What to think about when setting New Years resolutions

January 1st is here, which means many of you have already set (or will be looking to set) New Years resolutions. Resolutions get a bad reputation sometimes, but they shouldn’t. You should always strive to improve your life. What gets mocked though is how many yearly goals not only don’t get achieved, but are discarded/forgotten by the time February 1st rolls around.

So how do you avoid becoming a cliche by actually keeping your resolutions? Follow these 5 steps to have a greater chance at hitting your goals…

1. Figure out what your goal is in the 7 major categories of life. These categories are: family, relationships, physical, mental, spiritual, financial, and career.

2. After figuring out what your goals are, ask yourself when each goal should be realistically accomplished. Is it something that can actually be accomplished this year? Maybe it will only take 90 days or maybe it will take 3 years. Either way, if it’s important to you, don’t scrap the idea just because it doesn’t fit into a “yearly” goal timeline. Instead, break the goal down into milestones…in order to achieve Z, you need to get to Y by this date. But in order to achieve Y, you need to get to X by this date. Continue doing this until you have broken it down to what you need to do TODAY.

When each goal is broken down into manageable chunks of what needs to be done, always set a timeline for when you should hit each milestone as well (not just the overarching goal). This will let you know if you’re on track to hitting your yearly goal. If you reach a milestone date and haven’t achieved that milestone yet, it allows you to pivot early enough to still (hopefully) complete your big goal.

3. After figuring out what your goals (and milestones) are and when they can be realistically accomplished, the next thing you need is to have a powerful why behind them. Why are you resolving to achieve that thing? Why is that important to you? Will it make you feel better (intrinsic motivation) or is it to impress other people (extrinsic motivation)? Did you come up with it yourself or are you following along with what you think your spouse or your boss wants you to do?

You should be excited to get started, but as you begin to struggle, or when you don’t see results right away, you will be tempted to quit. The voice inside your head will begin to tell you that you didn’t really want that in the first place or that whatever your goal was isn’t really important. That’s just you giving yourself an out. But if you have a “why” behind the “what,” you will be more likely to keep at it when the times get tough. Your “why” should excite you and it should improve your life in some way.

4. Now that you know what your goal is, when you need to achieve it by, and why it is important to you, you need to figure out how you’re going to do it. Once again, it is best to figure this out by breaking it down.

First, you need to have a clearly defined time of day to work on your goals. Look at your goals daily and figure out the time you will work on your goal every single day. Will it be every morning when you wake up, as soon as you get off of work, or right before bed every night? Stay consistent with what time you work on your goals. Make this a habit!

Secondly, you’ll be more effective when you have a dedicated place to work on your goals. Where you will work on achieving your most important next action step for the day? Will your “sacred place” be at the gym, your office, a coffee shop, the basement, etc.? You need to define your work space. Especially now, with so many people working from home, you don’t want to blur the lines between when you’re supposed to be working and when you’re supposed to be spending quality time with your family. If you blur the lines, it will be too easy to not be truly focused on anything (making all aspects of your life suffer).

The last part of the “how” to achieve your goal is to understand what is the ONE thing you need to do today to get you closer to your milestone goal. I discussed this earlier when I mentioned breaking down each goal to the point of what you need to do TODAY to get you to where you need to be for the next milestone…What actions (leading measurements) are important to track every day that predict success for your achievement goals (lagging result)? What is the ONE thing you have to do that day to move you closer to achieving your next milestone? Remember, every journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. You have to take small, consistent action to get to where you want to go.

5. Finally, you need to determine who can help you achieve your goals. This will probably take multiple people (probably at least one person for each goal). Is it a loved one who cares about that particular goal just as much as you do? Is it a friend or co-worker with a similar goal? Or maybe you find a group/community online to help encourage you when you’re down, but hold you accountable as well? No matter what the case, share your goals with others. Saying it out loud and writing it down means that you can’t hide it when you don’t achieve your goals. Take ownership of your goals, of your successes when you hit them, and of your failures if you don’t. The only person who can make you do this is you, but it always helps to have support along the way.

Keep these five things in mind when setting goals/resolutions. Of course, try to make them S.M.A.R.T.E.R. (specific, measurable, actionable, risky, time-keyed, exciting, and relevant) and, again, focus on WHY it is important to you. You need to have a deep intrinsic motivation to do something in order to keep pushing through the tough times.

Good luck and happy new year!

Mastery and challenge

What brings us happiness? A balance of mastery and challenge. This is a paradox as a life with only mastery and no challenge would be boring. Imagine playing a 3 year old in a game of checkers. You would always win and there would be no challenge. But a life with only challenges and no mastery would be equally, if not more, dreadful. It would be like constantly getting sand kicked in your face. And just when you’re about to get up again, someone shoves you down. A life of only challenges yet no mastery is not a life of happiness.

We need a balance between the two. With mastery brings a sense of accomplishment and of overcoming difficulties that not everyone is willing to attempt. But if you only stay within your comfort zone, in the domain which you have mastered, you will soon find yourself bored. And a bored mind is not optimized for maximum happiness. Instead, you need another challenge, something to take you out of your comfort zone, but a challenge that is still possible to overcome. And then the cycle continues, as anything that challenges you is inherently something you have not mastered yet.

Influence vs. control

You can influence others, but you can’t control them. Others can influence you, but they can’t control you. You get to decide what you do or don’t do. Don’t blame someone else for “making” you do something or feel some way. They may have influence over you, but only you get to determine if they control you or not.

Let’s take that a step further and apply it to life circumstances. We don’t get to control what happens in our environment. We can influence it to an extent and it can influence us but we don’t control it and it doesn’t control us.

Don’t blame the economy, the government, the president, your boss, or anyone else for something that isn’t right in your life. They’re only a small part of the problem. The bigger part of the problem is your attitude and your actions.

The good news is that if you’re the majority of the problem, you’re also the majority of the solution. Work on fixing yourself and your life will get better. No matter the circumstances, you can always try to improve your situation by improving your attitude, being prepared, working hard, and being kind to others. If you do this everyday, you’ll soon find out that outside circumstances eventually have less and less influence (and absolutely no control) on your life.

Take a shot, take a chance

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky

This quote isn’t just about hockey, or basketball, or any other sport for that matter This quote is a metaphor for life. If you want something more for yourself or your family, you have to take a shot at it. You might miss. It might be embarrassing. But if you don’t take the shot, and you “play it safe,” eventually you’ll realize that playing it safe wasn’t so safe after all.

Courage

Should courage be the foundation of everyone’s core values? I believe justice, integrity, generosity, and perseverance are also very important values to have, but without the courage to act on what we need to do, will any of those virtues be followed in times of trouble?

We need to be courageous to face uncomfortable situations. Without courage, we are more likely to default to whatever is easiest. Sometimes, to be courageous will require us to confront others, whether they are our peers, someone in a position of authority, or maybe someone you are supposed to be leading. Hopefully we don’t need to confront others often, but it will be necessary at some point in life, regardless of who you are.

Are we standing up for what we believe in, even if it means that we may suffer for doing so? Without courage, we won’t speak up when we see injustice. Without courage, we won’t do what we know is right just because there are roadblocks (like other people). Without courage, maybe we will be less likely to give because we fear we won’t have enough. Without courage, we will give up at the first sign of struggle.

Practice being courageous. It will take time and we will mess up many times along the way. But if we give ourselves some grace, and keep trying to do what is right no matter the consequences, eventually being courageous will become easier for us. Then, not only will we be able to sleep better at night knowing we stood up for what we believe, but we will also gain the respect/admiration of others.