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What to do (or not) in today’s “outrage culture”

There are a lot of hot button topics/issues at any moment in time, some legitimate and some not so much. Being in the United States, we have a remarkable freedom to say what we want. It’s a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mean that we should abuse that freedom. We shouldn’t say mean or hurtful things as is so often done by the “tough people” on the internet. So with today’s blog post, I wanted to touch on two things I’ve been thinking about lately – 1) stop being so easily offended and 2) don’t apologize unless you really mean it.

First of all, we should always work to improve ourselves and one of the best ways to improve yourself is by improving your happiness. With that logic, removing happiness would be a way to make your life worse then, right? Well, one of the quickest ways to remove happiness from your life is to take offense to the everything around you. Today’s first action step is to not be so easily offended.

In today’s “outrage” and “cancel” culture, people seem to take offense at the most minor issues. If you feel you’ve been wronged, take a moment to think before reacting. Did the other person actually do something terrible to you? Was it done maliciously? Or was it a mistake? Do they even know that you feel this way?

Remember, you can’t control what other people do, you can only control your actions and reactions to them. If you live in America, chances are that you’re better off than the majority of the world and aren’t facing issues to the same extent as someone living in a hut in a third world country. Put your “problems” in perspective and stop being so easily offended.

The second thing that I think many of us should work on is to not be apologetic unless you really mean it. I’m not confrontational. I don’t like conflict, so I avoid it when I can. If you’re like me, you may find yourself apologizing to someone for offending them even if what you did isn’t bad in your eyes. Stop doing that. It’s inauthentic and won’t mean very much if you continue doing the same thing you just apologized for.

Think about why you’re saying sorry before you do next time. If someone is mad at you, don’t say sorry just to get back in their good graces if you don’t believe what you did was wrong. If you feel that what you did was right, you should either stand up for your actions (if it’s something worth “fighting” for) or let it go (if it’s something small). But don’t get defensive. If you are, is it because you are actually the one who offended now? They’re allowed to voice their displeasure and disagreement with you. That’s the whole freedom of speech thing that we talked about in paragraph one.

If you’re allowing yourself to become upset because someone else is offended by something you said or did, take a look in the mirror. Are you perpetuating the cycle of having thin skin? Don’t do exactly what you want others to stop doing. Don’t be offended by something that doesn’t really matter in e grand scheme of life.

To recap, don’t take the little things in life too seriously and try to be sensitive to how others feel. Yes, we have the right to a freedom of speech, but that doesn’t mean that you should try to provoke others. Be nice. Try to be the bigger person. If you change your mind about something you’ve said or done in the past, admit it and apologize to those you have legitimately wronged. And when others disagree with you, learn to let the little things go and instead choose to be happy.

Changing your mindset

Ask yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” Often, our decisions don’t boil down to life or death, so don’t make them out to be more than they are.

Default to saying, “why not?” Instead of being pessimistic and thinking, “why should I do X?” You should say, “why not?” If you default to yes and then look for a reason why you shouldn’t (primarily looking at health and safety), you open yourself up to the possibility of experiencing new things. But if you never try anything new, your life will become boring and stagnant.

Instead of saying, “I can’t” ask yourself “how can I?” Think outside of the box. If someone else has done something, you can too. But what will it take for you to get there? How can you achieve a specific goal?

Changing your mindset – being optimistic and believing in yourself – is the best path to unlocking your potential. There’s always bumps in the road. Things won’t go as planned. But as long as you know this going into your next endeavor, plan for the worst, and hope for the best, you’ll be alright. Just keep moving forward.

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with…Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” – Jim Rohn

Does your environment support your goals? Are you hanging out with success-minded people? Are they fair, open-minded, and a positive influence? Take a look at who you spend the most time with. Do their behaviors align with what you have in mind?

When trying to determine what path you and your friends/colleagues are on, you have to look at the big picture. Don’t only look at monetary successes. Money doesn’t make someone happy. It’s one part of the equation, but you also have to take into account family/social life, physical and mental health, etc. Are your friends on the same track as you or are they heading down a path you don’t want to go? If it’s the former, they may be further ahead or further behind you, but if you’re all working towards a common destination, you can all learn, grow, and get to your destination together. If it’s the latter, you should try to help them get back on track (if that’s what they want) or you may need to let that relationship go.

Lastly, don’t make this transactional. Life is about relationships. You should love hanging out with these people! If you don’t love talking with them and spending time with them, why are you doing it? Don’t abuse your relationships or try to “trade up” who you’re hanging out with just to get further ahead in life. Ideally, you will be hanging out with some people who are already where you want to be heading. They can almost serve as a mentor to you (but don’t call them that unless you want to freak them out). You should also help to guide those whom you are in front of, trying to pave a path for their future success. Being at both ends of the spectrum (being the mentee AND the mentor) will keep you motivated, inspired, and still focused on giving back rather than only trying to take from those ahead of you.

Actions and the highest bidder

“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” – George Washington

People are often incentivized to do nothing (or worse, to do the wrong thing) by being rewarded. Meanwhile, they are often hurt (financially, socially, etc.) by doing the right thing. The question is, do you have the intestinal fortitude to do what is right, no matter the consequences?

Opportunity cost and the Kaizen method

There are trade-offs in everything you do. It’s called opportunity cost. Because you are spending your time, energy, or money on one thing, that means that you cannot spend that same time, energy, or money on something else. You do not have an infinite supply, therefore your actions are costing you the opportunity to do something else. You must choose what your priority is and focus on that. Take this into account when making daily decisions. You don’t always have to make the most efficient or effective choice, but if you regularly decide to practice inefficiency and ineffectiveness, it will eventually catch up to you.

One process to combat this is called the Kaizen method. Kaizen focuses on applying small, daily changes that result in major improvements over time. Thought about in another way, if you can improve yourself even fractionally (.5%, for example) each day, imagine how much better you’ll be in 5, 10, or 15 years.

The opposite is also true. If you get just a little worse each day, you won’t be able to tell at first. But after getting fractionally worse over a period of 10 years, you’re going to look in the mirror and wonder what happened to yourself.

Don’t be the person who peaked in high school. Understand that there are trade-offs in every decision you make and try to improve in something each day.