On resilience

I read a quote/meme on LinkedIn recently that said, “Instead of prioritizing teaching kids to be resilient, we should focus on eliminating traumatic events.”

While I think that the person who said this is coming from a good place, I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

Absolutely, I wish there were less traumatic events in life. I wish there were no school shootings, I wish there was no bullying, etc, etc.

But we can’t control everything – including what others do, say, or think. If we don’t try to teach kids to build resilience by overcoming defeat and by seeing/facing traumatic experiences, eventually, trivial events will seem traumatic to them. If the worst thing that happens to them is they get a “B” on their report card, that will be considered traumatic to them. After all, nothing else bad has happened to them, so they have nothing else to compare it to. That becomes the most traumatic event in their life. How will they handle it? They can try harder, or they can play the victim card (which it seems is what society caters to).

We can’t stop death. What happens when a kid faces the death of a loved one? It’s already hard for them (and it always will be/should be). But if they have never encountered any challenges along the way, do you think they will be more or less equipped to handle it?

So, while I do want their to be less trauma in the world, I think it is imperative that we still focus on teaching/building resilience and mental toughness. As John F. Kennedy said, “Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”

Life can be difficult. Instead of wishing for it to be easier (less trauma), make yourself stronger (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to handle it.

Stop making excuses

Stop making excuses. Nobody cares. You might not be at 100% for what you are truly capable of, but the only thing that you can do is give your 100% for that day. Nobody wants to hear your excuses. When you continually have a reason for why you are not at your peak performance, your accomplishment becomes less impressive.

A man who chases two rabbits catches neither

A man who chases two rabbits catches neither​
A man who chases two rabbits catches neither.

Focus on finishing one task before moving on to the next one.

In today’s ADHD world, it’s easy to get distracted by new ideas or to think you can multitask effectively, but the truth is if you are constantly chasing after two dissimilar goals, you’re unlikely to accomplish either of them.

Facing your fears – incrementally vs all at once

The way I see it, there are two ways to successfully face your fears. You can gradually/incrementally introduce yourself to your fears (taking baby steps – learning more about it first, then being around it, then facing it in an unimportant situation, then facing it more regularly) OR you can dive right in and surround yourself with them. The best approach depends on how devastating the outcome could be and what your mindset is.

If there are irreversible repercussions to you failing, then you should take the gradual approach. Read about what you are going to face, talk with other people who have conquered that fear, listen to books/podcasts/YouTube videos, etc. Then just go and be around whatever you have to face. You don’t need to face it yet, but the nearer you are, the more acclimated you’ll get. Start by going once per week then increase the frequency. As you become more familiar with the event, your fear levels will likely go down.

If the stakes are low if you fail/mess up, it’s probably best to just jump right in and learn on the fly. Learning is often done best by experiencing. Then you can still read, listen, talk with others, and watch others to learn more, but now you’ll have a better understanding of what they’re going through (because you’ve already been through a similar situation). You will speed up your learning curve by doing. Just make sure you have a growth mindset going into the event. You may not be good at whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish/conquer yet, but with enough practice you can/will get better.

On winning

Part of winning is not being afraid of losing, of looking dumb, of not being “the best” at something…you have to keep pushing your limits. If you want to continue winning in life, you must always be learning and improving. You may be naturally good at certain things, but if you don’t work to improve your game, everyone around you will catch and surpass you.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Don’t let fear overcome you. Just go out and get to work.