Tag: active listening

Empathy as a starting point for negotiation

Listening shows empathy. When people feel listened to and understood, they are more likely to work with you. You can work in tandem towards a common goal (or at least a compromise) much easier if you start out by showing that you are listening to them.

When you truly listen to somebody and they can feel you are listening to them, it’s a sign of respect. That’s why you have to start out with empathy and active listening to obtain the best results in any negotiation or sales process. It’s important to use both empathy and active listening throughout any conversation, but especially at the start, because first impressions really do count for something. Don’t dig yourself into a hole before you really get started by disrespecting the other person/party.

You have to understand what it is that the other side wants. What is the issue they want solved in order to provide the best response. What is their pain point and how we can alleviate their pain?

If you go in with the same sales pitch every single time, it may work in certain situations, but your solution may be completely wrong for them in other situations. Listen, dig deeper, and empathize with what they are feeling to show respect and to get further in negotiations.

Go into every negotiation or sales pitch with one thing in mind: How can we make this a win-win situation so both sides leave happy, nobody leaves holding a grudge over the other side, and you don’t hurt yourself in future business with that person or their friends?

Letting our experiences shape our perceptions

Perception is interesting. What one person perceives as good event can be perceived by another person as bad. One person could ask you an innocent question, such as, “why are you doing that?” And they’re genuinely curious because they haven’t seen someone do what you’re doing before, or at least haven’t seen it done in that way. If you perceive this the wrong way, you may automatically get defensive – thinking that they are judging you. But, in reality, they are just curious.

I feel that we assume we know what another person is thinking, or what their intentions were when they did something, way too often. We think too deeply about their words or actions, when it would be better if we just dig deeper and asked them more questions so that we could gain a better understanding of what they’re really trying to ask/accomplish.

Our perceptions are based on our mindset and our previous life experiences. Sometimes there is a deeper meaning to why something was said/done, but other times, the person/animal was just making conversation or acting on instincts. For example, I was listening to a podcast the other day when the host talked about hearing a dog bark. For him, that triggers the fight or flight response. He was bitten by dogs three times as a kid, so hearing a dog bark equates to danger in his mind. But for someone like me, growing up with dogs and always having good experiences with them, I may feel happiness when I hear a dog bark. Ultimately though, the dog is just barking. We don’t know if it is a good or bad thing (and depending on who is looking at it/hearing it, it could be both). The barking is what it is. The dogs may see a squirrel. It may be playing with other dogs. Or, it could be protecting a bone, its home, or its owner.

It’s only natural to be shaped by our experiences and to project what we think something means when we encounter others. But, we should be careful to assume we know the meaning or the reasoning behind someone’s words/actions. Don’t get defensive if someone asks you a question. Instead, dig deeper to see what they’re truly asking (if there is a deeper meaning).