parenting | The Caleb Barney Collection

Getting out of your comfort zone

Most of the best things in life happen at the edges of your comfort zone. If you only want to feel comfort, you’ll be less likely to branch out/try new things, to overcome adversity, learn new skill sets, etc.

The higher degree of difficulty, the less comfortable most people are with trying to tackle that problem. If you’re willing (and able) to solve that problem, and if you can find a way to solve the problem for others too, you often are compensated (monetarily) for it. Most people want to stay in their comfort zones and are willing to trade money for comfort (paying someone else to solve their problems). There’s nothing wrong with this. We all do it, and depending on the stage of life we’re in, it may be a smarter financial decision to pay an expert/specialist to do something more efficiently so you’re not wasting your non-renewable resource (time) on something you don’t know how to do well and will end up with a worse finished product than if the expert did it in the first place.

Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.

Facing adversity to minimize entitlement

The sooner you can allow your children to experience adversity, the better off they will be. Ideally, they should face small problems/hurdles to overcome, with the hurdles gradually increasing as they are able to mentally and physically overcome them.

If you shield them from every pain, if you protect them from ever receiving negative feedback, they won’t be able to withstand even the slightest pain when they grow up. Imagine how embarrassing it will be when they are eight years old and still don’t know how to share toys/games. Or when they cry for not getting their way when they are nine. Imagine them being a poor sport when they lose a game because you always let them win.

They need to understand rejection, defeat, and not always getting their way. If you always cave in to every request (candy, buying them games, etc), they will expect life to do the same. But that’s not how life works and they will be in for a rude awakening when they finally figure that out. That’s why so many people who are entitled. They think they deserve something just because they are them. They weren’t taught proper manners and expectations at a younger age and have brought a child’s mindset to adolescence (and beyond).

Success leaves clues

Look around you and figure out what successful people have done in order to set themselves up to achieve that level of success. Tease out the similarities in what many successful people are doing to get them there. Their individual tactics may be slightly different, but I can almost guarantee that they have a similar mindset or strategy.

What did they do to achieve success that other successful people have also done? Correlation does not equal causation, but if you continue to see the same patterns over and over, you can at least increase your odds of achieving success. Look for the clues to lead you there. Listen for them. Then act on them.

Courage to look within

Have the courage to face your weaknesses. Where are you lagging behind? What faults do you have? What mistakes do you repeatedly make? How can you improve in these areas?

Have the courage to admit you were wrong. It will be hard to look in the mirror instead of pointing out the faults of others. Or to admit your mistakes without caveats or giving excuses…just own them. Don’t say, “I only did this because…” or “I wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t do this.” That’s not admitting your mistake, not really.

Focus on your actions and how you can improve the situation, not on what you did right and what the other person did wrong. Don’t go in with the idea of having an “unwritten and unspoken agreement” (something in your head only) that when you apologize for X, the other will/should apologize for Y. That’s not how it works. Be sorry when you’re sorry. If you only use the words but don’t actually mean it, others will eventually see through it.

The key to excellence, greatness, and success

“Consistent, hard work gains success.” – Dwayne Johnson

There is a quote attributed to Aristotle that says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.”

Excellence, success, greatness…these are things to strive for, but you don’t achieve any of them with a single action. They come with consistent action towards your goals. Set goals, review them daily, and decide what are the most important actions you need to take today to bring you a little (or a lot) closer to your goals. What habits do you need to have in place?

A lot of us (myself included) get caught up with wanting to learn more. Learning is great. Gaining more knowledge is great. But it won’t get you anywhere near success if you don’t apply that knowledge and turn it into action. Don’t confuse reading with taking action towards your goals…yes, it could give you a good foundation. It can help you avoid making the same mistakes that others have made, but often we lie to ourselves saying that we are preparing to take action, when really we’re procrastinating.

Take consistent action everyday. Live purposely. Act intentionally. Success, excellence, and greatness will come if you are consistent with your actions, but if you’re not, you’ll miss the opportunity when it’s here.