mindset | The Caleb Barney Collection

Goals, a vivid vision, and living proactively

Focus on living proactively instead of reactively.

What are you doing today to set your future self up for success? Are you going into each day by looking at what you need to get done for the day? Prioritize what has to get done for the day in order to hit your weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly goals.

If you’re not planning each day intentionally, you end up reacting to the day’s events. You’re very busy, but you’re not very productive. You feel like a chicken running around with its head chopped off or like you’re running around, putting out fires all day. You end the day exhausted, but not feeling like you moved the needle towards your long-term goals.

Set time aside to figure out what you want your life to look like next year, in three years from now, and in ten years from now. Do you have a vision of how great your life will be?

You need to have direction in your life. How can you get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going? Have a roadmap with your destination showing and the route planned out (hitting milestones along the way).

What does it mean to be successful?

Who is the first person you think of when you hear the word “successful?” I guess it should be based on what you definition of success is. Does it mean they are a prominent businessman/woman? That they make a lot of money? That they’re famous? Or they seem to have it all?

But take a deeper look – not at the person who you think is successful. We’re not here to pick apart their lives/imperfections. Instead, take a deeper look as to what success means to you and why you define it that way. Oftentimes we are only looking at one of life’s domains (usually our vocation or financial success) and are blind to the other domains (do we have deep/meaningful relationships, how is our family life, are we physically healthy, intellectually healthy, or spiritually healthy?)…

Don’t think that because someone is famous that they are successful. Success, at least to me, should be defined by the whole package. Who cares if you’re making $200,000+ per year if you’re in poor health, if you have a broken marriage, if you never get to see/truly know your kids, if you’ve lost/damaged friendships, or if you’re morally corrupt.

Success is winning in every area of life. Success is being happy with what you have, but still striving to do better (for yourself and others). Success is focusing on the process, not the result – on enjoying the journey, and not only worrying about getting to the destination. Everyone has their own definition of success. We all value certain aspects of life differently (and our priorities will change), so don’t judge others for trying to achieve success in their own way. Just focus on creating your best, most successful life and let them do the same.

Dealing with rejection

Treat everyone nicely, even when they reject you. You never know when your gracious response may help you in the future.

If you act poorly or inappropriately, people will remember that. It may feel good to “tell them off” in the moment, but it builds ill will towards your future self.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you act kindly and with grace, they may think to help you in the future. They might be rejecting your idea right now because they don’t agree with it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Don’t take rejection personally. Instead, thank them for their time and try to get feedback from them as to why they said no. Now, you can use that feedback to improve your idea (or the communication of your idea) in the present, or gain a better understanding on how to present to that person in the future (what do they value?).

Facing your fears

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Friedrich Nietzsche

This is true for overcoming physical challenges, but also for overcoming mental challenges.

The biggest mental challenge sometimes isn’t even real. It’s the fear of “what might happen” if you do something. A lot of times, it’s that fear that holds us back from achieving our full potential. We fear that we’ll fail, that others will judge us, that we will be rejected or look dumb. Those fears might be realized. Nobody is immune from failing. BUT, what we need to focus on is not the failure itself, but rather that we mustered the courage to take action.

It’s just like Teddy Roosevelt’s “Man in the arena” speech. In it, TR says:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

When you face your fear, you feel like it’s going to kill you at first, but it doesn’t and you are stronger for it.

To be envied or to be admired?

Tough question of the day…Would you rather live a life that is envied or a life that is admired? There are subtle differences, and partly it is in the eyes of the beholder (each of us wants different things and admire different characteristics in others), but it can be drastically different.

Living a life of envy usually means that you’re living the good life. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing amoral with that. And it’s harder than a lot of people think. For this, think of your favorite actor or actress, the biggest celebrity or most popular celebrity you know, or just someone who you view as successful (whatever that means to you). They seem to “have it all.” But, remember, it probably took that person a lot of hard work, dedication, and years of “rising through the ranks” to become the person you see today. And even still, there are responsibilities they may have that we never have to deal with (having crazy fans or paparazzi stalk them, always needing to be on their best behavior or else having anything they do/say that is wrong be publicized, etc). But, for the most part, now that they’ve made it, more doors are open for them and they have more opportunities.

Having a life that is admired can be similar, but much more difficult. Think of someone like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., or any other great leader who has been through many trials and tribulations. Maybe they are standing up for present-day injustices. They are facing a lot of resilience from others and on the receiving end of a lot of hate for what they are doing. This takes courage, resilience, and can be a lonely place to be. Over time, they may be viewed as a great person and someone who should be admired. But often times, they don’t really get to feel that admiration and respect while they’re alive. Often times, it comes posthumously. That being said, their actions can help change the world and better the future of countless lives.

I’m not saying one is better than the other. They are both tough, but the latter requires some serious intestinal fortitude.

So…which would you choose?