Are you helping or hurting?

There’s a spectrum of helpfulness and hinderance. For example, helping (or not) around the house. If you don’t lift a finger around the house, obviously it is not helpful. But on the other hand, if you try to be Superman (or Superwoman) and do everything yourself, you are actually hurting those around you more than you think. Those who live in the household need to contribute to the household. If they don’t have any duties, 1) they won’t feel useful; 2) they will become unaccustomed to building good work habits; 3) they will not learn necessary life skills like doing laundry, doing dishes, taking out the trash, starting a lawn mower/knowing how to use it, etc. They develop a “learned helplessness” because you didn’t let them do anything.

In short, doing everything can give you a sense of accomplishment because you’re checking things off the “to-do” list, but it is hurting those you love in the long run. Another unintended side effect is you will often build a resentment towards that person (“why aren’t they helping me?”)

Just as with everything else in life, there is a balance between doing, delegating, and eliminating. Don’t do everything. See if your partner likes certain chores more than others. Maybe he/she likes loading the dishwasher and you don’t. Great! That can be their chore. Maybe you like folding laundry, but not putting it away. Ok! You can split that task up. Get your kids involved too. Yes, their life should involve a lot of playing, but if you don’t teach them to have responsibilities then you aren’t doing them any favors when they eventually enter the real world.

Taking action – doing, not just thinking about doing

“You should know now that a man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting, nor by thinking about what he will think when he has finished acting. A man of knowledge chooses a path with heart and follows it.” – Carlos Castaneda in “A Separate Reality”

Take action today. It’s great to read, listen to podcasts, and brainstorm ideas, but at the end of the day, if you don’t take action on all of that knowledge, you’re basically in the same place as someone who didn’t spend (waste?) that time learning. There will be no measurable difference between you and that person. The main differences will be that you might be able to offer some input to others who are looking to take action and also that you’ve wasted a lot of time not doing something actually productive.

Unplug yourself

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott

If you ever feel stressed out, burned out, or overwhelmed, take some time to just unplug. Sometimes we’re so used to being “on” that we just need a break. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s understanding that giving yourself the night off, or maybe even just a few minutes to yourself, will help you reset.

If it’s possible, take time to sit in silence, to take some deep breaths, to get away from technology and/or some of your ongoing duties. Most things won’t permanently break if you step away for a second. Almost everything is fixable and it will all be ok. The moment you stop putting so much pressure on yourself and give yourself permission to reboot, the less anxiety you’ll feel. Love yourself and forgive yourself enough to know that you’re not perfect (nobody is) and that you’re human and need to unplug from time to time.

Setting an example

“Great dads know that they are setting the example for just about everything in their child’s life. How to handle adversity. How to be a friend. How to treat those less fortunate. How to succeed with humility. How to care for the people you love. How to be a good parent.” – From Daily Dad (the creators of The Daily Stoic)

Think about that everyday. How are you acting? Would you want your kids to see that and emulate you? Are you throwing an adult tantrum when things don’t go your way? Are you pouting? Are you mean?

Show your kids how to act and speak with dignity, how to apologize when they’re wrong, how to stand up for themselves, how to control their emotions. Be the best version of yourself for you, but also for them. Because you are teaching them how to respond in these situations, whether you think they’re looking or not…