relationships | The Caleb Barney Collection

Accidentally choosing mediocrity

In my quest to be great at all things, I become mediocre in them. I have to choose…just like I can’t reach my peak strength while also having the best endurance, I must prioritize what is most important to me. Do I want to be a powerlifter, a bodybuilder, or a marathoner? If I choose to be all three that’s fine. It may be the best overall for my health (being well-rounded), but I will limit my success in all of them by choosing to do all three simultaneously. If I want to compete to be the best in any of them, I must focus on only one.

One way to try to circumvent choosing only one is to have overlap in the things in which I want to be great. Figure out what each thing has in common…do they have similar training schedules so I’m not spending more time, effort, or money than I need to? If I can maximize my efficiency and effectiveness, I may be able to reach my potential in multiple tasks at once. But if they are very different (requiring different skill sets, training schedules, etc.), I will be limited by my resources (time, energy, money) and not be able to compete as well as I want.

Responding to the haters

Leave the hurtful, mean-spirited comments from others on the ground like it’s a flaming bag of dog turd. Even if you stomp it out (by responding), you’ll carry around the smell of poop with you.

Ignore the haters. Know who you are and which people’s opinions you actually value. Don’t get too high or too low by the feedback from those who don’t know you or care about you.

Listen to build better relationships

Listen with the same passion with which you want to be heard.

Everyone wants to be heard. You do. I do. We all do. When you’re talking and someone cuts you off mid-sentence, or pulls their phone out, do you like that feeling? Do you ever get the sense that someone’s response seemed almost canned, like it was kind of relevant, but not really, and that the person was just waiting for their turn to make a point? Now, admit it, have you ever done this to someone else?

Stop doing that.

As much as you want to be listened to when you’re talking, so does the person with whom you are talking! Make sure you stop trying to “multitask” and start paying attention to whoever you’re with. This will lead to better, stronger relationships with them and a feeling of connection that benefits you both.

“If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.” – Harriet Lerner

On happiness, gratitude, and perspective

Your worst day is NOT that bad. Keep that in mind whenever you feel down.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning. It’s a new opportunity to do what you were supposed to do, to act how you want to act, to say what you need to say.

You have been blessed with so much in this life. Do not take it for granted. After you take a few deep breaths, reflect on what you are grateful for. Pray, if that’s what you’re into. Or meditate if you prefer. Regardless, the better you are able to frame your life/keep things in the proper perspective, the happier you’ll be.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” — Robert J. Sawyer

Admit it, sometimes you get worked up over things that actually don’t matter. You get mad at the driver who was texting instead of paying attention that the light turned green a full TWO seconds ago! Or that someone performed a task that was not up to your standards. Or that maybe you didn’t live up to to someone else’s standards…

Regardless of the scenario, I think we tend to make things out to be bigger than they actually are. That’s society today. Even the news, which people used to turn to for “unbiased” facts have become opinion shows that catastrophize every little story to make it more exciting or to make it seem like the sky is falling. That’s how they get more views, better ratings, and more advertisement dollars, after all.

But what if we decided to take a different approach. Instead of paying attention to the trivial stuff – the stuff that doesn’t matter – what if we just left it alone? If we learn to either ignore those things altogether OR we reframe them and see them for what they actually are (non-important events that won’t affect our lives), we will find much more inner peace.

Follow this simple rule…if you won’t remember this specific event in five years, don’t waste five minutes of your time thinking about it. In the grand scheme of life, we need to focus on what is essential to us. What brings us the most joy? Who matters most in our lives? Spend time doing those things and being with those people. Don’t waste your time getting into social media arguments. Let the little things go.