Everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. We all have inner demons that we are battling. Some of what we face is self-inflicted, but other times we face issues with friends, family members, or other outside influences.
When facing tough times, some people are sharers and let you know what’s going on in their life, while others bottle their emotions up and don’t talk to anyone. Some people (most people) react poorly to adversity and stress. If they snap at you, it is easy to get mad at them. But we should not assume that we know their intentions when they act rightly or wrongly towards you. (By the way, there is no actual right or wrong, it’s just how you perceive it…what is “right” for you may be wrong for someone else, and vice versa.)
If you find yourself getting mad at how others are acting towards you, try the following steps…
1) Increase the length of the “pause” before you respond. This stems from the SPR (stimulus-pause-response) system that Dr. Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, suggested. Basically, instead of us getting caught up in the moment and reacting to a negative event, the longer we can pause after a stimulus, the more control we have over our response.
2) Try to think of their point of view. Did you actually do something wrong? You are not perfect. Now is not the time to get defensive. When things have “cooled down” talk with them about what is going on…could you have done something differently? Talking with them about this may give them the opportunity to realize that they may have taken out their frustrations on you. OR it can let you know what you may have done to trigger their response and you can work on eliminating that action, if appropriate.
3) Don’t be so easily offended. Just because someone else overreacts to something doesn’t mean that you should do the same. Today’s culture is one of outrage. It is the default for so many people…things that used to not affect us have now become terrible offenses that can get you fired. While you can’t control other people’s actions/emotions/feelings, you can choose yours. Choose to not be offended.
4) Understand that most people are not “bad” people. They aren’t purposefully trying to hurt you. As Napoleon Bonaparte said, “Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.”
5) Lastly, try to be more compassionate. Forgive others. If you don’t find a way to forgive them, it not only affects your relationship with them, but it also breeds anger and resentment in your heart. It does you more harm to you than you probably realize. Ultimately, you’re always going to struggle with something, just like your neighbor, colleague, and family member is struggling with something. We all have our own battles. But what we can do is practice being a better person, a nicer person, a more forgiving person, and the world will be a better place for it.