Category: Uncategorized

Do the best you can

All anyone should ever expect of someone else is that they do the best they can based on the knowledge and experience they have. How can you fault someone (including yourself) for making a poor decision when they were only acting based on their past experiences and the information they had at hand? That’s like me judging my 10-year old self for doing something dumb. Should I hold a grudge against 10-year old me? (Hint: the answer is no.)

Hindsight is always 20-20. We have all said or done things that we wish we wouldn’t have said or done, whether it was a minor offense or a major transgression. But you can’t change the past, you can only change how you will act in the future. The best way to make sure you improve your future actions is to continually be evolving. Work on improving yourself everyday – improving your mindset, working towards having an attitude of gratitude, teaching yourself to be more forgiving.

We all make mistakes, but all we can do is continue to try our best. As we watch others or experience something ourselves, we should take note as to how certain actions affect others. How did that make them feel? Was that the best way to handle the situation or would it have been more productive to approach it another way? Lastly, don’t judge others for doing something that you yourself may have done just a few years ago. Everyone is journeying through life together. They may be a little further ahead or behind you on the path, but don’t be so harsh to criticize when that could have been you making the same poor decision.

Love, anger, and sadness

“Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.” – Edward Abbey

There are two things I would make note of when reading this quote…

First, I would expand the quote to say that love not only implies anger, but sadness as well. If you lose something you love, even if only temporarily, there are a range of emotions you could feel, including anger or sadness. Feeling passionately means you care deeply. The opposite of happiness is neither anger nor sadness – it’s apathy. It’s not feeling anything at all.

The second thing I think of when I see this quote is I hope people don’t use it as an excuse to be angry. I could see someone saying they’re only angry because they care – justifying their improper actions. While they may love you or care about you, they might just be getting angry because they are possessive, controlling, or mean-spirited. Or, they may care, but it’s caring less about another person and more about their reputation. They wouldn’t say it out loud, but deep down they’re getting angry because they care more about themselves than anyone else, and what you’re doing is hurting their status/ego.

One final note relating to this topic…

When you love someone or something deeply, you’re bound to get into disagreements or feel disappointment occasionally. How you express yourself when you feel that way will make a world of difference in how healthy your relationships are though. Don’t lash out at them. Don’t act like a child who doesn’t get his way. Treat them with the love and respect they deserve and try to talk through your feelings. It’s not healthy to erupt with anger, but it’s not healthy to bottle up your emotions either. Remember how lucky you are when you feel these negative emotions. Feeling strongly just means you’ve been fortunate enough to care deeply about something/someone. As Dr. Seuss said, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Finding root issues

Identify what the root of the issue is…is it a people issue, a process issue, or a tool issue? Does it boil down to having the wrong person on your team? Do you have the right people, but you haven’t trained them well enough or put enough processes in place to allow them to succeed? Or do you have the right people and processes, but they don’t have the tools to succeed?

Discuss potential solutions to your issues. At first, anything should be an option to solve your issue. After all options are on the table, then you can start eliminating those that are not as applicable. Be sure to always keep an open mind and don’t shut down opposing viewpoints.

Solve the key issue. Make sure that this is not a band-aid, but a long-term solution. You don’t want to “solve” something temporarily, only to have it crop back up again in a few months.

Embracing the suck

Have you ever caught yourself wishing for more? Have you said, “I can’t wait to get out of this crappy apartment!” Or, “This car is the worst! I want to get a new one.” Or even, “I’ll be happier once X happens.”

But the reality is, those things you think you want? The things you think will make you happy? They won’t give you lasting happiness. You’ll love your new apartment or car for a couple of months, then that will become your new normal, your baseline will reset, and you eventually will want something newer and better again. You have to change your mindset if you want lasting happiness. It’s like the cliche, “Life is a journey, not a destination. Learn to enjoy the ride.”

Instead of wishing for more, we should work on being grateful for what we have. We should enjoy where we’re at, and that means sometimes you have to embrace the suck. It may not be the most fun now, but as long as you put yourself in a position to get past this (without focusing too much on the end result, a.k.a. “the destination”), one day you’ll be able to look back fondly at the memories you’re making.

I remember living in a century house in Columbus my sophomore and junior years in college. The one side of the house didn’t really warm up that well during the winter months and we were broke college students, so we closed that section off. At its worst, the kitchen must have been 10 degrees colder than the living room, maybe more. But it’s not like the living room was that warm either. In addition to having the curtains closed and a blanket lining the bottom of the door (to minimize the draft), we always wore sweatpants and hoodies while wrapped up in a blanket with the space heater nearby. Our rooms were cold too, especially mine since I lived in the attic! It wasn’t the best house, but we loved it. You have to embrace those moments and the memories you are blessed to make with others. Now, over ten years later, my old roommates and I still bring up those times and laugh. We’ve moved on to bigger and better things, but that’s kind of the point. You don’t want to be stuck in a crappy house (or situation) forever. You should be ambitious. You should have goals. But don’t make those the end all, be all. Focus on the journey, not the destination. After all, a little adversity is going to kill you.

I know that we plan on letting our kids have that crappy job, the embarrassing car that has a name, and a stereotypical college house/apartment. It builds resilience and character. When things aren’t handed to you and you occasionally have to “embrace the suck,” it allows you to put your current situation into perspective. You’ll eventually get past this hurdle, but until then, try to soak everything in. Remember every detail of what’s going on. It will only make the story that much better when you relive/retell it in the future. Until then, try to enjoy the ride.