Tag: advice

Listen to build better relationships

Listen with the same passion with which you want to be heard.

Everyone wants to be heard. You do. I do. We all do. When you’re talking and someone cuts you off mid-sentence, or pulls their phone out, do you like that feeling? Do you ever get the sense that someone’s response seemed almost canned, like it was kind of relevant, but not really, and that the person was just waiting for their turn to make a point? Now, admit it, have you ever done this to someone else?

Stop doing that.

As much as you want to be listened to when you’re talking, so does the person with whom you are talking! Make sure you stop trying to “multitask” and start paying attention to whoever you’re with. This will lead to better, stronger relationships with them and a feeling of connection that benefits you both.

If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.
“If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.” – Harriet Lerner

How do you view failure?

How do you view failure? Are you afraid of it? Is it something to be avoided at all costs?

I used to think about failure that way. It was my biggest fear. I didn’t want to look dumb by not knowing something, or by trying to do something and being inadequate at it. That was a nightmarish scenario in my mind.

But the more I read, the more I realized that life’s greatest entrepreneurs, the most innovative thinkers, and the people we often think of as the most outwardly successful all had one thing in common. All of them took chances and they all failed along the road to success.

Many of them “failed fast.” And that’s actually a strategy for a lot of successful people. Why take a year to fail at something when you can get the same lessons by failing within a couple of weeks? Fail quickly, make corrections, then try again. If you fail again, make more corrections and repeat.

You are more likely to see quicker progress (and, ultimately achieve your goal) if you fail quickly as opposed to slowly. There are many reasons for that, but I believe the two most important reasons are this:

1. You’re taking action. If you want to achieve something, take massive action. Most of us set too long of a timeframe to achieve our goals. We can accomplish them much quicker if we just take bigger, more frequent steps to get us towards our goals. You need to build momentum.

2. You feel more accomplished. It’s a little counterintuitive that you feel more accomplished after failing quickly, but hear me out. You’re taking action, moving (mostly) in the right direction over a short period of time. That feels way better than slowly doing something because you can see a tangible difference in where you are today versus where you were a week or two ago. Not only that, but say you move slowly and then realize after a year that whatever project you were working on wasn’t going to work. How unmotivating is that? You just “wasted” a year trying to do something when, if you would have taken massive action, you could have figured out in months? That’s rough.

Failure is a good thing as long as it doesn’t kill you (or your business) and you learn from it. Get back up after you’ve been knocked down. Try something new and you will be one step closer to your goal. One of my favorite quotes is from Denis Waitley. He said, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” So go be somebody. Go do something. You’re only a failure if you either don’t try in the first place or if you quit.

Four things to avoid when trying to improve…

1. Avoid getting locked into bad habits. You usually have an idea of if you shouldn’t be doing something, so don’t do it.

2. Avoid resisting change. Change not for change’s sake, but to progress. Always strive for a better way to do something – doing it more effectively, more efficiently, or finding something to replace it. (Do you need to be doing that activity at all? Does anyone?)

3. Avoid seeking comfort in repetition. Just because it’s comfortable doesn’t make it right. The greatest times of accomplishment are often preceded by the greatest challenges/struggles which push us outside our comfort zone. We must embrace challenge.

4. Avoid applying old solutions to new problems. Your core values should stay the same. Your goal(s) might stay the same. But your tactics on how to complete the goal could (and probably should) change somewhat regularly, depending on if the tactics are producing the results you want. Just because a specific solution worked for something else doesn’t mean it will work for this new problem.

Random thoughts

A few simple tips to live by…

Be kind, but don’t be a pushover.

Be content, but never stop striving to be better.

Be humble in winning, but gracious in losing.

Be confident, but not arrogant.

Be a good listener, but don’t be afraid to speak up.

Forgive, but don’t forget.

Find a way to positively contribute to others every single day.

Lastly, don’t pay attention to how others think or feel about you. That’s their issue. This is not to confuse being mean or rude to others. Do what you believe to be right, which includes treating others with respect and being nice. But don’t change who you are or how you act because you think people will respond better to it. Most people will like you more for being genuine, which means you’ll make mistakes sometimes, but at least you’re not a robot. At least you’ll be real. And if you do make a mistake or realize you’ve wronged someone, own up to it. Apologize.

