If it’s not going to matter in five years, don’t let yourself stress over it for more than five minutes. Feel your feelings. You don’t have to be a robot. But if something isn’t going to matter in the grand scheme of things, let it roll off your shoulders. Why stress out over something that has already happened and that you can’t change? Try to remedy the situation or learn from your experience/get better so that same thing doesn’t happen again.
Thoughts on competing
I love competition. It just makes me happy. Some of my favorite college memories are from competing…in basketball games, beer pong tournaments, and fitness competitions (like the “Most Fit Buckeye” competition and doing out-of-state Tough Mudders). I remember doing a CrossFit-style working out and trying to beat my friend across a finish line. We both dove across a basketball gym floor (and the imaginary finish line) trying to beat each other. We probably looked ridiculous to other people at the rec center. I don’t know who won, but I know that we both laid on the floor and died laughing.
Whenever I can, I always try to win. But if I lose, I don’t let it ruin my day. I think this is a healthy measure of competitive spirit. It might have held me back from some success according to outside measures, but internally, it is what is most satisfying for me. If I lose, as long as I tried my hardest and lost, I’m usually OK with it. I look back at things and try to figure out what I need to improve on and how I can get better so that I will win next time, but that is the competitor side in me. I don’t let it ruin my day or get under my skin. I’m not going to be a bad sport about it.
Be grateful for all that you have, including the ability to compete. Many people don’t have the same opportunities as you have, and that is a reason to be grateful.
Love yourself – but don’t use it as an excuse to not get better
One thing that I both agree and disagree with is how society tells you to accept yourself as you are.
You should accept yourself. You should love yourself. But loving yourself, to me anyways, means to try to improve every day. Loving yourself will sometimes require you to do things you don’t want. You need to have the discipline to force yourself to do things that you don’t always feel like doing, but know they will help you in the long run. Sure, you can take time to enjoy things and to splurge every now and then, but don’t mask happiness with pleasure.
Your best life will involve you overcoming obstacles, learning, and growing. But if you use the excuse to “love yourself as you are” as a means of telling yourself that you don’t need to get better, you are doing yourself a disservice.
Recognize where you are in your journey and don’t beat yourself up for where you are compared to where you want to be or where others are. And don’t let that stop you from trying to get better.
If you are 100 pounds overweight, have diabetes, need to be on all sorts of medications, etc., you can and should still love yourself. But the best way to love yourself is to try to improve your diet and exercise regimen, to improve your mindset, etc. Don’t beat yourself up if or when you miss a day, but don’t use the excuse that you love yourself as you are to continue your lifestyle and slowly kill yourself by doing so.
Learning from your mistakes
Learn to forgive yourself. If you mess up, that’s OK. If you keep making the same mistakes, that’s not OK. You need to learn from your mistakes.
Forgive yourself when you mess up because we are all human and we all matter. But if you keep messing up and doing the same thing over and over again, eventually it’s not just a once off. That is a habit that you have formed and you need to get rid of it. Always work to improve yourself.
Pause before acting (when you’re afraid)
Whenever you are afraid, try to take a step back before making a decision. Before you decide to act or not act, try to remove yourself from the situation. If a friend came to you with a problem asking for your advice, what would you tell them?
Do not make your decision based on the fears that you have. Make your decision based on what you feel is right. What would you be proud of either doing or saying in that moment.
Would you be embarrassed to tell your parents, siblings, friends, significant other, or children about how you acted or reacted in that moment. If you are embarrassed of it, why? Is it because you did not act with courage? Is it because you acted in a way that didn’t align with your values?
Never act or react solely out of fear.