Your guide to a healthier perspective of life
Choose courage over comfort. Just be aware that, as Brene Brown points out in her book Dare to Lead, ”if you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak.”
Courage is tough. It is not for the faint of heart. But, in the long run, the more you choose to be courageous and stay true to yourself, the less regrets you’ll have in life.
1. Decisiveness – clearly define what it is you want. Then ask yourself, will whatever action you’re about to take bring you closer to that goal? If yes, do it. If no, don’t do it. Not sure? Give yourself a set period to decide then take action.
2. Build momentum. Does an airplane start the engine then it’s up in the air flying? No. It has to build up speed to take flight. Once in the air, it’s easy to maintain. Determine what is the most important next action step, then do it (preferably, it should be easy to implement so you can “check it off the list” and build momentum). When you do that, figure out the most important next step and do that. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
3. Measure what matters. Keep track of the most important numbers. What are the lead measures and lag measures you need to hit to achieve your goals? Budget your time, actions, money, etc.
4. Become an expert. What did I do yesterday? How could I have done it better? What did I do that I should stop doing? What do I need to learn to be considered an “expert” in my field.
You must be willing to take risks in order to achieve something extraordinary. Even if it is the risk of failing, of putting yourself out there, of not being accepted or of people mocking your views, if you don’t risk showing your unique self, you will never stand out.
Don’t try to “blend in.” You’re unique. You have unique thoughts, abilities, and mannerisms. Embrace your uniqueness. Follow your interests. And don’t be afraid to show your true self, or else you risk disappearing into the crowd, not standing out from anyone because you don’t stand for anything.
Realize that not falling in line and doing what everyone else says/does may make some people feel uncomfortable. Some people will dislike you for your ideas, others will be envious of your success. But if you stay true to who you are and what your values are, you can go to sleep easy at night, all while achieving great things.
1. Show them that you want to be with them. Be interested in their stories. Pay them sincere compliments. Make them feel good about themselves and make them feel desired. Ask yourself, are most of your interactions with them positive, negative, or neutral (the silent killer)?
2. Show them appreciation. When they help you, make sure you point out the specifics about how their actions have made your life easier or improved your life in some way. Never forget to thank them and do not take their helpfulness or thoughtfulness for granted. Ask yourself, when was the last time you thanked them for doing something “expected?” Do you still thank them for picking up the groceries, folding the laundry, or taking out the trash? Yes, those things need to be done. But maybe you should be the one to do those things (or, at the very least, say thank you when they get done).
3. Show them respect. Never get into a name-calling argument. Even if you disagree with their opinion or action, approach them with respect. Don’t roll your eyes, make snarky remarks, or make audible sounds (like sighing) to express your disapproval. Avoid being passive aggressive and instead be respectfully upfront with them. Have you noticed yourself doing any of these things? Stop it. And if you do catch yourself doing it, apologize right then and there.
4. Show them love. You can want to hang out with someone, but not love them. You can appreciate what they do for you, but not love them. You can respect someone, but not love them. Even though your significant other should be a treasured friend, don’t lump them into the “friend zone” with everyone else. Show them love and speak their love language. When was the last time you showed your significant other affection? When was the last time you hugged them, kissed them, or…(you get it)? Maybe their love language isn’t physical touch. You could try other things like getting them a gift “just because” or writing them a note each morning. Try different things, but always show your love for them and your relationship stands a good chance of not only surviving, but thriving.
1. Courage. What leader has been great without also showing extreme courage? George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Martin Luther King Jr…none of them were perfect (nobody is). But what separates them even from other great leaders is their ability to choose to be courageous when it would be easier to lay down. To be courageous, you must first have a clear understanding of what your core values are and stick to them. When times get tough, you will have a decision to make. Do you stay true to what you say your values are? Or do you let the easier choice make your decision?
2. Confidence. To be a leader, you must display confidence. This is not to say that you will always be confident in your decisions. Nobody knows what the future holds or how your decisions will work out. But, you must not let the unknowns paralyze you from making a decision. Instead, take a reasonable time to do your due diligence – research what experts are saying, ask those whom you respect of their opinions, and inject your own common sense into the equation – then act on it! Be decisive and show confidence in your decision. If you’re not confident in yourself, how can you expect others to have confidence in you? Who wants to follow a leader who is meek and not confident in their actions?
It’s easy to look back and say, “I should have done this or that instead.” But the fact of the matter is, you have to make a decision which you feel is best with the information you have at that time. Once you get new information, you can make a different decision. But don’t beat yourself up for not knowing what was unknowable at the time. You will never have all of the answers, so don’t wait to act until you have them. Perfection is the enemy of progress. Done is better than perfect. Be confident and unapologetic in your decisions.
3. Poise. Leaders are poised. They are calm under pressure. They don’t panic. They don’t lose their cool. They do not point fingers or play the blame game. When things get tough, they buckle down. They figure out what the real issue is (not just attacking the surface problem, only for another related problem to pop up…they go deeper to try to get to the root cause and eliminate it). They figure out who needs to do what and when it needs to be completed. They can explain the importance of why it needs to be done and delegate it to others to complete. They might give guidance on how to accomplish it, but they don’t micromanage. Micromanaging kills autonomy and sabotages morale. Leaders understand that people want direction, but they want the freedom to do it their own way. Giving someone that freedom shows you respect them and believe in them enough to get the job done on their own terms.
4. Abundance mindset. Leaders have an abundance mindset, not a scarcity mindset. Instead of looking at others who are successful and being jealous of them, they see them and try to figure how they can emulate and expand upon their successes. Competition leads to innovation.
5. Discipline. Leaders are disciplined and gritty. They understand that in order to consistently produce the results they want, they have to put in focused effort day-in and day-out. True success – success that lasts – requires more than a “one and done” kind of approach. You can’t expect to be great if you never practice. You have to continuously work to be better, to become more efficient, to look for new ways of solving problems. When you don’t feel like doing something important, do it anyways. Find your discipline muscle and use it. And when things don’t go your way, be gritty enough to keep at it. You can allow yourself to be temporarily discouraged, but use that as fuel to overcome the obstacles you’re facing.