advice | The Caleb Barney Collection

False narratives

“The way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.” – John Green

Sometimes, when we have incomplete information, or when we don’t really know a person, we tell ourselves that they did something maliciously towards us because they’re mean, miserable, etc. And while there may be some truth to that story, the real truth is we don’t know why they did what they did or why they said what they said. Maybe they were hangry or they just got bad news about their kids, parents, or friends. Maybe they’re going through a divorce or they’re stressed from work. Maybe they thought they were just teasing you and didn’t know you took it the wrong way.

I’d like to think that most people, at least in their own eyes, are good. We may misunderstand them or have different values, but that doesn’t make the other person bad. Your boss or co-worker you can’t stand? They are someone’s mom/dad, husband/wife, child, friend, etc. They want to be happy and feel like they’re contributing to others’ happiness too. Maybe they’re stuck in a rut or you caught them at a bad time, or maybe you were jut too sensitive at that moment.

At the very worst, think of the situation through the lens of Hanlon’s razor. It says, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, sometimes bad things happen not because of people are purposely trying to hurt you, but because they did not think through their actions (and the consequences) properly. People *usually* aren’t out to get you.

Building Resilience

Work on being resilient in all situations. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you can and will overcome it. When you fall down, you can choose to stay down and wallow in sorrow, or you can choose to get back up. Be a riser. Others can’t keep you down, only you get to make that choice.

Don’t overdramatize things. Something didn’t go your way…What is complaining going to do? Nothing. Learn from your mistakes. And if you feel you did everything “right” but it still didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you need to make a bad decision next time because the good decision didn’t pay off this time/last time.

To experience success, you must experience failure

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington

Success is something we all crave. Failure is something we try to avoid like the plague. But to experience the most success possible, you must also endure many failures along the way.

Success is not about never failing. It’s not about never having a hard time. It’s not about making everything look easy/effortless.

Everyone who has done anything great or meaningful in their lives has had to overcome hardships. But here’s the thing, the people who toil in misery? They have faced those hardships as well, but instead of rising after they have fallen, they stay down. Don’t stay down…get up after you fail. Dust yourself off. Adapt and overcome. Eventually, you will turn your failures into success as well.

The key to excellence, greatness, and success

“Consistent, hard work gains success.” – Dwayne Johnson

There is a quote attributed to Aristotle that says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.”

Excellence, success, greatness…these are things to strive for, but you don’t achieve any of them with a single action. They come with consistent action towards your goals. Set goals, review them daily, and decide what are the most important actions you need to take today to bring you a little (or a lot) closer to your goals. What habits do you need to have in place?

A lot of us (myself included) get caught up with wanting to learn more. Learning is great. Gaining more knowledge is great. But it won’t get you anywhere near success if you don’t apply that knowledge and turn it into action. Don’t confuse reading with taking action towards your goals…yes, it could give you a good foundation. It can help you avoid making the same mistakes that others have made, but often we lie to ourselves saying that we are preparing to take action, when really we’re procrastinating.

Take consistent action everyday. Live purposely. Act intentionally. Success, excellence, and greatness will come if you are consistent with your actions, but if you’re not, you’ll miss the opportunity when it’s here.

Using the fulfillment triangle when deciding on your career

When you’re at a crossroads and looking to find a new career, take into consideration Ken Coleman’s fulfillment triangle. He describes this as a place where your passion meets your talent and opportunity.

What do you love doing? What are you interested in? What do you find yourself constantly researching or talking about with your friends? Looking at these things can help you figure out what you’re truly passionate about.

What are you good at doing? Has anybody told you that you are a natural at completing a particular kind of task? What do you feel like comes easily to you? When you do things that you are good at, you are usually in a flow state. This is your talent and ability. (By the way, you don’t need to have the ability to do something right now, but if you are capable, that will suffice.)

Who do you know that might be able to introduce you to whatever it is you like and are good at doing? If you’re unsure about this, put the question out on social media. Go on Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and clearly lay out what it is you’re interested in doing. You never know who might have a connection and get you an “in” with a company. This is your opportunity.

Fulfillment triangle from Ken Coleman on the Dave Ramsey Team.