On this day, in 2017, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 59.
He was one of the most influential people in my life and it was devastating for me to lose him so quickly.
Today, as I look back at the memories I have of him, I reflect on some of what he has taught me and hope that I am able to pass these lessons along to my children. Below are the first five lessons that come to mind when thinking of my dad.
1) Life is good…Be optimistic. Put things into perspective. We are extremely fortunate to be where we are and should not take it for granted. Even when times are tough, remember that life is good.
2) Happiness is a state of mind, not a state on the map…protect your mental health. Strengthen it. Your happiness must come from within. You can’t run away from your inner demons. A change in scenery is not the answer – facing your challenges is.
3) You can do anything in the world if you put your mind to it…my dad believed more in me than anybody on this planet. He instilled confidence in me when I didn’t have it. He was confident, brash, and intelligent. Sometimes he had too much confidence, but that allowed him to do as much as he did – he served in the military, graduated from the Culinary Institute of America, was a teacher, executive chef, business owner, author, sang in the church choir, led a men’s group at church, volunteered with prison ministry, and did so much more. He truly lived…he wasn’t afraid to try new things and he wasn’t afraid of “failing.” Most people are afraid of changing because they fear the unknown. They fear that they might fail. My dad experienced fear too, but he didn’t run from it. He used to paraphrase Cus D’Amato, saying, “The Hero and The Coward both experience fear. But it’s what they do with it that separates the two. You get to choose what you do with fear.”
4) “Did you try your best?” My dad didn’t care about the grades I earned. He was proud of me no matter what I did, and if I didn’t receive an “A” on a test he would ask “did you try your best?” Sometimes the answer was yes, and that was good enough for him. If the answer was no, then he would ask a follow up question of what I could have done better. He didn’t focus on the outcome as much as he focused on the processes which led to the outcome.
5) “I love you.” My dad was caring, passionate, and not afraid to be vulnerable. He always wanted my sister and I to know that he loved us, so he told us frequently. He didn’t want us to have any ambiguity. Anytime he had to leave (whether in person or on the phone), he would always tell us that he loved us. To this day, I still say this to my wife, my sister, and my mom every time that I am leaving. And I will always tell it to my son and unborn daughter.
