Tag: admiration

To be envied or to be admired?

Tough question of the day…Would you rather live a life that is envied or a life that is admired? There are subtle differences, and partly it is in the eyes of the beholder (each of us wants different things and admire different characteristics in others), but it can be drastically different.

Living a life of envy usually means that you’re living the good life. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing amoral with that. And it’s harder than a lot of people think. For this, think of your favorite actor or actress, the biggest celebrity or most popular celebrity you know, or just someone who you view as successful (whatever that means to you). They seem to “have it all.” But, remember, it probably took that person a lot of hard work, dedication, and years of “rising through the ranks” to become the person you see today. And even still, there are responsibilities they may have that we never have to deal with (having crazy fans or paparazzi stalk them, always needing to be on their best behavior or else having anything they do/say that is wrong be publicized, etc). But, for the most part, now that they’ve made it, more doors are open for them and they have more opportunities.

Having a life that is admired can be similar, but much more difficult. Think of someone like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., or any other great leader who has been through many trials and tribulations. Maybe they are standing up for present-day injustices. They are facing a lot of resilience from others and on the receiving end of a lot of hate for what they are doing. This takes courage, resilience, and can be a lonely place to be. Over time, they may be viewed as a great person and someone who should be admired. But often times, they don’t really get to feel that admiration and respect while they’re alive. Often times, it comes posthumously. That being said, their actions can help change the world and better the future of countless lives.

I’m not saying one is better than the other. They are both tough, but the latter requires some serious intestinal fortitude.

So…which would you choose?

Courage

Should courage be the foundation of everyone’s core values? I believe justice, integrity, generosity, and perseverance are also very important values to have, but without the courage to act on what we need to do, will any of those virtues be followed in times of trouble?

We need to be courageous to face uncomfortable situations. Without courage, we are more likely to default to whatever is easiest. Sometimes, to be courageous will require us to confront others, whether they are our peers, someone in a position of authority, or maybe someone you are supposed to be leading. Hopefully we don’t need to confront others often, but it will be necessary at some point in life, regardless of who you are.

Are we standing up for what we believe in, even if it means that we may suffer for doing so? Without courage, we won’t speak up when we see injustice. Without courage, we won’t do what we know is right just because there are roadblocks (like other people). Without courage, maybe we will be less likely to give because we fear we won’t have enough. Without courage, we will give up at the first sign of struggle.

Practice being courageous. It will take time and we will mess up many times along the way. But if we give ourselves some grace, and keep trying to do what is right no matter the consequences, eventually being courageous will become easier for us. Then, not only will we be able to sleep better at night knowing we stood up for what we believe, but we will also gain the respect/admiration of others.

Love vs admiration

For someone to know you and love you is more impressive than getting the admiration of those who only know your public persona. Anyone can put on a show in public, being on their best behavior, and most people do. So when you to let someone into your life and they see the real you, with all of your imperfections, and still love you? That’s what really matters.

Don’t worry about popularity or fame (which are always fleeting), just treat people well and try to do the right thing as much as you can. By doing this, you can help win the love and respect from those who truly matter.

Being true to yourself

I can’t change anyone’s mind. You can’t either. We can’t force others to change their thoughts or behaviors. We can only hope to influence these things with our words and our actions – by doing what we feel is right.

Don’t bury your head in the sand and hope that a problem goes away. Talk about it. Be open. Be vulnerable.

A lot of people don’t speak up because they fear they will lose their job, lose some of their social standing, maybe reduce their status among their peers… But really, what’s the worst that can happen? If you are punished when you stand up for something you believe in, it will be worth it. You may get some backlash from a select few, but you’ll get respect from others, and most importantly you can keep respect for yourself.

In the end, hopefully you’ll realize that chasing attention and admiration from others is a futile game. You have to work on keeping your dignity and respecting yourself. If you do that, you’ll live a good life.