What to think about when setting New Years resolutions

January 1st is here, which means many of you have already set (or will be looking to set) New Years resolutions. Resolutions get a bad reputation sometimes, but they shouldn’t. You should always strive to improve your life. What gets mocked though is how many yearly goals not only don’t get achieved, but are discarded/forgotten by the time February 1st rolls around.

So how do you avoid becoming a cliche by actually keeping your resolutions? Follow these 5 steps to have a greater chance at hitting your goals…

1. Figure out what your goal is in the 7 major categories of life. These categories are: family, relationships, physical, mental, spiritual, financial, and career.

2. After figuring out what your goals are, ask yourself when each goal should be realistically accomplished. Is it something that can actually be accomplished this year? Maybe it will only take 90 days or maybe it will take 3 years. Either way, if it’s important to you, don’t scrap the idea just because it doesn’t fit into a “yearly” goal timeline. Instead, break the goal down into milestones…in order to achieve Z, you need to get to Y by this date. But in order to achieve Y, you need to get to X by this date. Continue doing this until you have broken it down to what you need to do TODAY.

When each goal is broken down into manageable chunks of what needs to be done, always set a timeline for when you should hit each milestone as well (not just the overarching goal). This will let you know if you’re on track to hitting your yearly goal. If you reach a milestone date and haven’t achieved that milestone yet, it allows you to pivot early enough to still (hopefully) complete your big goal.

3. After figuring out what your goals (and milestones) are and when they can be realistically accomplished, the next thing you need is to have a powerful “why” behind them. Why are you resolving to achieve that thing? Why is that important to you? Will it make you feel better (intrinsic motivation) or is it to impress other people (extrinsic motivation)? Did you come up with it yourself or are you following along with what you think your spouse or your boss wants you to do?

You should be excited to get started, but as you begin to struggle, or when you don’t see results right away, you will be tempted to quit. The voice inside your head will begin to tell you that you didn’t really want that in the first place or that whatever your goal was isn’t really important. That’s just you giving yourself an out. But if you have a “why” behind the “what,” you will be more likely to keep at it when the times get tough. Your “why” should excite you and it should improve your life in some way.

4. Now that you know what your goal is, when you need to achieve it by, and why it is important to you, you need to figure out how you’re going to do it. Once again, it is best to figure this out by breaking it down.

First, you need to have a clearly defined time of day to work on your goals. Look at your goals daily and figure out the time you will work on your goal every single day. Will it be every morning when you wake up, as soon as you get off of work, or right before bed every night? Stay consistent with what time you work on your goals. Make this a habit!

Secondly, you’ll be more effective when you have a dedicated place to work on your goals. Where you will work on achieving your most important next action step for the day? Will your “sacred place” be at the gym, your office, a coffee shop, the basement, etc.? You need to define your work space. Especially now, with so many people working from home, you don’t want to blur the lines between when you’re supposed to be working and when you’re supposed to be spending quality time with your family. If you blur the lines, it will be too easy to not be truly focused on anything (making all aspects of your life suffer).

The last part of the “how” to achieve your goal is to understand what is the ONE thing you need to do today to get you closer to your milestone goal. I discussed this earlier when I mentioned breaking down each goal to the point of what you need to do TODAY to get you to where you need to be for the next milestone…What actions (leading measurements) are important to track every day that predict success for your achievement goals (lagging result)? What is the ONE thing you have to do that day to move you closer to achieving your next milestone? Remember, every journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. You have to take small, consistent action to get to where you want to go.

5. Finally, you need to determine who can help you achieve your goals. This will probably take multiple people (probably at least one person for each goal). Is it a loved one who cares about that particular goal just as much as you do? Is it a friend or co-worker with a similar goal? Or maybe you find a group/community online to help encourage you when you’re down, but hold you accountable as well? No matter what the case, share your goals with others. Saying it out loud and writing it down means that you can’t hide it when you don’t achieve your goals. Take ownership of your goals, of your successes when you hit them, and of your failures if you don’t. The only person who can make you do this is you, but it always helps to have support along the way.

Keep these five things in mind when setting goals/resolutions. Of course, try to make them S.M.A.R.T.E.R. (specific, measurable, actionable, risky, time-keyed, exciting, and relevant) and, again, focus on WHY it is important to you. You need to have a deep intrinsic motivation to do something in order to keep pushing through the tough times.

Good luck and happy new year!