“Only those who have the patience to do things perfectly will acquire the skills to do difficult things easily.” Friedrich Schiller
When you’re new to an activity, chances are that you’ll be mediocre, or maybe even bad at it. But with regular, intentional practice, you can improve. Depending on the difficulty level, this could take a long time. But if you have the patience and persistence to continually work on your craft, eventually you will acquire the skills to make that once-difficult activity easy.
Anything worth having won’t come free. If you really want it, you’re going to need to put in the effort. And when the going gets tough, that’s when the real decision comes into play…do you double down on your efforts or walk away from that activity, thinking it was only a pipe dream? If you choose the former, try to find a different, but better way of achieving the result you want. If you choose the latter, if you choose to give up on your goal, realize that that’s something you may always regret.
Live your life with your end in mind. When you’re on your deathbed, you don’t want to look back with regrets. Some of the more common regrets include the following:
– Hurting others, especially loved ones, with your actions (such as saying hurtful things, not spending quality time with them, or having an affair).
– Not living up to your full potential (having ideas but never acting on them).
– Not finding meaning or purpose in life (not connected spiritually – not living for something greater than yourself).
Try to minimize those regrets now by taking action (or not taking the wrong actions) on things you may regret later.
Reflect on what you want to do (your big picture goals) and how you want to be remembered (as a loving, caring partner and parent; a fiercely loyal friend; an ambitious and ethical worker). After you’ve decided who you want to be, do your best to be that person every moment of every day. You won’t always live up to this ideal version of yourself, but if you keep it front of mind you’ll be more likely to achieve it.
How do you gain other people’s trust? It starts with your relationship with them. They need to know that you have their best interests at heart. They need to know that they can rely on you to do the right thing, to give them advice when they need it most, or to lend a helping hand when they feel down and out. You need to show your commitment to them – not just when things are going well, but when things are bad as well (showing consistency).
When you offer help, you need to do it sincerely. If you are disingenuous when you offer help, or if you say one thing then talk about them behind their back, you will lose their trust.
If someone is hiring you (whether as an employee or if you’re a contractor for a customer), they want to know that you know what you’re doing (competency), you have a network of individuals to help get the job done right, and you have core values that align with their own.
Lastly, in addition to the qualities listed above, you have to show that you trust them. Trust is a two-way street. If you’re doing everything you can to earn their trust, but you’re not showing them the same respect by distrusting them, they will sense that something is missing.
How can anyone trust you if you don’t trust them first? If you’re not open and honest with others, can you really expect the same from them? Open up to them. Show them that you’re a real person. Be ok with being vulnerable, but don’t overdo it. Most people like feeling helpful. If you show a little vulnerability, they will see that you’re human just like them and will be inclined to help you. But if you come off as a know-it-all robot with no feelings, emotions, or weaknesses, they will treat you like the robot persona that you are showcasing to the world. Likewise, if you’re too vulnerable, you can come off as weak and incompetent. Just like anything in life, showing vulnerability requires balance. Too much and you’ll lose respect from others, but too little and you run the risk of losing connection with them.
A final note on trusting others…not only will you go further by trusting others and others trusting you, but your quality of life will be better. If you never trust anyone, or are paranoid that they’re out to get you, you will end up living a very lonely life. Let others in! Good experiences will be better with others and bad experiences will show you that you’re not alone. Work on building trust with everyone you meet and you’ll see that life is good.
“If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you’re doing.” – W. Edwards Deming
Processes can feel like barriers, but they’re actually like bumper lanes in bowling. When you “wing it” and don’t have a process in place, you’re going to get inconsistent results. When the right processes are set in place, it gives you the freedom to tweak your pitch/presentation within the parameters of the process. It still lets you experiment, but will get you better, more consistent results.
Coaches don’t have to be inspirational or give rah-rah speeches. Think of Bill Belichick, Nick Saban, or Greg Poppovich. None of them are like that. They focus on the task at hand. They focus on the drills that need to be performed. There are no “you can do it!” pep rally speeches from them. They tell it like it is and their goal is to get their team better at their jobs.
A cheerleader makes you feel good, but a coach makes you better. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be nice or that you can’t care for your co-workers/teammates/mentees. It just means that you are not doing them any justice by only telling them what they want to hear. Tough love is just love. You need to love them enough to let them make mistakes, but not such catastrophic mistakes that they’re not going to bounce back from them. You need to know when to step in and to not let them hurt themselves. That’s what being a great coach is all about.
