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“Neglect is like poison to your relationship, but attention is like fertilizer.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

If you ever feel like a key relationship is becoming stagnant or slowly falling apart, give it more attention. What did you used to do with that person that made you both feel close to each other? Has anything changed since then to prevent you from doing that or something similar again?

If you neglect that relationship (by not talking with them regularly, by being on your phone when you’re with them, by not doing things with and for them, etc.), of course it will begin to fade! If you want to rekindle your relationship, tend to it. Focus your attention on it and act with purpose. Then your relationship will strengthen again.

Anger begets more anger, but love begets more love. Think back and try to remember the last time being angry helped you. I’m not talking about being annoyed enough to make a change in your life for the better. I’m talking about actually being angry with someone. When has it helped you?

The truth is, the vast majority of the time, anger doesn’t help us. When we become angry (either with ourselves or someone else), we are not only letting a past event negatively impact us, but we’re also putting ourselves in a bad mood right now.

Even worse, if we lash out at others in anger, we can damage our relationship with them. Do you think that yelling at others will garner you more respect and love? No way. It will do the opposite. It will make them angry with you. Even if they act end up doing what you want, it’s not out of respect – it’s out of fear.

But if you show them love when you’re hurting? If you explain to them how their actions made you feel? That can be a productive conversation. If you show them kindness and respect, they will probably reciprocate. And together, you and that other person can work together, focusing on resolving whatever issue is present.

Learn to control your temper. Learn to be kind to everyone. You can disagree with someone or give them honest feedback and still be nice. Be mindful of the words you say or the actions you take towards yourself and others. By doing so, you will further your relationships with others, feel less anger (because you’ll be solving issues), and live a happier life.

It is easy to become so focused on what is immediately in front of us that we become unaware of our surroundings. Something unexpected comes up so we focus on new tactics to overcome that immediate obstacle. But, if we’re not careful, we will be stuck only making reactionary choices that are focused on these short term hurdles, while losing sight of our overall strategic mission (our long term goals).

If we are looking through the sights of our scope and forget to occasionally step back and detach from the situation, we can lose sight of the bigger picture. Just like the old saying goes, “you can’t see the forest for the trees.” If you’re too close to a situation, before you take massive action, make sure you zoom out (or ask for other opinions) to ensure that whatever you’re doing is moving you closer towards your long term goals. Your tactics (what you do/how you do it) need to align with your strategy (where you want to go). If they are in conflict with each other, it will be difficult to achieve what you are setting out to do.

The decision should be easy. You know what your heart is telling you to do. But the action of actually carrying out that decision can be difficult. Knowing that your decision affects more than just yourself is what weighs on you. Not wanting others to be negatively impacted by what you choose to do (or not do) – that’s the tough part.

But here’s the thing…You probably aren’t as important as you think you are. They will be ok. It will be an adjustment for them, but that’s true for you too. They survived without you before and they’ll survive regardless of your decision now. Don’t exaggerate what you feel your power or influence is. Life will go on.

In the end, you have to take care of yourself and your family first. This is where you mean the most. Do whatever you can to make the right decisions with the facts at hand and follow through completely (taking action) for yourself and your family. You have to start with what is closest to home. Once you do that, then you can try to help your extended family, friends, and co-workers. After that, you can turn your focus on positively contributing to your community, your state, your country, and eventually the world. But if you don’t have it together “in house,” if your not focused on doing what is right for yourself first, how can you be expected to make a lasting impact on anyone else?

Have you ever really wanted to do something, but for whatever reason, you didn’t do it? Maybe you were scared. You told yourself that the timing wasn’t right or that you would wait until conditions x, y, and z were present in order for you to move forward.

A great quote, from “The Great One” (Wayne Gretzky), perfectly addresses this by saying “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” Notice that he’s not saying you’ll make every shot. On the contrary, you will actually miss a lot of shots. But missing shots is different than not taking shots. If you miss a shot, at least you had a chance at succeeding. If you are too afraid to ever shoot in the first place, you will become mired in a world of wondering “what if.” If you don’t take the shot, you will never know what your life could have been if you went for it. Don’t live with the regret of not trying. If something is important to you, you owe it to yourself to take the shot.