Tag: advice

Start off on the right foot

If you ask someone questions, ask out of curiosity, not out of judgment. They will be much more open/receptive to honestly answering your question AND potentially working on a solution with you if you are asking in a way where it isn’t questioning their decision-making skills.

If you come off as judgmental, the other person will shut down and become defensive (this is the reason I avoid phrasing a question as “why did you do that this way?”). Instead, try to ask open-ended questions and start off on the right foot.

Trust bank

Judge a person based on their actions, not their words. People can say whatever they want, and often say what they think you want to hear. Don’t have “happy ears” and take them at their word unless they have a proven track record of following through to do what they say. Make them earn that trust first. They have to build up that “trust bank account.” Every time they keep their word or do something honorable/commendable, they are making a deposit into their trust bank account. If they start to be dishonest, untrustworthy, or make questionable moral decisions, they are making withdrawals. If they make too many withdrawals and not enough deposits, they will go bankrupt with your trust bank.

The simplicity of friendship

“The most that I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” – Henry David Thoreau

You have no obligations to do x, y, or z to be considered a good friend. And your friend, if they are truly your friend, should not place unrealistic expectations on you, make you fulfill certain requirements, or check certain boxes to be considered a friend. Work on being supportive, on checking in with them on occasion, and on being happy for them if they are happy or helping them when they need help. It’s that simple.

Pride vs ego

Don’t confuse pride with ego. They are very similar in many respects, but the difference is pride is used in a way to make you perform better, whereas ego is often something that hinders performance.

For example, with pride you hold certain standards for yourself and you want to live up to them. What you have accomplished or overcome in the past is a result of a mixture of work ethic, attitude, specific intelligence, talent, and luck. It is a non-malicious, self-centered vantage point. You take pride in doing things a certain way because others can expect good results when they come to you. If you are on a team and others do not have the same values are you, it can leave you frustrated because you feel your name (and the results that come with it) may be tarnished if you don’t live up to the hype. Pride can get in your way, but for the most part it is good to have a sense of pride in what you do and how you do it.

With ego, you are more concerned with your reputation than you care about what you do or how you do it. You view yourself as someone of importance and feel a sense of deserved respect. When ego gets in the way, it’s because you believe yourself and your opinions matter more than others – everything you do is right and anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. Instead of being able to take criticism or compromise on issues, ego can cause you to dig deeper and take a stand. Ego doesn’t let you see the other person’s point of view.

Don’t let ego get in your way. If you disagree with someone, try to detach from the situation and understand where they are coming from. Why are they acting the way they are? Even if you end up disagreeing after you’ve heard them out, take the time to really listen to them, to make them feel understood, and talk with them. Don’t yell at them, try to silence/intimidate them, or wait for your turn to make a point/talk at them. The world needs to calm down. The more compassionate we are, the better off we will be.

(P.S. Compassion doesn’t mean “giving in” to an opposing viewpoint…listening is compassionate. And if you still disagree, disagree respectfully and treat them how you would want to be treated.)

Decide. Commit. Figure out.

Decide what you want. What gets you excited? What do you dream about or wish you had more time to do?

Commit to achieving that goal. Say it out loud, write it down, and task someone to hold you accountable.

Figure out how to do it. You know what you want the end result to look like, so how do you get there? What milestones do you have to hit along the way? Figure out what it looks like by breaking it down into simple goals (in order to do that, I need to do this).

Lastly, change your mindset. Be positive and think big. If you really want something, don’t let anything stop you from getting it as long as you keep your morals.