Tag: advice

Your house and the White House

What happens in your house is more important than what happens in the White House.
“What happens in your house is more important than what happens in the White House.” – Barbara Bush

Whether you feel happy, sad, neutral, or mad with the election results of the 2020 Presidential race, remember one thing. What happens in your house is more important than what happens in the White House.

The President, no matter which party he/she is affiliated with, will not save you, nor will he/she ruin you. You control your own fate. The decisions you make will have the greatest influence on how your life turns out. Why would you give that power to anyone else? Take ownership of what happens for you – good or bad.

If you like the results you’re getting, then continue doing what you’ve been doing. If you don’t like the results you’ve seen so far, change what you’re doing. And if you’re really unhappy? Just know that you’re going to have to work your tail off to get to where you want to go. Nothing matters as much as determination, grit, perseverance, and having a positive attitude. All of those things won’t always be easy, but if they were, everyone would do it.

My biggest fear…is it really what I think?

Many people fear failing, and I know it is one of my biggest fears as well. That’s what I’ve always told myself before, anyways. But after thinking about it more, am I afraid of actually failing or am I afraid of looking like a failure to others? There is a difference…

When you actually fear failing, you’ll often get stuck in “paralysis by analysis” mode, where you procrastinate taking any action for fear that the action you take is the wrong one. The irony is that this fear to fail often keeps you from even trying to get what you want. But if you don’t try it, you guarantee you won’t get it. In that sense, you have ensured failure, just not publicly.

So is it really failure you’re afraid of or is it the perception of failing? Sometimes you are held back from doing something or saying something because you think others will look down on you. Are you ok with asking questions and letting other know that you are not processing the information they’ve given to you? Are you ok with trying something new, with no guarantees of succeeding, if you think others will judge you for it? That’s the difference between being afraid to fail versus being afraid to look like a failure.

Next time you find that you aren’t pursuing a goal or a passion, ask yourself this…What is more important – what other people think of you (when they see you try and fail) or what you think of yourself (never publicly trying something/never “failing” in front of others, but ask never achieving your actual goal)?

Jealousy, privilege, and comparison

Before you make a jealous statement, “they’re so lucky that ____” or “it must be easy because of ____”, truly think to yourself the amount of work that that individual put in to get to where they are. There really are not many “overnight successes.”

And for those who inherited wealth or were put in a better position to start than you? Consider yourself the lucky one. You have gone through trials and tribulations that they have not, and it has forged you into the person you are today.

There will always be someone better off than you just like there will always be others worse off than you, yet you don’t consider yourself privileged. Take a step back and look in the mirror. If you’re reading this on a computer, how “lucky” are you? If you live in the United States, how lucky are you? If you have your eyesight and can hear, how lucky are you? Do you have four limbs? How lucky are you? People tend to downplay the “luck” that played a role in how they got to where they are today, yet they emphasize it in others’ success.

“I’m a self-made person” you say. But, in reality, everyone has had help along the way. Some have had more help than others. But you’ve had more help than plenty of others as well. Remember that.

Finally, stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn’t matter where they are or where they’re going. You can’t control that. But you can influence the direction of your life by the decisions you make each and every day. Work to get 1% better every single day and you’ll be amazed by the results in 1 year, 10 years, and beyond.

Giving an inch and taking a mile

There’s a common phrase which says, “give the man an inch and he’ll take a mile.” When you think about it, you can probably relate to this happening to you at some point. You tried to be nice, whether it was helping someone out by literally giving them something or maybe you “let them off the hook” when they didn’t do something, and next thing you know, they’re asking/taking more than you agreed to.

Well, don’t be mad at that metaphorical man because, guess what? You are that person too! I was thinking about this in regards to my own workouts, eating habits, and other self-improvement actions. I get up really early (I’m usually up by 3:15 a.m.) so I can get my workout in, read, write this blog, and get some real estate-related work done before anyone else in the house is up and moving. Sometimes my alarm clock goes off and I just want to sleep in. What’s the harm in missing one day of working out, right? That line of thinking (giving myself an inch) can lead to a slippery slope (taking a mile). One missed workout, just like one cheat day, one binge-watching session, one of anything in which you “treat yourself” can (and often does) lead to another. It feels good. It’s easier and more convenient in the short-term. But what’s best for short-term is often in conflict with what’s best for the long-term.

Whenever you feel like you “deserve” something, be on guard. That’s the most dangerous time! Keep putting in the hard work. It will be worth it in the long-run. Otherwise the habits you need most become like the stereotypical New Years resolution…forgotten after 45 days. Don’t get caught in the cycle of working hard for a month, and just when you are starting to make progress, stopping “temporarily” to give yourself a break. You’ll find that stopping feels good and you either never fully commit like you initially were or you never get started again.

We all want to take a mile when we give ourselves an inch. The key is to resist the temptation to take that given inch in the first place.

On waiting…

We all should practice the art of waiting more. We have become so used to this “microwave world,” where we can have nearly anything we want instantaneously.

Don’t want to sit through commercials? Hit skip ads on YouTube.

Can’t find anything good on tv? Go to your favorite streaming service.

Bored? Scroll mindlessly on social media.

The list goes on and on. It’s even that easy to buy something we want. Don’t get me wrong, I love Amazon because it’s so convenient, but that’s their business model (and they’re very good at it). They make it so convenient that you don’t think twice about buying an item you literally just discovered.

But we would be better served in the long run if we waited to get that “thing.” Try waiting for 48 hours before you buy it. Would you still want it? If you think you still want it, go to the store to buy it. Is it worth the inconvenience of you getting your shoes on, driving into town, waiting in line, and then paying for it? And what if you only allowed yourself to pay in cash? That way, if you don’t have the money right then and there (both in your bank account and physically, in your hand), you can’t buy it on credit. It feels different when you hand over some money and get less in return (as opposed to handing plastic over and getting the same piece of plastic returned to you). Psychologically, it feels more painful, even though you’re paying the same amount for the same item. While I like to optimize every aspect of my life (working on efficiency and convenience), it is important to remember we should focus on effectiveness over efficiency. Just because something is easy doesn’t make it better…

And if you can teach yourself to not always get what you want, when you want it, you will be better off in the long run. Better off financially (not spending money), mentally (building up a resiliency so when things don’t go your way, you’ll be able to cope better), and possibly better off spiritually (giving you more time/money to focus on loved ones and the environment around you, instead of focusing on material objects to eventually go in the trash).

So, how long can you wait before you get that next “must have” item? Don’t let lifestyle creep take over. Don’t let your inner child take over (“I need this toy now!”)…Practice patience. Practice waiting. Practice being fiscally responsible. You will be better off for it.