. Everyone loses something in life. That’s just how life works. If you’re not losing in something then you aren’t pushing yourself to play against the proper competition.
When you lose, lose with dignity. You’ll maintain respect. If you lose and act like a child? People will lose respect for you.
Empathy as a starting point for negotiation
Listening shows empathy. When people feel listened to and understood, they are more likely to work with you. You can work in tandem towards a common goal (or at least a compromise) much easier if you start out by showing that you are listening to them.
When you truly listen to somebody and they can feel you are listening to them, it’s a sign of respect. That’s why you have to start out with empathy and active listening to obtain the best results in any negotiation or sales process. It’s important to use both empathy and active listening throughout any conversation, but especially at the start, because first impressions really do count for something. Don’t dig yourself into a hole before you really get started by disrespecting the other person/party.
You have to understand what it is that the other side wants. What is the issue they want solved in order to provide the best response. What is their pain point and how we can alleviate their pain?
If you go in with the same sales pitch every single time, it may work in certain situations, but your solution may be completely wrong for them in other situations. Listen, dig deeper, and empathize with what they are feeling to show respect and to get further in negotiations.
Go into every negotiation or sales pitch with one thing in mind: How can we make this a win-win situation so both sides leave happy, nobody leaves holding a grudge over the other side, and you don’t hurt yourself in future business with that person or their friends?
Love, respect, and forgiveness
Remember to treat yourself and others with love, respect, and forgiveness every single day.
When you start with love, you will always want the best for yourself and for others. You’ll try to help them as much as you can. But help doesn’t mean giving them handouts and spoon feeding them. There needs to be a healthy balance between short-term help and long-term help. Always “helping” someone get what they want, for example, may not be helping them in the long run. Making sure nobody ever feels struggle is not helping them. It’s weakening them, giving them less ability to overcome adversity, and giving them less resolve. The best help is by teaching them how to get what they want, not having you go out and getting them whatever they want.
Next, you need to treat yourself and others with respect. The moment you start disrespecting others is the moment that you begin to lose credibility for yourself. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Don’t talk down to others, don’t berate them, but also don’t treat them with pity. If you see someone who needs your help, try to walk alongside them. You may think that the other person can’t do anything for you, but you never know how your actions can affect them, where they’ll end up, or what connections they might have as well. Don’t forget you must also respect yourself. That means setting boundaries with people or saying no sometimes. You need to respect yourself enough to not let yourself be walked all over by others.
Lastly, you need to practice forgiveness with yourself and others. You don’t have to forget how you made a mistake or how others might have wronged you. But you should forgive them. Everyone makes mistakes, yourself included. Try to learn from them and move on. Make sure you don’t hold grudges or else you will live a long, miserable life.
Letting our experiences shape our perceptions
Perception is interesting. What one person perceives as good event can be perceived by another person as bad. One person could ask you an innocent question, such as, “why are you doing that?” And they’re genuinely curious because they haven’t seen someone do what you’re doing before, or at least haven’t seen it done in that way. If you perceive this the wrong way, you may automatically get defensive – thinking that they are judging you. But, in reality, they are just curious.
I feel that we assume we know what another person is thinking, or what their intentions were when they did something, way too often. We think too deeply about their words or actions, when it would be better if we just dig deeper and asked them more questions so that we could gain a better understanding of what they’re really trying to ask/accomplish.
Our perceptions are based on our mindset and our previous life experiences. Sometimes there is a deeper meaning to why something was said/done, but other times, the person/animal was just making conversation or acting on instincts. For example, I was listening to a podcast the other day when the host talked about hearing a dog bark. For him, that triggers the fight or flight response. He was bitten by dogs three times as a kid, so hearing a dog bark equates to danger in his mind. But for someone like me, growing up with dogs and always having good experiences with them, I may feel happiness when I hear a dog bark. Ultimately though, the dog is just barking. We don’t know if it is a good or bad thing (and depending on who is looking at it/hearing it, it could be both). The barking is what it is. The dogs may see a squirrel. It may be playing with other dogs. Or, it could be protecting a bone, its home, or its owner.
It’s only natural to be shaped by our experiences and to project what we think something means when we encounter others. But, we should be careful to assume we know the meaning or the reasoning behind someone’s words/actions. Don’t get defensive if someone asks you a question. Instead, dig deeper to see what they’re truly asking (if there is a deeper meaning).