“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt
You can be very knowledgeable and “have the answers” that others are looking for, but until they know how much you care – how passionate you are about that topic, how interested you are in their well-being, how much you understand what it means to them – that’s when you win them over.
Just like in most things in life, it’s not about you. People’s first thoughts tend to default to thoughts about themselves. You can say it’s selfish, but it’s true. That’s why people tell you to be interested in others, to listen twice as much as you talk, to ask questions about them, to use the other person’s name in conversation…they want to know (or at least think) you care about them. If they believe that, you will earn their trust and then they will be more receptive to your “knowledge.”
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius
You know what you should do, so go do it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like it. If it’s the right thing to do and it needs to be done, don’t waste anymore time procrastinating. It may be easier to skip that workout, to eat fast food, to go on a spending spree, or to not speak up against injustice, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to not do what you feel is right. Or, maybe you do what is needed, but you only do the bare minimum. Be careful of this. How you do anything is how you do everything. If you start looking for shortcuts, eventually that will be your default behavior.
That being said, that’s what YOU should do. That doesn’t mean that you should hold others to the same standards. Don’t mistake this for letting them off the hook and letting them get away with things that are dangerous, amoral, or illegal. They shouldn’t take advantage of people and still need to be called out (or stopped) when they’re doing something egregious. But for the little things that don’t really matter? Skip the criticism.
Others may do things differently than you – in a way that appears to be less effective and less efficient – but at least they’re doing it. If they ask for advice or for help, then offer it. But don’t do it before then. And don’t judge them for not doing something like you would. After all, those are your standards, not theirs. Be tolerant of their decisions, but strict with your own. If you feel your way of doing things is the “best way” to currently do them, don’t lower your standards just to make things easier for yourself.
If you’re saying “yes” to one thing (and this applies to anything in life), that means you are saying “no” to something else.
What is your opportunity cost? We can’t be in two places at once. We only have so much time in the day. We have limited resources. So by saying yes to one thing, it is costing you the opportunity to do something else.
Choose what you spend your time, energy, and money on wisely. If you always want to do what feels good in the moment, you may be sacrificing the well-being of your future self.
You know that clearance rack, or the item that is on sale?
You can walk past it without buying anything…
Before you put whatever item is on sale into your shopping cart (whether that’s online or in person), ask yourself if this is something you actually need or if you just like a “bargain.”
One could argue that it’s not a bargain at all if you end up spending money on something you didn’t intend to…
Do not listen with the intent to reply, but with the intent to understand.
Everyone would benefit from having better listening skills. The main part of listening that I think we sometimes forget is that we should be listening to actually understand the other person’s point of view. How are they feeling? What are they trying to convey? Why do they feel that way?
If you are curious, and you’re not afraid to ask questions, you’ll naturally begin to ask them more questions to gain a better understanding of why they’re talking. This takes patience. Sometimes others don’t know why they’re talking. Other times they want to feel important. Try to understand where they’re coming from, and be ok not having “the answer” or saying something profound every time you speak. Instead, keep asking better questions.
If you ask better questions, you’ll get better answers. And not only that, but the other person will feel like you genuinely care (which you should) and that you actually understand them (which a lot of people won’t). You’ll build new relationships quicker and you’ll strengthen your existing relationships.
Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Don’t go on your phone when they’re talking. Look at them in the eyes and give them your full attention. If you do that, they will feel listened to and you might actually learn or retain what they’ve said. Then, if you bring up something they said in the past (in a future conversation), they’ll feel even more heard, which will again strengthen your relationship with them.
