mindset | The Caleb Barney Collection

Conversation – A Work In Progress

I’m introverted and generally very goal-oriented. I enjoy working hard and always staying busy. And with that, I feel that my conversational skills are often lacking. I am not big on small talk. I usually feel like I want to move onto the next thing on my checklist and that stopping to make casual conversation is unproductive. But it’s those conversations about “nothing” that help to build relationships and establish feelings of trust. It’s actually very productive (indirectly) if you can take the time to connect with others, as long as you’re still leaving time to complete other tasks (you can’t sit around and gossip all day). This has been one of my biggest social flaws ad is something I’m working to improve…

The key to improving in anything in life is first to be aware that you are deficient in an area. I’ve done that here. With conversational skills being the deficiency, I delve a little deeper into what I think makes up a good/great conversationalist. Basically, there are three parts to being a great conversationalist.

1. Asking the right questions

The first part is knowing what questions to ask. If you don’t know a person, their interests, etc., sometimes it can be difficult to strike up a conversation. But if you have a general understanding of how to start conversations (asking open-ended questions, usually about the person or a topic that the person has an opinion on) and you also have a vast knowledge of current events or miscellaneous information, this is a helpful start.

2. Be curious

After knowing what questions to ask, you have to actually ask those questions and be interested in the person’s response. You need to listen to what they’re saying and respond accordingly. If you’re interested and curious in what they are saying, this will naturally lead to more questions on your part. Give verbal or physical cues showing your interest. Don’t be over dramatic on this and don’t be fake about it, but if you’re actually interested in what they’re saying, encourage them to talk more.

3. Contribute to the conversation

The third part to be in a great conversationalist is to have interesting things to say and to be willing to share stories with others. If you have great stories to tell, but you are only giving people one word answers and not making it appear as if you’re open to have a conversation, they will shut down and try to look elsewhere. Or if you are asking them questions, but not adding to the conversation, it will seem more like an interrogation.

To experience success, you must experience failure

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington

Success is something we all crave. Failure is something we try to avoid like the plague. But to experience the most success possible, you must also endure many failures along the way.

Success is not about never failing. It’s not about never having a hard time. It’s not about making everything look easy/effortless.

Everyone who has done anything great or meaningful in their lives has had to overcome hardships. But here’s the thing, the people who toil in misery? They have faced those hardships as well, but instead of rising after they have fallen, they stay down. Don’t stay down…get up after you fail. Dust yourself off. Adapt and overcome. Eventually, you will turn your failures into success as well.

The key to excellence, greatness, and success

“Consistent, hard work gains success.” – Dwayne Johnson

There is a quote attributed to Aristotle that says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.”

Excellence, success, greatness…these are things to strive for, but you don’t achieve any of them with a single action. They come with consistent action towards your goals. Set goals, review them daily, and decide what are the most important actions you need to take today to bring you a little (or a lot) closer to your goals. What habits do you need to have in place?

A lot of us (myself included) get caught up with wanting to learn more. Learning is great. Gaining more knowledge is great. But it won’t get you anywhere near success if you don’t apply that knowledge and turn it into action. Don’t confuse reading with taking action towards your goals…yes, it could give you a good foundation. It can help you avoid making the same mistakes that others have made, but often we lie to ourselves saying that we are preparing to take action, when really we’re procrastinating.

Take consistent action everyday. Live purposely. Act intentionally. Success, excellence, and greatness will come if you are consistent with your actions, but if you’re not, you’ll miss the opportunity when it’s here.

Using the fulfillment triangle when deciding on your career

When you’re at a crossroads and looking to find a new career, take into consideration Ken Coleman’s fulfillment triangle. He describes this as a place where your passion meets your talent and opportunity.

What do you love doing? What are you interested in? What do you find yourself constantly researching or talking about with your friends? Looking at these things can help you figure out what you’re truly passionate about.

What are you good at doing? Has anybody told you that you are a natural at completing a particular kind of task? What do you feel like comes easily to you? When you do things that you are good at, you are usually in a flow state. This is your talent and ability. (By the way, you don’t need to have the ability to do something right now, but if you are capable, that will suffice.)

Who do you know that might be able to introduce you to whatever it is you like and are good at doing? If you’re unsure about this, put the question out on social media. Go on Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and clearly lay out what it is you’re interested in doing. You never know who might have a connection and get you an “in” with a company. This is your opportunity.

Fulfillment triangle from Ken Coleman on the Dave Ramsey Team.

Welcoming disagreements

“One of the most difficult lessons many leaders learn (or fail to learn) is the necessity to welcome and tolerate disagreement.”

There are two ends of the agreement spectrum that we should try to avoid…

The first is to be 💯% agreeable on everything, aka a “yes man.” This is conflict avoidance at its worst.

The other end of the spectrum is to always shut others’ ideas down right away because they don’t align with your thoughts. Nobody can tell you anything if it doesn’t support your opinion. This is someone who craves confrontation and seeks it out.

I’m working on improving in this area (on both ends of the spectrum) – trying to learn the best ways to tactfully disagree. You should have original thoughts and feel comfortable voicing your opinion. But there are things that matter more and things that matter less which should/shouldn’t be argued about or debated. You don’t have to “win” every argument, and by always “needing” to be right, you will eventually discourage others from voicing their opinions around you.